Where the loneliness comes from

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Sometimes since getting the revelatory late in life autism diagnosis, a profound sad sense of loneliness washes over me.

Realizing as an Aspie that my perceptions and experience of the world and life is completely different than 97% of humanimals on earth is a bit shocking. No matter how helpful, kind and loving I am, ppl will still not relate. My interests, although perfectly logical and reasonable to me, are not at all aligned with other ppl's interests -- even in groups which are formed supposedly to focus on the subject of interest.

Lately I have been aghast at how some groups are far more interested in their social shenanigans, turf wars, and petty money jealousy than the topic of interest. Instead of learning, growing, expanding their knowledge and skills, they want to shoot down anybody from anywhere with any expertise in the topic of interest. It seems beyond bizarre.

I pray I get out of Earth and go to a place where ppl have a focused sincere interest in things without being hopelessly diverted by illogical incomprehensible social crap.

The only way life is bearable is to be in tune with God Who shares my same interests in a pure focused manner.

This is where I wish I was the type of Aspie who had a special interest in mainstream things what most women are into, like clothes shopping, certain TV shows, celebrities, and beauty. Well, I'm not even into things that men generally like either, like sports and cars and whatever else they like.

I'm into....nothing really. That's where I feel lonely and very boring to other people.

God made you autistic. He must have had some reason to put an autistic person in your particular place in the world. He makes everyone different from everyone else; differences are part of being human. It makes life better for everyone when we're all different, because for each different perspective there's another potential solution to a problem, another potential way of seeing things, another potential way of making things better. I firmly believe that disabilities are a natural part of the world--and that rather than distancing us from others, being disabled should prompt us to contribute our own perspectives, add them to everyone else's.

Loneliness is normal for human beings. We are social creatures, all of us, to some degree. For the extreme introverts, like me, that can be expressed by exchanging information, like I do here; or by doing things for others--forging social connections through material assistance, like what I do when I work at the food pantry or crochet blankets for Project Linus. It can even mean thinking up and propagating new ideas for others to build on, like a scientist can do even if he does all his work alone (unusual, but not impossible; most scientists do work in teams). For more extroverted people, it includes more face-to-face contact and group membership but the principle is still the same: We're driven to form connections to the rest of the world in some way or another.

Find your own way to form those connections. What is it you want to contribute to the rest of the world? Do you want to pass on ideas? Or would you rather contribute material things?: Work as a janitor and leave a clean office for the secretary; plant a garden; build a model ship and give it to a friend. Find what you like and what you want to leave behind, and work on that. You don't have to socialize in the NT way; in fact, it may be better if you don't. The world needs diversity, not sameness. Find your own interaction style. Be who you are, and connect with others to see who they are. Find the people who appreciate your knowledge, the people who want to learn. Contribute to your field. Discuss ideas. Find youngsters or neophytes who are interested and tutor them. Find experts and learn from them.

Loneliness sucks--the need to connect is there--but it's not true that you need to connect the same way everybody else does.

Preferring a special interest over socialising is great until it becomes all about sex. I don't think my present obsession would work well with, err, more godly beliefs lol. Oh dear. I thought this particular obsession had passed..it seems not!

Been there done all that. Lifetime of generous giving in all ways. Good karma. But all of it does not stop the realization that the type of connection I would like is not going to happen. It certainly happens spiritually but not day to day with other ppl on earth.

Already know why God made me autistic, and appreciate its blessings.

Not generally lonely, very happy inwardly, but the startling realization of just how intractably different I am, illustrated by recent events where I quietly sat back and watched groups with supposedly same interests trash an expert, does lead to sad waves of loneliness and a kind of depression about being on this very primitive planet.

Before I was diagnosed I kept trying to understand why things happened as they did. Now I know that others do not operate on the same type of calm logic and focus on facts. Other considerations, mainly social, have far more weight for most ppl I observe and doom these ppl to a narrow non-progressive existence.

Earth, the way man has desecrated it in so many ongoing and worsening ways, is not for me. A place where all are kind, love God, respect Nature and progress with interest in advancement and facts is the place for me.

I am most definitely on the wrong planet. I pray God rectifies this awful error soon. Meanwhile I'm working on raising my vibration, visualizing the place I want to be, and earning the privilege of being there.

Referring to Callista's post, LOL

I wonder how often NTs are lonely. I think maybe the answer would be "more than you might think". Because--even though they have more ability to socialize, they have a greater need to socialize, too.

