Getting the right mindset : The First step

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Wolfheart
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25 Mar 2012, 10:08 am

TB wrote:
Maybe this is interesting for some of you. It does ring true for me on a lot of things.
I can feel great just meditating by myself on sunny day with no social interaction. In social situations though its much harder to stay that way, your ego can take you over so easily. It happens to me frequently in regards to women. The only thing i can do is try to use this as an opportunity to grow as a person.





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAl ... re=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANKKhMAR ... re=related


Interesting videos, thanks for the posting them!



WhiteWidow
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25 Mar 2012, 12:00 pm

There's a new book out on Free Will and how we don't have it. It's by Stephen Wright I think. So that would mean that something was pre determined or is currently being manipulated from within. My belief is it's either George Soros is the master of our Destiny (Skull and Bones group) or it's a pre-determined sigma of algorithms.



Joker
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25 Mar 2012, 4:41 pm

My first step is having a nice smile smelling good being dressed night showing that I am the alpha male with my group of friends and being confident but just cause im confident doesnt make me a jerk I do not fear rejection its not like rejection is the end of the world or anything it happens just dont let it get you down :wink:



aussiebloke
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25 Mar 2012, 7:15 pm

Stay away from Nt's.


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aussiebloke
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25 Mar 2012, 7:27 pm

Unless you have the IQ of Bill Gates you well never make a success of your life just accept it and move on. Socially disabled people can never make it in a sociable world. The trick s not to care about success etc , I seriously question the aspiness of materially successful aspies do you ?

And if your in doubt about the " modern economy" ie produce nothing worthwhile have a look at all the useless service jobs that are around * that require you to be "outgoing" or a "team player" good god I wish we still had an industrial base , I think I might move to Germany.

*I need to look for one after 11 years on disability that's another thing we can thank NT's for, they have things they call "practical realities" I have to suffer the consequences of other peoples stupidity work related /dr stupidity going well in to the future. If I was an employer what would it matter that I was long term disabled through no fault of my own?


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Joker
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25 Mar 2012, 11:37 pm

aussiebloke wrote:
Unless you have the IQ of Bill Gates you well never make a success of your life just accept it and move on. Socially disabled people can never make it in a sociable world. The trick s not to care about success etc , I seriously question the aspiness of materially successful aspies do you ?

And if your in doubt about the " modern economy" ie produce nothing worthwhile have a look at all the useless service jobs that are around * that require you to be "outgoing" or a "team player" good god I wish we still had an industrial base , I think I might move to Germany.

*I need to look for one after 11 years on disability that's another thing we can thank NT's for, they have things they call "practical realities" I have to suffer the consequences of other peoples stupidity work related /dr stupidity going well in to the future. If I was an employer what would it matter that I was long term disabled through no fault of my own?


Im doing pretty good for myself as a Youth Coucil leader at my church and as a young adults leader good and socializing to I aproach it like acting im just playing the part of some one good at talking to people that doesnt mean I dont struggle with social skills and the girl I like is NT she knows I like her and since I know that she likes me I dont really make advances towards her dont wana make her feel weird around me.



Wolfheart
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26 Mar 2012, 1:27 am

aussiebloke wrote:
Unless you have the IQ of Bill Gates you well never make a success of your life just accept it and move on.


Success is subjective as I was saying earlier, if you compare yourself to Bill Gates or Donald Trump in terms of money, of course you are going to feel poor. You need to set realistic goals for yourself and set goals that are personal to you, not to the expectations of society.



Thom_Fuleri
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26 Mar 2012, 1:16 pm

aussiebloke wrote:
Unless you have the IQ of Bill Gates you well never make a success of your life just accept it and move on. Socially disabled people can never make it in a sociable world. The trick s not to care about success etc , I seriously question the aspiness of materially successful aspies do you?


Codswallop, sirrah. Success is entirely possible - it just takes more effort. In fact, being an aspie can be a help as well as a hindrance - attention to detail, planning, obsessive hobbies and repetitive activity can all be very useful in certain aspects of work and business. And if we're aware of our difficulties, we can work around them - much more so than the NTs, sometimes. If you meet anyone who calls themselves a "people person", you can be assured they have no social finesse whatsoever.

It's true that one shouldn't care about other people's success. Your own success is very important, and those that don't succeed are usually either aiming too high or aiming so low that they aren't really trying.



Matt62
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26 Mar 2012, 2:15 pm

If it was not for my sexual/intimacy needs, I probably would be content to remain as I am now. However, I do have those..
So I still struggle to improve. At least rejection is not so world crushingly bad anymore. But what stings me actually is that my employment usually gets in my way. I never have good schedules for dating (what the heck is a Weekend off anyway??!), so it is harder to put the bit have learned into practice.

Sincerely,
Matthew



Wolfheart
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27 Mar 2012, 2:35 am

Matt62 wrote:
If it was not for my sexual/intimacy needs, I probably would be content to remain as I am now. However, I do have those..
So I still struggle to improve. At least rejection is not so world crushingly bad anymore. But what stings me actually is that my employment usually gets in my way. I never have good schedules for dating (what the heck is a Weekend off anyway??!), so it is harder to put the bit have learned into practice.

Sincerely,
Matthew


That sounds difficult, a clingy woman could definitely get in the way of your work schedule. My only advice to you on this would be to look for women that are career minded or have a busy schedule themselves, they probably won't mind you working long hours as much.



mglosenger
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27 Apr 2012, 10:59 pm

I note for posterity that when I wrote my replies I was in a negative mood due to various factors including but not limited to

* working in a place that I didn't actually like in general
* having ex-girlfriend-type coworkers in that very place, always there, every (work)day
* generally doing things I didn't actually want to do

I further note that I deliberately placed myself in those very situations because it all seemed like a good idea at the time, and surely, somehow it was, and is, and always will have been.

In conclusion, I concur with the basic truth that being optimistic is good. Sometimes life seems harder than other times where it seems easier. Ultimately, everything is good. Have a good everything.



zando
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01 Mar 2015, 8:40 pm

I feel that many of my Asperger traits were inherited and many more were learned from my dad. I have always looked up to my dad and patterned my behavior after him. He is socially awkward. He has temper tantrums, doesn’t have many friends, has trouble with conversations, doesn’t like crowds of people, etc. I’m sure he is on the spectrum, but he would never admit it. My personality is almost identical to his. If I somehow changed my mindset, he would be disappointed in me.

My dad is also extremely judgmental and has an amazing memory for the slightest human error. He remembers specific instances when someone frowned at him 30 years ago, when someone was discourteous, or when someone said something incorrect. He often brings up these past mistakes of mine and others in conversations. He holds grudges to the grave. I do the same thing. I am just as hard on myself as I am on other people. I’m trapped by dwelling on past mistakes.

I’m not being watched or judged by millions, but I’m being watched and judged by my dad, and he never forgives or forgets. I don’t live with him anymore, but I still visit frequently. It’s hard for me to get into the right mindset when have to deal with my dad.



MelissaCho
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27 Sep 2016, 2:19 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I think I'll just not look for a relationship...that seems a bit less stressful.


That's a personal preference but don't you think that overall you would be happier if you shared your life with someone?


I want a relationship but don't know how to break the ice without feeling uncomfortable in my own skin :oops: