Help! Just Aspie or Stalking me?

Page 1 of 1 [ 3 posts ] 

bookworm285
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 27 Dec 2010
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 160

21 Apr 2012, 10:14 pm

I met an Aspie guy 6 months ago. I'm an Aspie too. We had a brief fling. I decided to just be friends instead, and I let him know that. He holds out hope that "someday" I will want to be in a serious relationship with him. I've decided I won't, ever. That's unfair to him, and I will tell him how I feel soon.

I don't think he knows what appropriate behavior in friendship is. I'll discuss this with him also. He thanks me for telling him how I feel and says that other people all his life have just shut him out without explaining why.

I was willing to keep the friendship. But he keeps crossing my personal boundaries.

I've made it clear that when I have company, and even the day after, I may not message him. Here's what he did in ONE day alone, when I wouldn't answer him:

11 facebook messages
5 phone text messages
2 phone calls
1 e-mail
1 unannounced visit (I had made it clear for him not to ever come visit me unannounced.)

I'm definitely feeling stalked. When I say no, don't do something, I expect to be heard, Aspie, or not.

Here's my plan:
1. Define friendship vs. smothering (in person)
2. Tell the truth - I'll never want a relationship. (in person; about a week later)
3. Give him a chance to change. If he doesn't, I'll warn him, then cut all ties.

Please share your opinions and experiences with me!



JanuaryMan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,359

21 Apr 2012, 10:53 pm

I don't think you can be more fair than that :)

That's a lot of contact for 1 day most normal couples don't even communicate that much.
I think it comes down to him being aspie and having strong feelings for you at the same time. He may not know where to draw the line actively or emotionally for his well being and of course yours. Even if that's the case it doesn't justify the level of contact.

Your plan sounds level headed and well thought out. Stick with it, and all the best.



Adam82
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 615

21 Apr 2012, 11:12 pm

Aspies often can't draw the fine line between persistent courting, and stalking. I have never been this forward with a girl I've liked, but I have sent the odd facebook message to a girl. Not like 15 a day, though. Even I know that is creepy.

Give him a chance before cutting him off. Making him go cold turkey will hurt him a lot. Explain to him that you won't have a relationship with him, as you don't have feelings in that way for him. Tell him that a friendship is possible, and if he's not happy with that, then you'll have no choice but to cut him off.

And this is coming from a guy who has had problems communicating with girls before, and knows what it's like to have a close female friend reject you romantically.