Aspergers as an excuse?
No worries, I just had to correct it quickly to avoid a potential s**tstorm coming my way.
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AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200
Sometimes it can look like we are using it as an excuse but we are not. We are just trying to explain to them why something is hard for us or why we are acting a certain way or why we said the wrong thing. I admit it does look that way so I avoid saying I have it.
Great explanation, I agree. I often wonder whether I would have been as high-functioning as I am if my parents had known (and cared) that I was an aspie. They didn't know and I didn't know until recently, so I just pushed through, learnt, adjusted, adapted, improvised, whatever... to the point that I was highly sceptical that I actually have AS when that idea was put to me.
Now that I've accepted I have AS I'm a bit more forgiving of myself, but also acutely aware that there's a fine line between that and using it as an excuse. I would hate to hear myself say "oh well, that's it, I'm autistic now, I don't have to achieve anything anymore". I make an active effort to find the right balance between self-criticism and making excuses.
Yes, I think that's part of the general tendency of NTs to "read between the lines" - they often read something that isn't there.
I read in forums for autism where parents wanted their child to receive a diagnosis of Aspergers, even if the child have had assessments and the parents were being told that it did not have Aspergers.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.
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English is not my native language, so I will very likely do mistakes in writing or understanding. My edits are due to corrections of mistakes, which I sometimes recognize just after submitting a text.
I don't use my Asperger's as an excuse, but it pisses me off because at my special needs college, the staff use it as an excuse.
Like, a guy with mild Asperger's pushed a member of staff up against the wall and hit her, and he was allowed to stay in college with no consequence because the mentoring staff covered him and said "ohh he can't help it, it's his disability". Disability or not, the whole point of the college is to learn life skills, what's going to happen when he starts beating up people outside of college? You know.
And once this girl started bullying me and screaming at me every day for 2 weeks. Apparently though I should put up with abuse because it's not her fault, it's her disability.
Drives me insane.
I don't use it as an excuse and I worry too much that I come off as if I do (even to the point of refusing accommodations and having difficulty telling others in fear that it comes off as such), instead if I do tell people it's either relevant to the discussion (usually about how I feel how someone failed me in some way, typically the school) or because I trust them enough to tell them.
I however have seen individuals who blame everything on it and tack no responsibility to themselves. I mean, for me, when I got my diagnosis the most difficult thing was accepting the fact that I couldn't take full responsibility and I did have something holding me back but at the same time I wasn't just going to say that it's 0% responsibility for me because OH NO I'M AWTISTIC. It really annoys me when people do that because I know that while there are others that find it difficult to repress their emotions, some of it is just people being people, and tacking your mistakes just on your autism doesn't do anything to help or rectify the situation, but just makes you some sort of victim.
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IQ:134
AspieQuiz Score: 159
AQ: 43
"Don't be That One Aspie..."
Sometimes I almost try harder in some areas of my life such as finishing my online master's degree. Since I have found out I may have ASD I want to try even more to prove myself to show that even though I may not be a perfect person and what everyone thinks I should be, etc. I can still achieve and reach goals I have set for myself.
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure."
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.
Wow, so parents do fake their kids problems and lie to the doctors just so they get a false diagnoses? Scary stuff. I have heard of these things and it's so true, not ASSumptions.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnch ... e_by_proxy
It is indeed a real and scary thing.
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AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.
Why on earth would anyone want their child to have a label of Aspergers? Ok, some children do have issues and the parents need a label for these issues, which is fair enough.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.
Wow, so parents do fake their kids problems and lie to the doctors just so they get a false diagnoses? Scary stuff. I have heard of these things and it's so true, not ASSumptions.
I wouldn't necessarily assume it's false. If someone asked me "what traits do you have that make you an Aspie" I'd struggle to answer, yet when I see other people posting about theirs I'll say "oh yeah, I'm like that". So it could just be parents sharing what behaviour is relevant without which the less experienced parents might never think to mention something to a psychologist. After all, if you only have one or two kids, how do you know what's normal and what's potentially AS? My parents sure didn't and neither did I.
I've only recently (in the last year) found out that I may have aspergers and I'm in my teenage years. Being honest, it is quite diffcult sometimes not to use it as an excuse, I nearly changed my entire career path because of it. I always wanted to be a journalist or a teacher and once I mentioned it to my career guidance teacher she was asking if I could handle the social side of it etc. I've only recently realised that before I'm about to do something challenging I would go on "Wrong Planet" and talk myself out of it. I'm changing this now because I'm aware of it, it's just the problem is when you don't know that you're using it as an excuse.
I also have dyspraxia (confirmed) and my parents never accepted it when I used it as an excuse not to do something. This probably helped me in the long run. I did get frustrated though because things were very difficult for me to do. I couldn't tie up my hair properly until I was fifteen years old.
People labeling you can be very damaging, that's why my parents didn't tell me that I had dyspraxia until I was eleven years old. As another poster mentioned, sometimes people use disabilites as an excuse because people have been telling them that they can't do things. My parents withheld information about what professionals had said about my future, they said that I would never do well in my state exams not because I wasn't smart, but because of the pressure. They told them that I would never catch a basketball or be able to attend a public school. Imagine if they had told me this information? I would never have tried to do anything...I would have essentially used my disability as an excuse not to try to change. I just graduated from a public secondary school, played sports for years, and did very well in my state exams.
This was just my example of why sometimes people use disability as an excuse. I know that some people genuinely can't do some things because of disability. I'm just against people that use it to define them.
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,461
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
I'm actually the opposite to this. I hate to tell anyone about my diagnosis and I try to hide it from people as much as I can. If I do behave inappropriately, I never say, ''sorry, I've just got Asperger's, you can't stop me from being like this''. I usually just feel ashamed of myself for doing it and try not to do it again.
I tend to make other excuses for bad behaviour though, like if I was being argumentative to my mum. I say things like ''sorry, it's just I'm having a bad day'' or, ''sorry, it's just that I woke up with a bad headache that is making me feel irritable'' - even though I don't have a headache at all.
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Female
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnch ... e_by_proxy
It is indeed a real and scary thing.
I hope to god they don't tell their kids they have something they don't even have. I know I would be pissed if I grew up thinking I had something wrong with me and then it turns out I was normal all along and I never had anything wrong with me and my mother had lied to me about having a disability and other stuff. I would wonder if I was just lazy and stupid all along and quirky and my parents needed a label so my life be easier in school because they couldn't accept their own daughter was "lazy" and "stupid" and different and a "brat" and had "psychopathic tenancies." Even people who were victim of parents who had it have admitted they are messed up because of it.
So they have an excuse for their kids behavior and have a get out of free jail card for them so they don't look like bad parents?
So their kid can actually get help in school and services that autistic kids get that others can't get without the autism label?
I have read an article online from Australia about doctors purposely mislabeling kids with autism so they get the help they need. I can't really blame and doctors and parents for it because the system needs to be changed so all kids with problems get help no matter what problems they have so no mislabeling would have to happen. But I hope to god the parents don't tell their kids they are autistic because then it be a lie. I also hope they don't go around telling others their kids have autism they don't even have.
Someone on here said not too long ago (I don't know if it was true or hearsay) but she said that some doctors will purposely misdiagnose AS in psychopaths because it is such a horrible thing to have and AS is better so they diagnose them with AS instead. Also scary stuff.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
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