Intense special interests causing problems

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Atomsk
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17 Jun 2012, 9:01 pm

This thread is about special interests causing problems in your life.

One problem I have is how I react when I'm disturbed while doing special interest stuff.

I keep getting disturbed by my mother and sister when I'm doing special interest stuff - they will knock on my door, or call my name, and make me come to them to be told something they could have just said from the other room - often it's something inane, like some funny thing they saw on the internet and wanted to show me - yet I'm never amused by things when they call me from my room to check them out, and I certainly never act amused. Usually when I'm interrupted and they say "come here" I utter curses and such, then anything they wanted me to do or show me or whatever is met with total uncaring by me, as well as anger and frustration at having to stop all productivity for something I perceive as inane and pointless. Often, it's something that I would find amusing under normal circumstances, or something I would care about, but if I am told about it while in the middle of special interest stuff, it's met with total apathy by me, and immense irritation at having to stop what I was doing.

Part of what makes me mad is also that it totally derails everything I was doing - I've lost many pieces of music I was making, or had thought up, or was trying to get recorded, because of these interruptions. Ideas just gone forever. If I'm disturbed while trying to learn something or figure something out, it also throws me completely off focus and off track - when I come back to it I'm all frustrated and can't do everything the way I want.

What makes it worse is that I'm almost always doing special interest stuff - I've always had very very intense special interests. My primary one, which has almost always been the primary one, pretty much consumes my entire life. It gives me immense enjoyment and a sense of accomplishment, but sometimes it causes difficulties when I'm doing anything

Another thing is, I'm practically always bringing a bass, or sometimes a guitar, with me at all times. I have intense attachment to my main bass (my fretless J-Bass), even feeling like it has a personality, feelings, etc. (although I know it does not because it's an inanimate object). I feel like my intense interest in my newest guitar (new to me - it's a 1990 gibson les paul studio) is turning into the same type of attachment. The J-Bass even has a name (it's the only instrument I've ever owned that I've named). I don't think the people I'm around mind me doing it - they often ask me if they can play and I let them - it's also very quiet unamplified - if there's a normal amount of background noise in an area with several people in it, I can only hear it if I put my chin against my bass while I play.

While this isn't necessarily disruptive or bad, it seems like it might be a very weird thing to do. Either way, if I don't do it I'm often too bored to want to be wherever I am, or doing whatever I'm doing. If I'm not doing special interest stuff it's very easy for me to get bored.



vanhalenkurtz
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17 Jun 2012, 9:14 pm

J-Bass. What's the name?


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Atomsk
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17 Jun 2012, 9:36 pm

vanhalenkurtz wrote:
J-Bass. What's the name?


Gimbles. Pronounced like you would "gimbals" - the rotating parts used in many applications such as mounting compasses on ships.



btbnnyr
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17 Jun 2012, 9:40 pm

I hate any interruption of my special interests too, and I am always pursuing my special interests, so I hate any interaction with anyone at any time. Eberry few hours, I stop on my own to take care of other annoying things that need to be taken care of, like eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, and my least favorite, sleeping.



vanhalenkurtz
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17 Jun 2012, 9:51 pm

Atomsk wrote:
Gimbles.


Cool.


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2wheels4ever
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18 Jun 2012, 12:21 am

If it were only that easy to do what my autie half-brother does and tell them "don't say my name"

Interruptions are EXTREMELY aggravating, however I find it easier to deal with when it's taking a call from a client. To limit my family annoyances I've started trying to get them 'dumb and happy' 5-10 minutes before I want to settle in with an interest; feed the cat, pour the drinks, dump the trash, anything to prevent unnecessary buzzkill


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Atomsk
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18 Jun 2012, 12:30 am

vanhalenkurtz wrote:
Atomsk wrote:
Gimbles.


Cool.


It came to me in a dream the day after I got it - I dreamt that someone knocked it over, and then I exclaimed "what did you do to gimbles?!" Then I woke up, and thought "why did I call it Gimbles?" From then on I just called it Gimbles though, just because it seemed hilarious and cool that that happened in a dream - that I just randomly called my new bass some gibberish nonsense name.



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18 Jun 2012, 8:53 am

I have gotten in trouble at work for bringing my knitting. One of these days I'm probably going to get fired. But I can't do it at home because I have a 3 year old and a 48 year old who will stop at nothing to deprive me of every second of my time away from work, or else put a guilt trip on me. My DH feels obliged to point out that he's spent the lion's share of time raising our DS. But that's because I'm the only one, fragile reed though I am, who can hold down a steady job. I'd have been more than happy to stay home, but if I had, we'd have no home to stay in.



ToughDiamond
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18 Jun 2012, 10:47 am

Isn't it more a case of other people causing problems with your special interests?

I suppose you could try to negotiate, compromise, agree terms and conditions. Or just render the interruption impossible during critical times.

