why is social interaction so exhausting?

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edgewaters
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18 Apr 2012, 7:34 am

I don't know. But I did notice something odd. If there's an activity, its far less exhausting. Playing cards, for instance, apparently counts as "socializing". If there's an activity, I can get involved more in the conversation, I'm far less anxious, and it's much less stressful and exhausting. It's best if it's something that has structure and clear goals. Something like swimming at the lake isn't quite as good, because there's no structure to it, it's open ended and there isn't anything in particular you're supposed to be trying to achieve. But even that is still much better than just sitting around, doing nothing except talking.

It's when there's no activity that I really run into problems. I don't understand what the point is, how people decide how long it's supposed to go on for or when it's achieved whatever it's supposed to achieve. I usually just find myself wishing that we could DO something or that it could be over.



JCJC777
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18 Apr 2012, 7:38 am

edgewaters wrote:
I don't know. But I did notice something odd. If there's an activity, its far less exhausting. Playing cards, for instance, apparently counts as "socializing". If there's an activity, I can get involved more in the conversation, I'm far less anxious, and it's much less stressful and exhausting. It's best if it's something that has structure and clear goals. Something like swimming at the lake isn't quite as good, because there's no structure to it, it's open ended and there isn't anything in particular you're supposed to be trying to achieve. But even that is still much better than just sitting around, doing nothing except talking.

It's when there's no activity that I really run into problems. I don't understand what the point is, how people decide how long it's supposed to go on for or when it's achieved whatever it's supposed to achieve. I usually just find myself wishing that we could DO something or that it could be over.


I agree. I find I often start clearing the table or washing up, as doing that's easier than just sitting and talking.



NicoleG
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21 Apr 2012, 3:00 pm

Nereid wrote:
I personally have a huge issue trying to jump into other people's convos. I'll sit like a lion waiting to pounce to interject my thought, only to have the group scoop any available chance to jump in and then I just stand there looking like an idiot, until I cower over to the couch and feast on chips alone.


I much prefer to sit like a lioness that's relaxing, calm in her own position, and, like a cat, if I get too bored because conversations don't naturally come in my direction, I'll strut off and find something that IS interesting for me. Especially when we have guests in our home (which is common, especially on weekends), I've been known to just wander back into my room and do something else if I'm just not that interested in what's going on, even if it's just everyone else sitting around watching a show on TV - if I'm not that into it, I'll wander off.

I didn't used to be like this. When I'm trying to be over-social or trying to get certain results, I'm a nervous wreck and I put on an act and try all sorts of wrong things to get attention, get involved, etc. That usually backfires as other can see through the fakery and I'm usually being more of an annoyance than anything.

So my advice here is, be a proud lion, instead of skittish kitty.



JCJC777
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28 Apr 2012, 6:00 am

I'm pleased and excited with the approach of
- expecting less communication with people; I think before I was looking for deep and meaningful connection in every interaction
(also - turning down my attempts to understand other people's emotions; it's just too hard)

As well as being less tiring for me, it seems other people are reacting better to me, easier; maybe I was coming across to others as just too intense, trying too hard, before.