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Blownmind
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10 Jul 2012, 7:40 am

hanyo wrote:
I didn't mean you said that. I probably should have quoted more.

No worries, I just had to correct it quickly to avoid a potential s**tstorm coming my way. :D


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10 Jul 2012, 11:15 am

League_Girl wrote:
I do believe some do use it as an excuse. I can always tell by posts by what they say about it. I also think some do learn to use it as an excuse because imagine being a child and got diagnosed with it. Your parents and teachers keep limiting you what you can do and they let the label define you and say you can't do this or that or you are unable to learn this or that and they don't even bother to try and teach you skills. So you grow up believing it's okay to be that way and you don't have to change or work at it and you don't have to try because you have AS so you don't end up being successful or independent and you think you can't do it because you have AS. If you treat a child like they are disabled, they will act like it. If you treat a child like the aspie label, they act more aspie. Not really the person's fault they are using it as an excuse because they had been taught and they probably don't even know they are doing it because they have been brainwashed over the years. They do truly think they can't do it and truly think they are unable to learn. I have noticed with older aspies they were able to make it through life but they struggled and had to work harder to get there because they never had a label for it so they couldn't use it as an excuse. I notice real aspies do actually try. No doubt some real ones do use theirs as an excuse. I think it's more common in teens and young adults. I also think some older ones may too because they take it too literal. They think "oh I have this condition, I don't have to do this or that anymore because I have Asperger's" so they act worse. I thought the same thing too in high school. Having AS does not mean be more aspie. Even my own mother says I took it too literal and they had to redirect me and it was very hard for them to do that. Plus the problem was also my school counselor and he was enabling it and I was believing him. It took my shrink to help them figure out what was going on.

Sometimes it can look like we are using it as an excuse but we are not. We are just trying to explain to them why something is hard for us or why we are acting a certain way or why we said the wrong thing. I admit it does look that way so I avoid saying I have it.


Great explanation, I agree. I often wonder whether I would have been as high-functioning as I am if my parents had known (and cared) that I was an aspie. They didn't know and I didn't know until recently, so I just pushed through, learnt, adjusted, adapted, improvised, whatever... to the point that I was highly sceptical that I actually have AS when that idea was put to me.

Now that I've accepted I have AS I'm a bit more forgiving of myself, but also acutely aware that there's a fine line between that and using it as an excuse. I would hate to hear myself say "oh well, that's it, I'm autistic now, I don't have to achieve anything anymore". I make an active effort to find the right balance between self-criticism and making excuses.

hanyo wrote:
In my experience in real life I've run into people that will call any explanation of why you won't do what they think you should do or want you to do an excuse.


Yes, I think that's part of the general tendency of NTs to "read between the lines" - they often read something that isn't there.



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10 Jul 2012, 6:12 pm

I read in forums for autism where parents wanted their child to receive a diagnosis of Aspergers, even if the child have had assessments and the parents were being told that it did not have Aspergers.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.


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10 Jul 2012, 6:29 pm

I don't use my Asperger's as an excuse, but it pisses me off because at my special needs college, the staff use it as an excuse.
Like, a guy with mild Asperger's pushed a member of staff up against the wall and hit her, and he was allowed to stay in college with no consequence because the mentoring staff covered him and said "ohh he can't help it, it's his disability". Disability or not, the whole point of the college is to learn life skills, what's going to happen when he starts beating up people outside of college? You know.
And once this girl started bullying me and screaming at me every day for 2 weeks. Apparently though I should put up with abuse because it's not her fault, it's her disability. :roll:
Drives me insane.



corvuscorax
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10 Jul 2012, 8:07 pm

I don't use it as an excuse and I worry too much that I come off as if I do (even to the point of refusing accommodations and having difficulty telling others in fear that it comes off as such), instead if I do tell people it's either relevant to the discussion (usually about how I feel how someone failed me in some way, typically the school) or because I trust them enough to tell them.

