Dating People in Mental Health Fields

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DogsWithoutHorses
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13 Jun 2012, 3:51 pm

Anyone have any experience dating someone who deals with autism/aspergers/pdd-nos in their line of work/study?
Did it have an effect on the relationship? Did you start to feel like a "patient" instead of a partner?
Did you have ideological differences about curbieism/disability/neurodiversity?

Has anyone experienced anxiety about having a relationship with someone because they work with our disorder?
Does anyone consciously exclude/avoid professionals/students who work with autism from their dating pool?


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Smartalex
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16 Jun 2012, 12:13 am

It's wierd.

I'm NT, my dad's a psychiatrist, I love him to death but every person that I've meet that works in the field is nuts. And I've been to a LOT of psychiatrist MD conventions.

Just saying...



1000Knives
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16 Jun 2012, 12:39 am

I've seen and met very many psychs, with the majority being nuts. No experience dating them, but yeah. The most "normal" ones I've met were the social workers still in school/just out of school, the strangest were the doctors that have been in it many years. The main thing I've noticed with psychs is, how sorta duplicitous (might not be the right word usage) they are, they're quite capable of pandering to you one minute, and stabbing you in the back the next.

Just keep in mind, they're literally trained to be manipulative, to know what "buttons" to push, read human emotions/etc. In bad hands, it's quite bad, obviously you've heard of how many psychs get in trouble for having relationships with teenage patients/etc. I believe some get into it because they're power hungry, as you're in quite a position of power as a psychiatrist. The others get into it with a vague notion of helping people. Alot of the types, at least males I see, getting into psychiatry, are sort of "Aspies." Basically, they're "Aspies" with the ability to read/be sensitive to the emotions of other people. As far as the power hungry thing goes with that, they figure psychiatry will give them the ability to fight back against the people they don't like mentally, if that makes sense (Yay for me psycho-analyzing them.)

That all said, I've met good psychiatrists, but the bad ones are sorta...especially bad. As far as dating, I can't say I've got any experience with that at all. You're gonna get alot of different types of people in those professions, so obviously it varies from person to person, but I guess the negative things I said, watch out for. One psychiatrist I talked to (pretty much the straightest shooting and most understanding of Aspergers I've talked to) said "Half of them wanna help people, half of them need help."



poppyfields
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16 Jun 2012, 1:23 am

Not dated but both my parents work in special ed (and I do too during the summer) and I don't know if I could stand dating someone like that just because I hate when I analyze everything I do in this window of is it an aspie thing and for someone else to always be analyzing me, well I think it would tire them out.



Smartalex
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16 Jun 2012, 1:29 am

poppyfields wrote:
Not dated but both my parents work in special ed (and I do too during the summer) and I don't know if I could stand dating someone like that just because I hate when I analyze everything I do in this window of is it an aspie thing and for someone else to always be analyzing me, well I think it would tire them out.


OHHH I'm in grad school for special ed and secondary ed!! !! !

My grandmother was a teacher for 35 years, she fought with my grandfather everyday, teachers NEED to see growth. If you grow, you're ok, but if you're stubborn like my grandfather, forget it. But even if you're bad but show growth, its ok for a teacher. Special ed teachers are still teachers, the NEED growth.



Night_Shade917
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16 Jun 2012, 5:56 am

Honestly I would say it depends on the person. Some people like helping others and understanding different perspectives. I don't think it would be right to analyse your partners every move and use it against them. Some people can have a really good understanding of AS or study in Psychology but that doesn't mean they're going to use it against them because they know all about it. However, there probably are people out there that will do that like 1000 knives said. I think it varies from person to person since everybody is different.



OliveOilMom
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16 Jun 2012, 6:04 am

I became friends with my therapist. We had so much in common that it was impossible not to. When it got to the point that our therapy sessions were just talking about our own lives like you would over coffee, we called that quits and moved our sessions to a restaurant or our respective kitchens. I didn't feel wierd. She was crazier than I was, really.

I also used to know a psychiatrist that was a junkie. A literal shoot-up-heroin-junkie. He was all Mr Conservative and a tight-a** while at work but away from work he was completely different. You would have never guessed how much of a redneck that guy was from seeing him and interacting with him at work. He got "Freebird" tattoed on his thigh when he was almost 40. Now thats redneck.


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bizboy1
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16 Jun 2012, 8:29 am

I had this particular male psychiatrist who wore pink crocs and a pink woman's hat to the session. He played first person shooters and was offended and then got upset when I said wrestling was fake. Apparently, he thinks it's real. My mom thought he was a pedo.



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16 Jun 2012, 9:12 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
I also used to know a psychiatrist that was a junkie. A literal shoot-up-heroin-junkie. He was all Mr Conservative and a tight-a** while at work but away from work he was completely different. You would have never guessed how much of a redneck that guy was from seeing him and interacting with him at work. He got "Freebird" tattoed on his thigh when he was almost 40. Now thats redneck.