I'm not so bad at being interrupted these days. But I don't want to be at anybody's beck and call. My job is to politely ask them to bear with me, theirs is to respect my hyperfocus. It's said to be polite to offer to listen to them in x minutes, or hours. It's hard to do that at first because of the stress and the multi-tasking nature of the thing, but with a bit of practice it's possible to reel off the correct stock phrase. Nobody has a right to your undivided attention at all times, though small children and caring partners come pretty close.........anybody else with such an expectation is doing a power move on you. Common in bosses. You can have good fun with that if you aren't scared of losing your job. :P



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18 Jun 2012, 11:12 am

Yes, but I have finally realized that it is 100% me. I didn't even know WHY I would get SO frustrated when interrupted till I started reading about AS, I just know that I did. Right now it materializes in me ignoring my spouse and blowing up at my kids when I'm interrupted. Only it doesn't make sense because 99% of the time, I'm obsessed with something FOR the kids. Like right now I'm doing a cool sewing project and making my daughters clothes for Kindergarten. Prior to that I was making scented playdough for her because she clearly has some sensory issues. But when they interrupted me, I would explode. And after a few minutes I would feel terrible because... wasn't I making it for them anyway? So if they interrupt and want my attention, what is it really? And extra few minutes tacked on to complete the task? I can see that in my brain LATER but when I'm interrupted I just get ticked off....

Anyway this is what has finally prompted me to pay more attention to and explore my behavior....



Alfonso12345
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18 Jun 2012, 1:15 pm

I also hate it when I am interrupted. I do swear a lot, but I try to keep it quiet so only I hear it. But when I am interrupted, it does not matter the reason, I get really angry and can't calm down until I am involved with my interest again. Luckily for me, all of my interests have been ones that allow me to go right back to what I was doing before being interrupted. Does this depend on what the interest is? Maybe.

Sometimes my special interests cause problems if I am trying to do something completely unrelated, because I need to and I am not able to focus on my special interest for a while, I get constantly distracted.



Alfonso12345
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18 Jun 2012, 1:18 pm

CWA wrote:
Yes, but I have finally realized that it is 100% me. I didn't even know WHY I would get SO frustrated when interrupted till I started reading about AS, I just know that I did. Right now it materializes in me ignoring my spouse and blowing up at my kids when I'm interrupted. Only it doesn't make sense because 99% of the time, I'm obsessed with something FOR the kids. Like right now I'm doing a cool sewing project and making my daughters clothes for Kindergarten. Prior to that I was making scented playdough for her because she clearly has some sensory issues. But when they interrupted me, I would explode. And after a few minutes I would feel terrible because... wasn't I making it for them anyway? So if they interrupt and want my attention, what is it really? And extra few minutes tacked on to complete the task? I can see that in my brain LATER but when I'm interrupted I just get ticked off....


This right here is the exact reason I don't plan on having kids or be in a long term relationship with anyone. If I live alone, far away from people who might bother me, I wouldn't ever have interruptions. I somehow manage to keep all of my anger inside when I get interrupted, but hiding it is not easy at all.



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18 Jun 2012, 6:45 pm

Alfonso12345 wrote:
This right here is the exact reason I don't plan on having kids or be in a long term relationship with anyone. If I live alone, far away from people who might bother me, I wouldn't ever have interruptions. I somehow manage to keep all of my anger inside when I get interrupted, but hiding it is not easy at all.


I have similar feelings about having kids or a relationship - I view them as things that would destroy my life because I would lose a lot of the free time I spend on music. I'd be a horrible parent because I'd spend a lot of time away from any children I had.



Atomsk
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19 Jun 2012, 5:43 am

Alfonso12345 wrote:
I also hate it when I am interrupted. I do swear a lot, but I try to keep it quiet so only I hear it. But when I am interrupted, it does not matter the reason, I get really angry and can't calm down until I am involved with my interest again. Luckily for me, all of my interests have been ones that allow me to go right back to what I was doing before being interrupted. Does this depend on what the interest is? Maybe.

Sometimes my special interests cause problems if I am trying to do something completely unrelated, because I need to and I am not able to focus on my special interest for a while, I get constantly distracted.


I think it definitely depends on the interest - with my language interest, I did not care so much when I was interrupted. But with the music one, I care a great deal, because often when I am interrupted my works of art are -entirely destroyed and forgotten for all time-, never to be heard again or remembered, even by their creator.

I also get very distracted when I'm not doing something that has to do with music - often I neglect housework because I keep getting into music stuff, like if I go into my room for some reason (FILLED with instruments), or walk past an instrument and want to pick it up and play, or if I go to the computer for a moment, then spend hours reading about music or comparing musical items I want to get or whatever.



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19 Jun 2012, 6:15 am

Atomsk wrote:
This thread is about special interests causing problems in your life.

One problem I have is how I react when I'm disturbed while doing special interest stuff.


I could have written much of your post very similarly. I do many of the things you describe when interrupted. I especially hate when people knock on my door instead of just calling my name.