I however have seen individuals who blame everything on it and tack no responsibility to themselves. I mean, for me, when I got my diagnosis the most difficult thing was accepting the fact that I couldn't take full responsibility and I did have something holding me back but at the same time I wasn't just going to say that it's 0% responsibility for me because OH NO I'M AWTISTIC. It really annoys me when people do that because I know that while there are others that find it difficult to repress their emotions, some of it is just people being people, and tacking your mistakes just on your autism doesn't do anything to help or rectify the situation, but just makes you some sort of victim.


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10 Jul 2012, 8:12 pm

Sometimes I almost try harder in some areas of my life such as finishing my online master's degree. Since I have found out I may have ASD I want to try even more to prove myself to show that even though I may not be a perfect person and what everyone thinks I should be, etc. I can still achieve and reach goals I have set for myself.


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11 Jul 2012, 12:47 am

Quinntilda wrote:
It shouldn't be used as an excuse.


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11 Jul 2012, 1:53 am

Eloa wrote:
I read in forums for autism where parents wanted their child to receive a diagnosis of Aspergers, even if the child have had assessments and the parents were being told that it did not have Aspergers.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.



Wow, so parents do fake their kids problems and lie to the doctors just so they get a false diagnoses? Scary stuff. I have heard of these things and it's so true, not ASSumptions.


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11 Jul 2012, 1:59 am

League_Girl wrote:
Eloa wrote:
I read in forums for autism where parents wanted their child to receive a diagnosis of Aspergers, even if the child have had assessments and the parents were being told that it did not have Aspergers.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.
Wow, so parents do fake their kids problems and lie to the doctors just so they get a false diagnoses? Scary stuff. I have heard of these things and it's so true, not ASSumptions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnch ... e_by_proxy
Quote:
a behavior pattern in which a caregiver deliberately exaggerates, fabricates, and/or induces physical, psychological, behavioral, and/or mental health problems in those who are in their care, to fulfill their need for positive attention.


It is indeed a real and scary thing.


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11 Jul 2012, 4:38 am

Eloa wrote:
I read in forums for autism where parents wanted their child to receive a diagnosis of Aspergers, even if the child have had assessments and the parents were being told that it did not have Aspergers.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.


Why on earth would anyone want their child to have a label of Aspergers? Ok, some children do have issues and the parents need a label for these issues, which is fair enough.



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11 Jul 2012, 7:01 am

League_Girl wrote:
Eloa wrote:
I read in forums for autism where parents wanted their child to receive a diagnosis of Aspergers, even if the child have had assessments and the parents were being told that it did not have Aspergers.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.



Wow, so parents do fake their kids problems and lie to the doctors just so they get a false diagnoses? Scary stuff. I have heard of these things and it's so true, not ASSumptions.


I wouldn't necessarily assume it's false. If someone asked me "what traits do you have that make you an Aspie" I'd struggle to answer, yet when I see other people posting about theirs I'll say "oh yeah, I'm like that". So it could just be parents sharing what behaviour is relevant without which the less experienced parents might never think to mention something to a psychologist. After all, if you only have one or two kids, how do you know what's normal and what's potentially AS? My parents sure didn't and neither did I.



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11 Jul 2012, 7:12 am

Being diagnosed with aspergers is the perfect excuse for experiencing signs of and displaying symptoms of aspergers. :wink:


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11 Jul 2012, 7:36 am

I've only recently (in the last year) found out that I may have aspergers and I'm in my teenage years. Being honest, it is quite diffcult sometimes not to use it as an excuse, I nearly changed my entire career path because of it. I always wanted to be a journalist or a teacher and once I mentioned it to my career guidance teacher she was asking if I could handle the social side of it etc. I've only recently realised that before I'm about to do something challenging I would go on "Wrong Planet" and talk myself out of it. I'm changing this now because I'm aware of it, it's just the problem is when you don't know that you're using it as an excuse.

