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cavendish
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20 Jun 2012, 4:17 pm

I am sure that many people here are dealing with serious issues. The problem I see, however, is when they take a severe case, for instance, those 40% of autistics who can't read and write, and use the very understandable public sympathy generated to go out, and then tell the world that one in eighty eight children in America falls under the autistic diagnosis as well. There are the real true, legitimate cases, and then there are all the rest, who should be placed into an entirely different category.


League_Girl wrote:
I do believe some do use it as an excuse. I can always tell by posts by what they say about it. I also think some do learn to use it as an excuse because imagine being a child and got diagnosed with it. Your parents and teachers keep limiting you what you can do and they let the label define you and say you can't do this or that or you are unable to learn this or that and they don't even bother to try and teach you skills. So you grow up believing it's okay to be that way and you don't have to change or work at it and you don't have to try because you have AS so you don't end up being successful or independent and you think you can't do it because you have AS. If you treat a child like they are disabled, they will act like it. If you treat a child like the aspie label, they act more aspie. Not really the person's fault they are using it as an excuse because they had been taught and they probably don't even know they are doing it because they have been brainwashed over the years. They do truly think they can't do it and truly think they are unable to learn. I have noticed with older aspies they were able to make it through life but they struggled and had to work harder to get there because they never had a label for it so they couldn't use it as an excuse. I notice real aspies do actually try. No doubt some real ones do use theirs as an excuse. I think it's more common in teens and young adults. I also think some older ones may too because they take it too literal. They think "oh I have this condition, I don't have to do this or that anymore because I have Asperger's" so they act worse. I thought the same thing too in high school. Having AS does not mean be more aspie. Even my own mother says I took it too literal and they had to redirect me and it was very hard for them to do that. Plus the problem was also my school counselor and he was enabling it and I was believing him. It took my shrink to help them figure out what was going on.

Sometimes it can look like we are using it as an excuse but we are not. We are just trying to explain to them why something is hard for us or why we are acting a certain way or why we said the wrong thing. I admit it does look that way so I avoid saying I have it.



ozman
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20 Jun 2012, 9:25 pm

My aspergers is the reason, not really an excuse that my marriage is in peril...I need to accept the impact it has had and make changes for me, other AS will continue to impact on me in the futue. I have told some other people, but only those who could understand what it is and the impact it has had on my family. to be honest some of my family don't even get it.



Kinme
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20 Jun 2012, 9:46 pm

The only time I ever do is to explain that I have issues with tone of voice. I hurt someone's feelings unintentionally and explained that I have trouble with controlling my tone when speaking. Not that they understood, but I still TRIED telling them that I wasn't upset.



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20 Jun 2012, 11:16 pm

LeeTimmer wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
sometimes people think if someone isn't willing to try and become more neurotypical they are using it for an excuse. Which I tend to disagree with since its probably not possible to function like a neurotypical if you're not one, though it is certainly not an excuse not to try in life....but it is kind of silly to expect one to reject everything about themselves all in the name of becoming what others want them to.


Yeah, the "pretending to be normal" wears me out.


not only does it wear me out, but I kind of fail at it...so it's sort of pointless anyways.


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N33D2focus2
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21 Jun 2012, 10:39 am

I am disappointed that people, NTs, would tell someone that Aspergers is an excuse. Having said this, I'm among those who have been ignorant about high functioning autism and the spectrum. But I would not even consider thinking Aspergers as an "excuse".
I agree, with individual situations, struggles, and just plain life, there are indeed "reasons".

In my case with recently diagnosed ADD, I have been reluctant to even tell people about my diagnosis. I've considered that this is the type of response I would get. I've already been told by the father of a young hyperactive ADDer that "everyone thinks they have ADD". He was the first stranger (in a casual social group) I told that I had ADD.

I think the public could use some curiosity of their own to get out or on reliable channels and "become informed".


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Quinntilda
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21 Jun 2012, 11:22 am

It shouldn't be used as an excuse.



Ashariel
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21 Jun 2012, 11:41 am

I think everyone - AS and NT alike - has a responsibility to behave appropriately and treat other people with respect, to the absolute best of their ability.

But in the case of accidental rudeness, AS does help me to forgive myself, quickly apologize for my mistake, and in some cases offer an explanation as to why I'm prone to social misunderstandings.

Though I do use it as an 'excuse' to be different, in terms of dressing in a way that's comfortable for me, choosing activities that are meaningful to me, and having a different approach to socializing, than what most people consider 'normal'. If someone pushes me to do something that would make me feel really uncomfortable (but it's 'fun' to them) - I have no problem using Asperger's as an excuse for why I don't want to do that.



ooo
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10 Jul 2012, 4:05 am

Blownmind wrote:
twich wrote:
I don't say "Well, I have asperger's so I don't care" I take full responsibility for my actions, but some people still think I'm trying to get out of taking responsibility for my actions.
(...)
ANYWAY, yes, if you're using it to get out of taking responsibility for bad behaviour, stop it. You're just adding to the stereotype and making it harder for us all.

