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jumanji
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24 Mar 2012, 6:52 pm

A few years ago, I looked through my phone contacts list. What I found was concerning - Some 70% of the contacts in my phonebook are of the same gender (male). My Facebook friends list reflects a similar trend. Even among the 30% of girls/women in my phonebook, there are only a couple with whom I have regular contact and even then we rarely see each other except when we're at an event, school or with other friends.

Socialization is difficult for me in general. Socialization with the opposite gender is even more difficult. For example, a girl may hug everyone else in the room, but she may shake my hand or just wave to me. That isn't always the case, but it happens often enough and with different people so I know it's me not them.

So you see it is not for lack of trying. In any case, I need suggestions about how to build good relationships with those of the opposite gender (both friendships and pre-dating relationships).

PLEASE NO CLICHES LIKE BE YOURSELF, OR ASK THEM QUESTIONS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE I'M ALREADY DOING THAT.



jumanji
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25 Mar 2012, 12:26 am

Surely someone has helpful advice!



namaste
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26 Mar 2012, 1:18 am

it wont work because of your body language, not making eye contact, restricted behaviour, due to all this Aspieshness you wont be sucessful might as well stop trying


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jumanji
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26 Mar 2012, 9:28 pm

haha. You're very optimistic. I think body language needs to be improved. I've read a couple books that have helped, but only to a certain extent. I have no problem with an appropriate level of eye contact.

I guess I'm just looking for a few ways I can improve and change a troubling trend.



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29 Mar 2012, 12:03 pm

Well men want to do things together and omen just want to talk about one another. See the difference? We will always get along with males better.

However, if you want to improve your interactions with girls you'll need to be able to gossip, which can't help with. Gossip is their form of venting, where us men just do something violent to relax.

You could also try doing more forms of empathy. Women seem to love flowers.

Of course these are stereostypes. Feminists don't like being treated like women, they prefer being treated like men while they still talk like women.

Just some observations. I have been told I am slightly sexist, so bear that in mind.


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29 Mar 2012, 1:48 pm

SanityTheorist wrote:
I have been told I am slightly sexist, so bear that in mind.


Sexism is basically when men say things about women in a tone that women usually use when they say things about men.
I don't think becoming more feminine in conversation will help, though. If someone doesn't fit your personality, don't waste time trying to be friends.



Ai_Ling
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29 Mar 2012, 2:34 pm

One suggestion I have is perhaps try to listen to women a bit more and try to emphasize with her. Women like to have people emphasize with her while men often times like to suggest solutions. Most women dont like the mens attempt to immediately solve there problems more of sharing there emotions and listening.



Nereid
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31 Mar 2012, 1:24 am

80% of my friends/close acquaintances are females (I'm female), if not a higher percentage. It seems as a loose, stereotypical rule of thumb, guys bond more over activities/hobbies while girls bond over sharing emotions/feelings/thoughts. Of course there are all sorts of exceptions, but I'm not into sports, excessive drinking, or talking about "hot chicks", so that excludes me from a lot of convos/activities with guys. However, when I talk to other girls we discuss things that make us upset, random stuff we like/dislike. Its a different type of interaction. Also, I find at least for me girls tend to be more compassionate towards my differences.

Good point by Ai_Ling regarding women's problems. Women often just want someone to have listen to their story and rather than provide a solution, just hear them out. Usually helps to agree. I.e. "that guy was such a jerk!" your response "sounds like he was a douche".



BMctav
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31 Mar 2012, 7:40 am

jumanji wrote:
I need suggestions about how to build good relationships with those of the opposite gender (both friendships and pre-dating relationships).


If all your female "friends" are just acquaintances, then I think you need to meet more people.

The best way I've found to make friends (male and female) is to go and do an activity you enjoy. For me I joined a running club and a local crafts society and met lots of people. Most are acquaintances, but some are quite good buddies. Most are female.

A mutual interest or hobby is an excellent foundation to build friendships on, regardless of gender.



Keeno
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31 Mar 2012, 8:04 am

You should see my phone contacts. I essentially live a monastic life, given my degree of unintentional separation from women.