Do I go and sleep or do I make up an exuse??? Help!

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CaliforniaSh33p
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04 Jun 2012, 11:43 am

Alright. So: This Wednesday I’m invited to a party. It is an NT's who doesn't know I have aspergers.

She's really nice and certain kids are aloud to sleep. Those Closer and who she likes more than others - I'm invited to sleep! At first I was exited, it would be a blast? Now! Now I’m dreading it... What if – the highly likely event in which I have a meltdown due to a social over-load. I may be marked for the rest of my school days (I have a couple more years to go!) I just don't want to make a scene. I have been told I think like an autistic. I'm definitely on the autistic/Aspergers borderline. I have sensory-overload to touch and taste, I get snappy and need to "re-charge" in over 1-2+ hours of social interaction. They are a lot of other things but they are irrelevant to this. This may be a problem... My mum says I can't tell anyone I'm autistic... Because some people freak out.

I'm just dreading it... My mum says it'll be a blast! But in my head I'm freaking out and could cry at the thought! I don't want to be a pain and lose her as a friend and I have no clue what to do!

So, what would you do if put in a situation where you where invited to the cinema and pizza at 2pm and to sleep 'round with a bunch of NT kids. =/ Nightmare!! !! ! =(



WerewolfPoet
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04 Jun 2012, 12:32 pm

Think of it as a training objective: there is going to be a point in your life where you will have to spend a significant amount of time around neurotypicals. "Training" early makes things easier in the future. Try to focus on the positive--the things you'll learn, the interactions you'll have, the ability to say, "I did it!" at the end of it all--and less on the negative. If you do have a meltdown, you can claim that you are under a lot of stress (school, family, athletics, dating, ect.; whatever would be the most believable in your instance); NTs have meltdowns as well--I have witnessed several of them. Teenage girls are moody; this is understandable.

Don't fret over any mistake you may make. Everyone has their bad moments. Believe it or not, teenagers tend to forget and forgive quite easily. As soon as the next social mistake occurs, which will likely be soon, your blunder will be completely and totally forgotten.

Also, perhaps you should politely mention to your mother that hiding your Aspergers may not be the course of action. You have the disorder regardless of whether or not you have the label--the behavior persists, and it may confuse people who do not know about it. Whether or not this should be disclosed depends on the person, of course, and your friends may be at a level of immaturity where it is perhaps better that they do not know, but I have personally found that mentioning the diagnosis helps my NT friends to understand me a bit better. Of course, I have befriended an exceptionally kind group of individuals. :lol:

In my experience, people do not react all that harshly to the revelation of a diagnosis.

Perhaps you could find a "happy medium"; either have you mother explain the diagnosis to the mother of the friend and offer advice on how to handle your meltdowns, stay part of the night, but have your mom pick you up when you feel the need to (you can offer excuses such as feeling ill, needing to attend to something at home, ect.), or claiming that you have medical issues (you don't have to be specific--most NTs, at least that I know, do not care for specifics) that requires you to "cool down"/be alone/ect. If they do inquire about specifics, you can simply state that you have sensory issues. Most people will not associate sensory issues with autism. Those that will can probably deduce that you're autistic anyways from your mannerisms and probably won't care all that much.

If the thought is simply too much to bear, however, there is no shame in not going if you can absolutely not bring yourself to attend. You could make an excuse--feeling ill, need volunteer hours and thus have to volunteer at something--or you can be completely and totally honest-- "I really appreciate your offer, but I've never been to a sleepover before and it makes me really uncomfortable."


At any rate, I hope you have a blast with whatever route you can decide to take. :) Sleepovers may be overwhelming, yes, but they can also be a truly rewarding experience, and, either way, you can at least say that you attempted something that truly frightened you--many people cannot claim as much.



MONKEY
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04 Jun 2012, 1:21 pm

Go, it'll add to your social experience, You could make some friends for life. If it doesn't go well you know it's not your thing.


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Choala
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04 Jun 2012, 7:25 pm

Go! Social events can be a bit much, but if you don't go to them when you're young, you might end up dreading them forever.

If you can't tell, or don't want to tell, you have autism, try explaining some symptoms to your friend.

Something like: "Well, I am looking forward to the party! But I have to tell you, I can get a bit nervous when there are too much people. It's just a personality trait. There's a chance I need to retreat for a few minutes, so I can get back to energy. You can compare it to being awake. If you're awake for too long, you want to lie down for a few minutes. It works like that for me with people. So, if I'm nowhere to be found, standing outside on my own or taking a long bathroom break, I am just getting a rest!" could work.

Does this friend live close to your home? In that case, you can always make up an excuse later in the evening. First tell your friend, then tell the group: "I'm feeling a little sick. I'm so sorry, but I think I'd rather go home. I've had so much fun with you guys! Really, again, I'm sorry. Have an amazing evening!"



CaliforniaSh33p
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05 Jun 2012, 5:45 am

Thanks everybody! I'm going but I'm preparing myself for the worst. Hopefully: They'll be only one other. But if not, I have to prepare or I'll be in a frustrated stance for the rest of the party! I might say: "I need the toilet" or something a few times... I don't know...

Thankyou!! !