Neurotransmitters as far as I'm aware.

i realize most people are diffrent, but they are the same in the ways that allow them to draw others to them. I think too hard, feel too much, and push away just too hard. I feel like when im alone, all judgments of myself and all the things that seem so painfully obvious to me when im around others simply cease to matter, needless to say i try to stay alone most of the time. the lonliness is very crushing, not even trusting your own family to tell the of anything because even they judge you. i play video games almost all the time now, and treat people like an annoyance most of the time, though its not really intentional. I cant focus worth anything unless its a subject of interest, and as soon as it is, i can accomplish nearly anything i set my mind to, and its a given that i think very distinctly diffrent then anyone around me. when i care, i care too much, when i get sad, i fall to the lowest of lows, and when i get that brief moment of happiness, it too is strong. i am at times very strong, but deep down it hurts, so much more so then i could begin to describe, ive had an incredibly broken family and was a loner ever since about 11 or 12, though before that, i apparently was a people person. i dont know if i have it or not, but i show about 80 to 90 percent of the symptoms, and by chance i met some interesting people on an online game i was playing, and for once i felt like they could actually understand half the things i was saying and it turned out they were aspies, and they figured i was too. i could go on forever about my complexities, dreams, philosophies and so forth but id rather try to keep it short though ive already somewhat failed ._. going from the gifted and talented program for geniuses in 1st and 2nd and 3rd grade, to utter apathy and people thinking i was as slow as could be, unless they talked to me or looked past the homework assignments i never turned in and saw i scored a's on tests for the most part without studying or being there. i am an anomaly in the system, someone struggling to find themselves as i change from one day to the next, fighting back the lonliness that has been all consuming, im not sure where to turn, i desire to change things, my life, maybe even the world, but lack the ability to break this cruel cycle and cant ever muster the motivation for longer then a small while to do nearly anything outside of my gaming/manga reading, and going on social networking sites. I was also bullied from a very young age, and once i became physically capable of defending myself, it became mental or social bullying, which has happened in any setting i was forced to be around others such as job corps, the navy, all the schooling systems. im trying to keep hope but im stuck..any advice? i lso can sing, write poetry and have many talents, but it doesnt seem to do me much good =/, im hoping someone will understand, this is my cry for help in a way, the sound that has missed the ears of others since i can remember, this is my last shot really, theres only so much aimless struggling one can endure you know

I've also been feeling very lonely lately. I think, for me, that has to do with not being able to really talk to anyone about what I'm going through. It's difficult to verbally express my feelings and even if I could do so properly I'd have no one to talk to. At least no one who'd really understand. Most people I know just talk about shallow things. That annoys me.

It use to be a lot worse when I was younger, especially when I would dwell on the past and my few relationship-ish endeavors, one of which was more me being yanked and lied to by someone I really admired and the other involving being "used" by someone and assuming any type of romance or closeness could follow. I've learned that it only aggravates the loneliness if you get horny a lot or think of sex. I've come to the point where I try my best to avoid all sexual thought because it creates this big void inside me.

In terms of loneliness in general I just try to overload myself with things I like but I do have my crashes where I get very sad. Sometimes I feel this HUGE jealousy for aspies that are "cool" or have a beneficial obsession, like math, engineering, or cars. Jealousy is stupid though and as a close friend use to tell me "Everything is relative".

ive tried all those things, though i didnt ever find a doctor who ever really would listen to me, ive also tried a couple anti depressants and such, ive tried nearly everything including bad habits like trying to drink some(which makes me so sick every single time i stop for a long time) and i tried to stay away from more damaging running away methods. i dont really know where else to turn, though ive tried almost every resource, and yeah..i used to think being on meds make you weak, but then i realized, that foolish pride will get me nowhere as well, especially if it isnt a will power thing.

yeah sorry about the no breaks, i just never really apply them. i just dont know if its me, or if it was societies doing, making me fel inadaquate where i really shouldnt be. I also thought these forums could only help me so much, but i want to be sure of a few things before i start seeking more extreme alternatives such as taking on a condition i almost fully believe i have, i just dont know.

It still feels like just yesterday when lonely packed more punch. Before online. I remember nights in a little Tampa room thinking loneliness would bring me to an end before sunrise. Better now. And being married to wrong person certainly recontextualized my bias about lonely - & wrong. Lonely included w/ DNA, no satisfaction guarantee. At least now we know we're out there. It's not as little a little room as before. Then again my hormones have calmed, & that is definite freedom.

also it doesnt have much to do with the bigger problems, but i used to be very very socially awkward between 10-18, and i was hurt by many things and many people and kept things inside which im sure is affecting me now, i mean honestly maybe i just need someone to talk to that understands, and would listen not just because its their job, someone on the same mental level as me, which is pretty hard to find generally but the people here, especially you even, have that higher form of intelligence that i can relate to, and completely off topic even further, but if thats you, your a very beautiful woman =P