why is social interaction so exhausting?

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Who_Am_I
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12 Apr 2012, 10:42 pm

Because it's hard work?


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JCJC777
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14 Apr 2012, 4:30 am

Thanks everyone very much for the inputs.

We have many people staying. Tonight we're going to have 11 people staying in our house, and 13 here for lunch tomorrow.... aaaarrggghh

I'm going to try
- switching off my emotional working-out systems; I'm going to try much less hard to 'tune in' to other people; if the NT's are having a big emotion, they'll have to tell me. I'll be more wooden, less perceptive.
- I've also found an old note to myself on cartooning; if you just do a very simple children's cartoon of an upcoming situation; who is arriving when, what will happen, and when they're going - it can help Aspie mind's. I've done one.

My wife and I drove an hour away last night to dinner, into open country, on our own, which felt like it was healing also.



nikkiDT
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14 Apr 2012, 7:32 am

Socializing burns me out. You're always thinking 50 different things everytime you socialize. What do I do? What should I say? I didn't know I was supposed to do that, etc.....


And you try to fit in, but can't. Suddenly, you don't even see the point in even trying anymore. It's like playing a game you know you'll lose.

Then there are other things......


Time alone is a MUST after--or even DURING--a social situation for me or I can't function.



Wolfheart
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14 Apr 2012, 7:57 am

The key problem is anxiety and being over analytical, if you can learn to practice social situations with others and keep a check on how analytical you are being, you will feel more relaxed.

If you have trouble with sensory overload like myself, I wouldn't suggest going to a nightclub but instead going to places that are going to have calmer surroundings such as meditation classes, parks, public walks and libraries.



Robdemanc
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14 Apr 2012, 2:03 pm

Maybe its more exhausting because we try to cover up our difficulties. I am often wondering if others notice the way I socialise. So maybe you are right and we should just relax and not care if our difficulties are obvious or not.



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14 Apr 2012, 2:34 pm

JCJC777 wrote:
Thanks everyone very much for the inputs.

We have many people staying. Tonight we're going to have 11 people staying in our house, and 13 here for lunch tomorrow.... aaaarrggghh

I'm going to try
- switching off my emotional working-out systems; I'm going to try much less hard to 'tune in' to other people; if the NT's are having a big emotion, they'll have to tell me. I'll be more wooden, less perceptive.
- I've also found an old note to myself on cartooning; if you just do a very simple children's cartoon of an upcoming situation; who is arriving when, what will happen, and when they're going - it can help Aspie mind's. I've done one.

My wife and I drove an hour away last night to dinner, into open country, on our own, which felt like it was healing also.


I somewhere along the line figured out how to stop trying to keep up with these social situations. I just find somewhere quiet or try to find a small subgroup to sit with. If you can break the group down its easier. I put on mental blinkers and ignore the crowd, it works for me. No overload.

Jason



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15 Apr 2012, 8:53 pm

Because I have to pretend to care.

Am I alone here ?


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JCJC777
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15 Apr 2012, 9:57 pm

Halligeninseln wrote:
There are so many reasons why social situations are exhausting. I don't want to list them all now but maybe just one of them is that NT social interaction is quite different to what one would naturally feel comfortable with. I went to an aspergers self-help group a few times and didn't find it exhausting (though it was a bit dull and not particularly useful).


very interesting you found socialising with Aspie's not exhausting



JCJC777
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15 Apr 2012, 10:11 pm

Cyonce wrote:
The more I can do things that help be be centered (meditation, positive self-talk) before going into social situations, the less draining they are though.


thanks. this is a really interesting idea.
I 'self-medicate' with chocolate to give me energy and take me away to a slightly different (more detached) place mentally, and/or alcohol to dull the pain, - but actually the chocolate makes me more edgy and aggressive, which causes problems, and I can still see through the alcohol.
But the idea of centre-ing before the social-ising is interesting: to sort of brace myself and give myself resources and momentum to carry me through. thanks



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15 Apr 2012, 10:14 pm

JCJC777 wrote:
Halligeninseln wrote:
There are so many reasons why social situations are exhausting. I don't want to list them all now but maybe just one of them is that NT social interaction is quite different to what one would naturally feel comfortable with. I went to an aspergers self-help group a few times and didn't find it exhausting (though it was a bit dull and not particularly useful).
very interesting you found socialising with Aspie's not exhausting


well it's true, though I'm no expert I've only been to one, look above to bold


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15 Apr 2012, 10:27 pm

Callista wrote:
I think it's hard because it just takes so much thought. It's like solving lots of difficult math problems one after the other, with no break. After a while, your brain just checks out--you need to relax for a while.

Just like math, you can get better at socializing, so that the easier parts aren't as brain-intensive anymore. But I think for us it'll always be a little difficult and a little more exhausting than it is for NTs.


THIS



daydreamer84
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15 Apr 2012, 10:27 pm

sorry...duplicate



Last edited by daydreamer84 on 16 Apr 2012, 12:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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16 Apr 2012, 12:10 am

For me its hard work because even though i enjoy it and need it i still feel stress and anxiety with people outside of my house, and i just overthink :/



JCJC777
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16 Apr 2012, 7:06 am

aussiebloke wrote:
Because I have to pretend to care.


interesting. have you tried not pretending to care? people don't like you if you do that?



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16 Apr 2012, 8:26 am

I find that I can converse without problem in a hobby situation because there are defined definitions of the subject to be discussed but I'm hopeless at general small talk.



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16 Apr 2012, 3:31 pm

Hmm, it depends on the context really. I'm OK in general social situations, when I'm on my own again I don't think ''oh, thank god for that.'' But it depends on what we do. Like today I was with my friend and we were going around clothes shops, and I dislike looking around clothes shops but didn't want to sound boring to my friend, so I went round with her - anyway, clothes shopping is all right in small doses, which is what I thought we were just going to do, but we ended up going in and out of every clothes shop in sight, plus the shops grew busier at midday, and I started to feel exhausted. My friend kept on saying, ''ohh, look at those trousers, aren't they nice?'' or, ''look at this bra, I like that,'' and I had to really fake enthusiasm, but inside I was getting all stressed out and just wanted to leave, but I didn't want to say ''I can't stand this any more, I'm going now'' and just walk out because it might sound offensive to her, and she likes me a lot, so I don't want to show the whiny side of me. But in some of the shops, a lot of women kept coming into the shop and all seemed to be at one corner of the shop at once (where we were), and everywhere I stood, someone's arm kept on reaching from behind me to grab the exact item I was standing in front of, and I had to force myself to not physically push them down and yell at them to get the f**k out of my way. I felt so relieved when we were finally out of the shopping area and on our way home to eat lovely sandwiches.

But I don't know whether to class that as exhaustion with social interaction (giving my friend friendly enthusiasm in the clothes), or the actual shopping itself, or the crowds in general.


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