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Sampson
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04 Nov 2006, 2:56 pm

Hi, I am 34 years old and only found out 2 yrs ago that I probably have AS. I just wanted to know if you think being honest and telling a girl you are dating is a good or bad idea.

Sampson



Corvus
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04 Nov 2006, 3:02 pm

I've questioned this and I think it wouldn't be a good idea. One reason is that it comes off as a disease more then a form of life. Its got stereotype written all over it, unfortunately, at least in my opinion it does when you actually examine the words:
"I have Aspergers 'syndrome'"

Not unless it was coming to a breaking point would I say anything. If the reason she wanted to break was because something I wasn't doing.



Corvus
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04 Nov 2006, 3:03 pm

Or, you could tell her the better side:

"I have this condition that causes me to think a bit harder, focus a bit more on decisions, and enjoy some personal interests. I am creative and intelligent."



sociable_hermit
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04 Nov 2006, 4:34 pm

It might help if she knew, assuming you are already close enough to discuss fairly tricky subjects.

Don't assume it'll change the way she does things, though. Either you're compatible or you aren't.

The only thing I ever say is, "Tell me if I'm being a fathead" cos sometimes I do get carried away. That's helpful for everyone, not just me. Some people can't be that honest, though.


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SteveK
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04 Nov 2006, 4:44 pm

I think Corvus is right. MANY don't even understand that a syndrome is merely a collection of symptoms given a name rather than a disease, etc...

AS people are apparantly all over the charts, and this forum necessarily would have only the better examples. Still, even here, they are apparantly all over the charts.

Steve



JaredGTALover
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21 Sep 2017, 3:00 pm

Sampson wrote:
Hi, I am 34 years old and only found out 2 yrs ago that I probably have AS. I just wanted to know if you think being honest and telling a girl you are dating is a good or bad idea.

Sampson


bad idea,man.don't tell her



Stoic0209
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22 Sep 2017, 10:15 am

I wouldn't disclose, simply because most people don't understand what Autism or Asperger's are. Wait, give it time, drop little things here and there as you need to ("I'm not too good around large crowds and loud noises, I have trouble with speech procesing, etc.") but don't tell them that you have Autism or Asperger's. That's something to disclose after months, maybe years.



soloha
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22 Sep 2017, 10:35 am

I wouldn't up front. Maybe after you reach a certain level of seriousness and you're past the point of scaring her away. They're is the possibility she might be hurt if you don't tell her and she finds out down the road. "How could you keep such a big part of yourself secret from me!" In many of the books I read where there is a couple where one has an ASD and the other does not when the partner without finds out it often explains many things they were struggling with. They come to understand and the relationship improves. In one, and I understand this is common in those with an ASD, the wife didn't feel loved because her husband didn't always tell her he loved her, and did not make romantic gestures. But he was always doing things for her. Making her lunch, etc. He was SHOWING her he loved her, but she didn't understand. But those are just books. I have no personal experience to offer, I don't date



Joe90
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23 Sep 2017, 6:34 am

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I haven't told him I have ASD. I don't think he knows much about autism, and what he does know about autism are probably common stereotypes that I haven't got. I tell him I have ADHD though, because there's no hiding that :lol: . But ASD is more complex than ADHD.
I feel my ASD only affects me the most in the workplace.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Sep 2017, 6:44 am

I don't feel it's necessary to disclose. Aspergers/Autism is not contagious.



Trueno
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23 Sep 2017, 6:46 am

No. Bad idea.


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green0star
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23 Sep 2017, 11:17 am

I see no problem in being honest. The only time you're undatable as an autistic more so depends on your lvl of independence rather then your actual diagnosis. I knew quiet a fell fellow autistics who's parents were really strict and even a guy who had a crush on me who I wouldn't even touch with a 10 foot pole because of how overbearing his mom was o-o So yea, its not about the diagnosis its about the independence and maturity lvl. Because as we know some of us as a result of having strict "autism parents" can be very immature for our age and lack a certain lvl of independence as a result of too much sheltering



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23 Sep 2017, 2:44 pm

As long as you're dating, I'd say no, no need to disclose.

If you actually were to start talking about marriage, I'd say not only do you need to disclose, but she's got to understand exactly what it is. As aspies, we can be pretty good at faking it, and when dating, there's an enormous incentive to fake it correctly. But it's not something that can be done 100% of the time for an entire lifetime.


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Chichikov
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23 Sep 2017, 3:20 pm

SteveK wrote:
I think Corvus is right. MANY don't even understand that a syndrome is merely a collection of symptoms given a name rather than a disease, etc...

That's why I don't tell girlfriends I have AIDS...I mean it's only a collection of symptoms.



soloha
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23 Sep 2017, 4:24 pm

Chichikov wrote:
SteveK wrote:
I think Corvus is right. MANY don't even understand that a syndrome is merely a collection of symptoms given a name rather than a disease, etc...

That's why I don't tell girlfriends I have AIDS...I mean it's only a collection of symptoms.

Lmao...I love your posts. You are SUCH a troll...though it appears one with a mission to provoke thinking...



StampySquiddyFan
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23 Sep 2017, 4:30 pm

soloha wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
SteveK wrote:
I think Corvus is right. MANY don't even understand that a syndrome is merely a collection of symptoms given a name rather than a disease, etc...

That's why I don't tell girlfriends I have AIDS...I mean it's only a collection of symptoms.

Lmao...I love your posts. You are SUCH a troll...though it appears one with a mission to provoke thinking...


Me too! I want to see what this guy is like in person :lol: .


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