Page 1 of 2 [ 27 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

book_noodles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 953

08 May 2012, 3:45 pm

NeueZiel wrote:
book_noodles wrote:
My mom said that I "wear people down until they snap."
That hurt. I sometimes second guess myself and try to figure out if I'm doing that...but I feel like a lot of people do :? I know that just because it's common, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, I just feel slightly better knowing that. :(

Yeah, it was kind of like that. She said I go between very quiet, withdraw, terrified but once I talk I just keep talking really fast and want to get every word in without realizing it and then sort of seem uninterested in what others say. It wasn't just that alone though.

The way she kept talking about me made it sound like I was demonically possessed and I jokingly told her to get a rabbi for me but she just shrugged my joke. I'm not religious anyway.

I think sometimes I take things people say very seriously...and demand accuracy and in doing so seem very argumentative. :( I'm trying to stop.


_________________
"If you look deeply emough into any person's soul, you can see the emu within them struggling to get out. Actually, most people don't have emus in their soul. Just me." - Invisible Dave, Lady of Emus


singularity
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 28 Mar 2012
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 322

08 May 2012, 4:16 pm

I've been told by several people that I'm very intense. A different way of saying the same thing.



book_noodles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 953

08 May 2012, 4:41 pm

singularity wrote:
I've been told by several people that I'm very intense. A different way of saying the same thing.

I agree with this actually. It's true of my mother, and she's admitted it. :P so it's not just me.


_________________
"If you look deeply emough into any person's soul, you can see the emu within them struggling to get out. Actually, most people don't have emus in their soul. Just me." - Invisible Dave, Lady of Emus


NeueZiel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,330
Location: Kapustin Yar

08 May 2012, 4:55 pm

MagicMeerkat wrote:
I find that people "drain" me.

Me too! The rare social excursion can leave me very zapped and sleepy. Its very weird, I keep to myself but if you give me a window to open up I love to say something. I'm realizing this more recently with my folks, I'll tire myself out. With others its a mix of fatigue from controlling myself, fighting the urge to stim (which I've been made fun of before) and trying to be a normal as possible and to say as little as possible. Whenever I do speak up around others I get ignored anyway.

I talked to mom later, discussed some stuff. Believe it or not she actually loves talking to me even if I can go on and on sometimes but I asked her about what you guys said, to tune of "Mom, the thing you said about draining..do you mean I just tend to dominate a conversation and tire you out when you really don't want to hear stuff anymore?" She is a very, very honest lady and an RN, she told me it was something different she couldn't quite explain. She said it was linked to how when I was very small I would talk while being recorded and make little presentations on my favorite dinosaurs but I would talk so fast my mouth couldn't process the words..or something. I'm not quite stating everything to what she said, my memory is fuzzy. The word thing is part of why I had a ton of speech therapy as a kid..though I wonder how much it helped me. I still have trouble pronouncing a lot of words and it makes me feel very dumb.


Anyways, thanks for all the comments and words everyone.



conan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 784

08 May 2012, 5:04 pm

singularity wrote:
I've been told by several people that I'm very intense. A different way of saying the same thing.


i don't think it has to mean the same thing but sure can. One of my exes said i was intense, not as an insult or anthing. I'm fairly happy that i don't do the whole one sided conversation thing too much



Zinia
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 344

08 May 2012, 5:12 pm

Wow! Your mom sounds really nice. You guys have great communication together.

So she meant that it's "draining" to try to understand what you are saying when you're talking too fast? Or something? That makes sense. It probably takes a little extra effort for her to understand what you're saying, just like it takes you effort to express yourself clearly. She obviously values what you're trying to communicate.

I just have to repeat that I love how you asked her about that--you guys have awesome communication.



kBillingsley
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 234

08 May 2012, 5:23 pm

I once made my own mother cry with my stark realism. I have a kind of contagious sadness: I suspect because I am never sad about personal problems, but rather all-encompassing things that affect everyone. I also tend to corrupt people, for example, I started some of my friends off on my own brand of dark, racist, sexist, satirical comedy. I just hope that in my last judgement I am not asked to answer about all of the nasty things I passively and unintentionally do to people.



jackbus01
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,197

10 May 2012, 2:34 pm

I don't often want to talk to people, but when I do I prefer lengthly discussions that sometimes border on intense. Unfortunately, people often don't want to talk about in-depth serious stuff. Some people want to do feel-good small talk and that's just irritating.
It works both ways. People drain me and I drain them. This is probably because I am an introvert.



Ai_Ling
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,891

10 May 2012, 7:17 pm

Yes I used to be quite the drainer as well but I've learned how to tone down my behavior significantly. There is a time and place for personal jabbering. Not to follow someone around in a store or cafeteria and ask them question after question, going on and on and on about super personal issues to the point of irritation. I find us aspies often fall into the hopeless pity me cycle where we get so emotionally messed up. We continue to mess it up even further by continuously draining everyone around us.



ooo
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2012
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 494

12 May 2012, 3:49 am

lundygirl wrote:
I think maybe your mum is trying to say that your behaviour is draining - eg often asking questions, wanting in-depth discussion about things, that kind of stuff.


THIS.

We drain other people because of the repetitiveness, the same questions, the inability to deal with loudness/etc., intense discussions, and everything else.

We drain ourselves, too.



ooo
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2012
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 494

12 May 2012, 3:52 am

NeueZiel wrote:
MagicMeerkat wrote:
I find that people "drain" me.

I would talk so fast my mouth couldn't process the words..or something.


Me too.

We tend to be obsessive about certain topics or interests.
We tend to lecture.
We've memorized so much about our interests that our minds move so fast our mouths can't keep up.

Someone talking fast is tiring to listen to.
Someone talking about the same interests for a long time is tiring.
Someone being overly intense about a topic is tiring.

Add to that other quirks, like our being tired after social conversations, etc., and it's rough on them and us.



NeueZiel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,330
Location: Kapustin Yar

12 May 2012, 4:03 am

ooo wrote:
NeueZiel wrote:
MagicMeerkat wrote:
I find that people "drain" me.

I would talk so fast my mouth couldn't process the words..or something.


Me too.

We tend to be obsessive about certain topics or interests.
We tend to lecture.
We've memorized so much about our interests that our minds move so fast our mouths can't keep up.

Someone talking fast is tiring to listen to.
Someone talking about the same interests for a long time is tiring.
Someone being overly intense about a topic is tiring.

Add to that other quirks, like our being tired after social conversations, etc., and it's rough on them and us.

Exactly. This is 100% how I feel. Its one of those things I'd rather just learn to deal with and accept, its part of me but it does get lonely sometimes but feels really good when someone does reciprocate or relate, those rare situations. I don't blame people for feeling drained by it though.