what do you live for?
What do I live for?
Thinking one day I will be out of Seattle, being able to do the things I like to do. Have a consistent job that I am good at the uses my skills. Meet a real friend on the way. Have peace, quiet, and time.
Now I have a job that is consistent, but I work at almost any time of the day, at multiple locations in the Puget Sound area. I have to drive 60- 200 miles a day. Pack 16-53 ft of stuff into trucks each day, some are 4,000 lbs, some are 10,000 lbs. coffee coffee, Three times a week I have to take the ferry boat, on Sundays there is a 90 minute wait, plus 30 minutes to cross, 30 minutes to get to the ferry. The population density is so high here, if I try to walk a way, every direction I turn there is always more people, if I find a place to hide for my lunch, I get searched by police. coffee coffee, The people that give us the items for resale are rude, fore broken stuff to you, force furniture when my truck is full and there is no where to put it and its not our property. "Its raining", "ok", "your so rude I won't come back". I stand outside all day in the rain getting unwanted items. coffee coffee There is never anytime, move move move, go to this location. Take a phone here, take paper work here, take 70 TVs here, go to the bank, they're not ready, waste of time, talk to this business owner, fail, talk to this home owner, fail, get lost, use my gps, no one else does, too many cars, all the intersections blocked up, go to Bainbridge Island 7:30am, get containers first in Seattle at 4:00am. Coffee coffee coffee now now now, no time, get home at 1:00am, be up the next day at 5:30Am. If I get 27Ft one day, i have to unload it all the next morning but quickly enough to start the new day and get it all over again. So yes it takes most of my energy, on my day off I don't want to do anything, and it takes too long to go to the mountains, and I don't know any one here To go with, I don't have time to get to know any one, if I do I am too fast due to my job, coffee coffee. I just wrote this all on my phone. I would like to take a vacation. I said that too fast too.
Last edited by unreal3x on 12 Jun 2012, 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I also live for my friends and family. I used to feel more at ease living my life as it came until a few years ago, but now, as I've realized more of my true nature, the high probability that I will never achieve anything outstanding in my life, that my mere existence will be more of a challenge for me as I age, that most likely I won't ever be in a fulfilling relationship with someone and will never have kids to live for, it really takes a strong soul to bear with life.
However, I'm determined to stay alive, fight suicidal thoughts, and search for a purpose in my life. Perhaps, I could provide appropriate help to other (autistic and non-autistic) people who are in need, and that's something that would really make me feel better.
And last but not least, I don't want to miss the opportunity if fate would smile on me at one time in the future.
_________________
Another non-English speaking - DX'd at age 38
"Aut viam inveniam aut faciam." (Hannibal) - Latin for "I'll either find a way or make one."
And yes, that's my long thought-through answer (it had plenty of reality checks even with professionals who struggled to understand what I live for = what I treasure) that is closest to why I think and feel the way I do and the reason why I don't feel inclined to commit suicide.
What I enjoy about life is being alive. Pain = I'm alive. Happiness = I'm alive. Being alive is intense and I take great pleasure in intense experiences.
I realise that hits isn't the highly sophisticated philosophical kind of reason and neither the fuzzy ohh-life-is-so-precious-in-an-emotional-sort-of-way reason. And maybe other people truly don't like intensity and they would prefer not to experience anything if offered as an alternative to experiencing pain.
I don't need to be alive. I don't care about people being sad if I died (because I'd be dead so... and what's the pain of others that I can't feel to me when I am not even alive anymore and can't help them cope with it if I wanted to?). But it's a short time and an irreplaceable experience so I'm thinking to myself, why should I not take advantage of it as I see fit? At worst, it's over for all of eternity very "soon" anyway (compare the human lifespan with the age of earth or with "just" the history of mankind).
That's is a beautiful answer.
I live for myself, my husband, my pets, to enjoy nature, to watch the clouds and the stars, and to learn new things. I like to be creative and productive, to experience living a peaceful life (obviously not every day is peaceful, but those moments are wonderful). I live for the fleeting little moments of bliss that come my way, for the flow of work I enjoy. For good food, knitting, writing, enjoying stories of all kinds (novels, movies), learning more about my favorite subjects, and being creative. I live for quiet time at home, and the peace of our trees in our yard and the birds that visit them.
JWS
Velociraptor
Joined: 14 Apr 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 448
Location: The mountains of eastern Kentucky
What do I live for?
Let's see.....I live for my Mom, partly, but also in the (vague) hope of being a Dad some day (need a REAL loving girlfriend! ) ; I live for my exercises (pull-ups, pushups, etc.); I live for my hobbies, like collecting old rotary- dial telephones, old wind-up clocks, or whatever I may become interested in collecting.....Sometimes (like lately) I haven't really wanted to live that much, but hope making new friends will help me, in that respect.
So, that's what I live for.....
JWS
_________________
An Asperger's man who has Autism Spectrum Disorder level 1- mild, with a sprinkling of Synesthesia.
That's so sad. At least it's warm out. Unless you're in the south; that's kind of a bummer too. In which case, ignore I said anything.
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