What's wrong with Freebird? It's an acceptable song even in this dictatorship of the politically correct. And it's a pretty good song, too. It's not a deadly sin to have that tattooed. If he had a Nicki Minaj song tattooed on his forehead, on the other hand, he would have been the one on the couch. That's just plain idiocy.

As for the original question, yes. If I had the choice, I would - the young women working in mental health I've met so far were very friendly, and never really annoyed me. They were slightly odd, but that's alright - I'm full-out insane compared to almost anyone I've ever met.



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16 Jun 2012, 9:36 am

It would be inappropriate for somebody working in mental health to date one of their clients.

People with mental health conditions are vulnerable and may not be able to fully consent to the relationship.

They should steer clear of these relationships (even if the client instigates it) because it could seriously damage their reputation and cost them their job.



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16 Jun 2012, 10:19 am

I work in social services, not mental health specifically, but I can say a lot of people who get into the 'helping professions' are just as screwed up as anyone else, if not more so.

I know a lot of people, including myself, who were motivated to get into helping a particular population because they were trying to better make sense out of some sort of past issue or experience of their own. Also, working in a high-stress, emotionally-demanding position can take a toll on just about anyone after a while.

As long as you do not have a working relationship with them, ie. Therapist/Social Worker and Client, and need to maintain a professional level of distance, it is not really an Us vs. Them situation. People are just people and we all have baggage.



The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Jun 2012, 11:05 am

The whole psychiatry is a messed up profession and industry.

The Scientologists are messed up themselves but they're right on that one.



mike_br
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16 Jun 2012, 5:00 pm

I'd feel weird, I guess.
But in the end, it depends on the individual.
Would she be able to keep her profession from her private life to some degree? Would she be able to hold a conversation without it becoming theraphy?



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16 Jun 2012, 5:08 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The whole psychiatry is a messed up profession and industry.
The Scientologists are messed up themselves but they're right on that one.

I disagree. Psychiatry is just another medical field, except it's for mental health, rather than physical health. If a patient is having problems with constant bad moods, etc., psychiatry is a way to provide appropriate medication to make someone feel happy, calm them down, etc. Of course, if mood-altering medications were sold over the counter, there wouldn't be a need for psychiatry. People would just buy what they need themselves. But since the US Congress wants to make sure that hospitals and big pharma keep making profits, they will never make that possible. So psychiatry is the next-best alternative.

Psychology is the field that's messed up. You still have to talk about your feelings, only you don't get any medication in the end. I see absolutely nothing beneficial in retraumatizing yourself by "talking about feelings", and get zilch at the end; i.e. no pills, nothing. With psychiatry, you still have to "talk about feelings", but you get some nice mood-elevators at the end. With psychology, you don't; it's just wasting your time with the feelings talk.



Smartalex
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17 Jun 2012, 1:49 am

This all burns so much!



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17 Jun 2012, 3:46 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Anyone have any experience dating someone who deals with autism/aspergers/pdd-nos in their line of work/study?
Did it have an effect on the relationship? Did you start to feel like a "patient" instead of a partner?
Did you have ideological differences about curbieism/disability/neurodiversity?

Has anyone experienced anxiety about having a relationship with someone because they work with our disorder?
Does anyone consciously exclude/avoid professionals/students who work with autism from their dating pool?


I have never dated anyone like that, but I work in psych myself, but not specializing in autism, in another field.
I'm planning on changing careers, but for right now it's still my job.

I would never date another psychologist.

It really depends on why they get into the field in the first place (as others have already said). Having said that, it also depends on their personality and attitude.

As far as personality, those who tend to be controlling, would probably use their own knowledge in psych in order to get you to do what they want, probably even if it was only subconsciously. Those who are accepting, would probably be an excellent match. Most of us won't put our psychologist hats on outside of work unless you specifically ask us to, or unless it is relevant to the situation.

As far as attitude goes, most of my colleagues have terrible attitudes towards autism and in fact know very little about it, so much so that I have not disclosed my DX. But all of the psychs at the clinic where I was diagnosed (which is a specialist clinic for autism), had wonderful attitudes towards autism, probably because they do specialize in this and know their way around it well.

That doesn't necessarily mean they would be ideal to date even though they would have a much thorough understanding of it, often it is much better not to mix your work and your personal life to that extent. I have seen people specializing in a field, but also having a partner or children who are in that same category, and in my experience the person can get overwhelmed at times, because they simply have no "break" to speak of, because they are dealing with it 24/7. It gets exhausting for them. Everyone needs a break, and that is why it is a good idea to keep your professional and personal life separate, which is why in my opinion, it would not be a good idea to date someone who works in that field if you happen to have a condition in it.


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