A reason I failed

Post Reply New Topic

I'm European, we go to high school at age 12/13 and it takes, depending on which level fits you, 4,5, or 6 years.
Age 0-12 I went from strange to all right to 'outstanding' student
Age 12-16 I had Latin and Greek, had the best times, at 15/16 y/o had to do (the 4th school-)year over. Failed again, sent me away.
Age 16-17 Tried a different school at a lower level (no Latin/Greek and simpler lessons) but failed, didn't finish the 4th grade.
Failed to sign in other schools, they rejected me.
Trouble with attendance officer after holidays; i had no education, they forced me on a working-based school where no diploma is required. For adolescents. I lasted 2/3 months. Got depressed. Got hospitalized. Turned 18 in there, stayed 6 months.
So suddenly I was 'adult' and free. Had to leave the house. Age 19 I went to a group for the homeless/disabled/ex-criminal youth, I did well, after 8 months I got my own house with 1 other PDD-NOS female and 1 other Aspie male.

I Want to explain here. It's my parent's fault, they had to divorce and they were disconnected to the family anyway, and their children were 'fine'. They got careless with the drinks and moved a few times throughout the city While I slipped off to a homeless pothead. They blamed me for all 'my' failures and never said any sorry. So thats a reason. But I knew that, already, now I just realized something I could share.
I Failed Because The study at school was absorbing me, and I had not enough energy for it anymore. But let's just focus on my ability to study and not the conditions at the time.
I Learn fast. I like learning, I get easily interested and what ever gets to me, I have to know every detail for the full scale picture. But Studying at school, for some vague long-term goal I could not comprehend, and the short term knowledge, were making me so tired, because for the major part it isn't anything of my premium interest at the time-being. But I get absorbed, kinda forced. And year after year repeating the cycle would have been tiring itself, but I could have made that and be a healthy, disciplined student right now if there was any support from home. Logically, I failed. And I, even my direct 'loved ones' failed to recognize my condition.
Yes, every child needs support, but perhaps a child could have been more mature at a earlier age, to be prepared for unexpected changes, just in case to be safe rather then sorry. But there is no blame. I remember me as a child making comments to my father, which sometimes he could not ever comprehend. I know that I can rationalize a unicorn having a BBQ on my balcony while chanting bittersweet symphonies with the doves in the middle of the night.
So it comes down to this. I am quite content for what I've learned..... I don't deserve all the bad things but now I feel like a survivor or so. It is time to prove myself what I'm truly worth. I have to say, it's been a ride.
So the moral to this story absolutely made-up and abject, and don't forget, inspiration has an ending, so don't exaggerate the outcome.

Any other people soaking in their self-pity?