Spot on! :D Thanks for writing my exact thoughts.

Taking responsibility, even if the act may have been related to Aspergers, is important.


Exactly. I've gotten a bad taste from some even here who don't take responsibility for their own lives, blaming asperger's/etc. for their actions.

The subheading "online resource and community" at the top should be changed to:

"Taking responsibility, even if the act may have been related to Aspergers, is important."



Wandering_Stranger
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10 Jul 2012, 7:05 am

Apparently, some parents use it as an excuse to allow their children to behave badly. :x The person who said that, I ended up giving her a bit of a telling off.

Whilst my Autism may explain why I act the way I do, I don't use it as an excuse. I wouldn't use it as an excuse to get away with something either.



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10 Jul 2012, 7:20 am

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
Apparently, some parents use it as an excuse to allow their children to behave badly. :x The person who said that, I ended up giving her a bit of a telling off.

Whilst my Autism may explain why I act the way I do, I don't use it as an excuse. I wouldn't use it as an excuse to get away with something either.


Well define bad behavior, it varies...maybe what one person sees as 'bad' behavior is simply different behavior. In my opinion the only behavior that is bad is intentionally trying to cause physical and or psychological damage to others and I suppose breaking or stealing things of that persons.

As for the whole excuse for behavior thing....I think it gets rather complicated. I mean on one hand autism does not make one immune to doing bad things nor is it an excuse to do so. But I know mental disorders including autism can influence behavior quite a lot. For instance if someone with autism has a meltdown they might not be in full control of their actions in which case it would be the disorder causing the 'bad' behavior. Same with the negative outlook that comes with depression, typically the individual is not intentionally only looking for the negatives, its they literally cannot see the positives even if they do make their best effort. But that is not using mental illness as an excuse that is more of an explanation.

I mean the whole point of mental disorders is they effect your thinking and behavior, then you have people going on about how even so much as a description of how a certain mental issue interferes with someones functioning is some excuse.......its like these people are so brain dead they forget the part about 'effects thinking and behavior.' I mean no matter how much you explain it to people like that its like they cannot get it through their thick skull that no you can't just turn it off at will and act normal and/or stay calm in every situation. Sorry for the rant but a lot of my family is like that and it angers me...I mean I almost yelled and my grandma over it, almost punched my dad in the face because he decided to say ignorant things after I had been set off by something(he was drunk and tends to get a little bit too sure of himself if that makes any sense) and my dads the understanding parent :lol: anyways I wont derail this any further with my ramblings.


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CyborgUprising
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10 Jul 2012, 7:25 am

I have never used it as an excuse for anything. The fact that I don't tell people about it and remaining anonymous if I do talk about it further supports this fact. I am odd/quirky; I know it and everyone else knows it, but I don't go around blaming the Asperger's. People think we make excuses for odd behavior/inappropriate conduct by blaming it on some condition, but those people tend to be mainly composed of trolls, those who dislike people with certain conditions and ignorant, uninformed individuals.



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10 Jul 2012, 7:29 am

Blownmind wrote:
Aspergers is just an excuse for your weird behaviour


That is because some people don't believe in mental illnesses or disorders or take them seriously.

They wouldn't tell a person in a wheelchair that they are using being paralyzed as an excuse to not walk up the stairs.



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10 Jul 2012, 7:35 am

hanyo wrote:
Blownmind wrote:
Aspergers is just an excuse for your weird behaviour


That is because some people don't believe in mental illnesses or disorders or take them seriously.

They wouldn't tell a person in a wheelchair that they are using being paralyzed as an excuse to not walk up the stairs.

:lol: quote out of context much? :D

This is the true quote
Blownmind wrote:
But I still bump into people online who constantly says Aspergers is just an excuse for your weird behaviour.


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10 Jul 2012, 7:38 am

ooo wrote:
Blownmind wrote:
Taking responsibility, even if the act may have been related to Aspergers, is important.

Exactly. I've gotten a bad taste from some even here who don't take responsibility for their own lives, blaming asperger's/etc. for their actions.

The subheading "online resource and community" at the top should be changed to:

"Taking responsibility, even if the act may have been related to Aspergers, is important."

Hehe, thanks


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10 Jul 2012, 7:39 am

I didn't mean you said that. I probably should have quoted more.

In my experience in real life I've run into people that will call any explanation of why you won't do what they think you should do or want you to do an excuse.



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10 Jul 2012, 7:40 am

hanyo wrote:
I didn't mean you said that. I probably should have quoted more.

No worries, I just had to correct it quickly to avoid a potential s**tstorm coming my way. :D


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