I also have dyspraxia (confirmed) and my parents never accepted it when I used it as an excuse not to do something. This probably helped me in the long run. I did get frustrated though because things were very difficult for me to do. I couldn't tie up my hair properly until I was fifteen years old.

People labeling you can be very damaging, that's why my parents didn't tell me that I had dyspraxia until I was eleven years old. As another poster mentioned, sometimes people use disabilites as an excuse because people have been telling them that they can't do things. My parents withheld information about what professionals had said about my future, they said that I would never do well in my state exams not because I wasn't smart, but because of the pressure. They told them that I would never catch a basketball or be able to attend a public school. Imagine if they had told me this information? I would never have tried to do anything...I would have essentially used my disability as an excuse not to try to change. I just graduated from a public secondary school, played sports for years, and did very well in my state exams.

This was just my example of why sometimes people use disability as an excuse. I know that some people genuinely can't do some things because of disability. I'm just against people that use it to define them.



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11 Jul 2012, 9:22 am

Sharkgirl wrote:
Being diagnosed with aspergers is the perfect excuse for experiencing signs of and displaying symptoms of aspergers. :wink:


indeed.


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11 Jul 2012, 11:44 am

I'm actually the opposite to this. I hate to tell anyone about my diagnosis and I try to hide it from people as much as I can. If I do behave inappropriately, I never say, ''sorry, I've just got Asperger's, you can't stop me from being like this''. I usually just feel ashamed of myself for doing it and try not to do it again.

I tend to make other excuses for bad behaviour though, like if I was being argumentative to my mum. I say things like ''sorry, it's just I'm having a bad day'' or, ''sorry, it's just that I woke up with a bad headache that is making me feel irritable'' - even though I don't have a headache at all.


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11 Jul 2012, 1:06 pm

Blownmind wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Eloa wrote:
I read in forums for autism where parents wanted their child to receive a diagnosis of Aspergers, even if the child have had assessments and the parents were being told that it did not have Aspergers.
They were exchanging information about what to tell the psychiatrist about a child's behaviour to receive a diagnosis.
One time a pychologist offered to write a psychological observation for a child she only knew the mother from via the forum.
Wow, so parents do fake their kids problems and lie to the doctors just so they get a false diagnoses? Scary stuff. I have heard of these things and it's so true, not ASSumptions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnch ... e_by_proxy
Quote:
a behavior pattern in which a caregiver deliberately exaggerates, fabricates, and/or induces physical, psychological, behavioral, and/or mental health problems in those who are in their care, to fulfill their need for positive attention.


It is indeed a real and scary thing.



I hope to god they don't tell their kids they have something they don't even have. I know I would be pissed if I grew up thinking I had something wrong with me and then it turns out I was normal all along and I never had anything wrong with me and my mother had lied to me about having a disability and other stuff. I would wonder if I was just lazy and stupid all along and quirky and my parents needed a label so my life be easier in school because they couldn't accept their own daughter was "lazy" and "stupid" and different and a "brat" and had "psychopathic tenancies." Even people who were victim of parents who had it have admitted they are messed up because of it.


Quote:
Why on earth would anyone want their child to have a label of Aspergers? Ok, some children do have issues and the parents need a label for these issues, which is fair enough.



So they have an excuse for their kids behavior and have a get out of free jail card for them so they don't look like bad parents?

So their kid can actually get help in school and services that autistic kids get that others can't get without the autism label?

I have read an article online from Australia about doctors purposely mislabeling kids with autism so they get the help they need. I can't really blame and doctors and parents for it because the system needs to be changed so all kids with problems get help no matter what problems they have so no mislabeling would have to happen. But I hope to god the parents don't tell their kids they are autistic because then it be a lie. I also hope they don't go around telling others their kids have autism they don't even have.


Someone on here said not too long ago (I don't know if it was true or hearsay) but she said that some doctors will purposely misdiagnose AS in psychopaths because it is such a horrible thing to have and AS is better so they diagnose them with AS instead. Also scary stuff.


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