Getting nowhere on OkCupid...help!

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runfromcheney
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24 Jun 2012, 8:49 pm

To say that I am having a tough time cracking the shell that is dating would be an understatement. I haven't gone on a single date in my life, as I just was unable to meet anyone thoughout high school. So I decided to turn to online dating. No more success. I have been on OkCupid since late 2011, and I have not gotten a single message, and every message I have sent to any girl has not elicited a response. (Some have viewed my profile after I messaged them, which makes me think that something on my profile turned them off.) I just have no real idea how this online dating business works, and I wonder what I am doing wrong.

My profile is http://www.okcupid.com/profile/runfromcheney.



DogsWithoutHorses
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24 Jun 2012, 9:19 pm

runfromcheney wrote:
To say that I am having a tough time cracking the shell that is dating would be an understatement. I haven't gone on a single date in my life, as I just was unable to meet anyone thoughout high school. So I decided to turn to online dating. No more success. I have been on OkCupid since late 2011, and I have not gotten a single message, and every message I have sent to any girl has not elicited a response. (Some have viewed my profile after I messaged them, which makes me think that something on my profile turned them off.) I just have no real idea how this online dating business works, and I wonder what I am doing wrong.

My profile is http://www.okcupid.com/profile/runfromcheney.


Are you interested in advice on how to improve just your profile or your overall success rate? If the latter, it would help if you posted some sample messages you sent out because those can be a big stumbling block.


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1000Knives
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Stargazer43
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24 Jun 2012, 9:30 pm

Your profile looks fine, but it's pretty long. I'd try to trim it up a good bit, and maybe take out the part about video games (most girls aren't exactly attracted to gamers lol). Also you don't look very happy in your pictures, I'd suggest maybe trying to get some of you smiling or engaged in some sort of fun activity.



DogsWithoutHorses
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24 Jun 2012, 9:51 pm

-I would make this profile shorter and punch it up, try to be succinct more then descriptive, leave room for people to ask questions
-I would have pictures taken in which you have a different facial expression, I think your last one is the best. (but it's not the most flattering angle)
Also try if you can taking some higher quality photos, they tend on average to make people look better (okc mined their data for this info)
- Change your private thing answer because it's standard issue, you're a unique individual, highlight that at every opportunity
-love your facts!, the guy I'm dating now had a similar thing (presented some really cool trivia) on his profile and it was a major draw

Your picture I think are the most urgent of these concerns. I think the lack of expression and iffy lighting isn't helping you lead with your best foot forward.

best of luck, online dating varies a lot by demographic and locale so don't take a lack of response as a personal indictment
you also have a lot of things women (and I'd argue most people) on okc generically (so not all individuals) like to see, 6ft tall (if that's honest and not being generous, only criteria here I think is a gender specific preference, you aren't religious or militantly atheist, you're employed (at a job you like too, life satisfaction is hugely attractive), you're going to school, and you write in complete sentences. Those are all awesome.


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yellowtamarin
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24 Jun 2012, 9:58 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
-I would make this profile shorter and punch it up, try to be succinct more then descriptive, leave room for people to ask questions
-I would have pictures taken in which you have a different facial expression, I think your last one is the best. (but it's not the most flattering angle)
Also try if you can taking some higher quality photos, they tend on average to make people look better (okc mined their data for this info)
- Change your private thing answer because it's standard issue, you're a unique individual, highlight that at every opportunity
-love your facts!, the guy I'm dating now had a similar thing (presented some really cool trivia) on his profile and it was a major draw

Your picture I think are the most urgent of these concerns. I think the lack of expression and iffy lighting isn't helping you lead with your best foot forward.

IMO this is all very good advice, basically exactly what I would have said. I'm probably just being picky now because I feel I should try to add something, but you basically open your description by declaring that you are obsessed with something that most chicks aren't into (I'm exaggerating and generalising obviously, but that's the vibe that it gives off, to me). I have no issue with you mentioning your passion for cars, but I'd either tone it down, or put it further down the page.



Last edited by yellowtamarin on 24 Jun 2012, 9:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

again_with_this
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24 Jun 2012, 9:58 pm

The next time you take a photo that you want to post on OKCupid, remember to say "cheese."



runfromcheney
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24 Jun 2012, 11:08 pm

Ok, I uploaded some new photos with better lighting and more positive facial expressions, I cut out some details from my profile, and changed the order by which they appear as well, so my paragraph about me being into cars and loving my job as an auto tech aren't right at the top.



DogsWithoutHorses
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24 Jun 2012, 11:16 pm

runfromcheney wrote:
Ok, I uploaded some new photos with better lighting and more positive facial expressions, I cut out some details from my profile, and changed the order by which they appear as well, so my paragraph about me being into cars and loving my job as an auto tech aren't right at the top.


Wow, what a world of difference! I like the peace sign one best I think, Maybe do a mybestface check on the pictures?

The edits to about me were also imo good choices.

It's good to frequently make edits/additions to your page, 1.) it keeps your profile fresh and dynamic a "living document" 2.) it will drive traffic to your profile because you'll show up in recent activity (this is also why it's good to answer questions with explanations)


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Monkeybuttorama
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24 Jun 2012, 11:21 pm

I don't know anything much about dating sites, just have one question.. Who is LBJ?

To me that's my fish's name from when I was a kid (it was a bass minnow, I named him Jupiter, my mom added "lemon and butter" and he was from then on "LBJ - Lemon and butter Jupiter")

Just thought that might need some clarification ^_^

(one thing I did notice is in the bit about cars, you might want to rephrase your current ranking from "low man on the totem pole" which makes the job sound pretty prospect-less to something more like "entry level" which says the same thing, but without the negative connotations)



yellowtamarin
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24 Jun 2012, 11:25 pm

Much better :D



runfromcheney
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24 Jun 2012, 11:27 pm

Monkeybuttorama wrote:
I don't know anything much about dating sites, just have one question.. Who is LBJ?


What grade did you get in history class?
Image


BTW, heeded. I reworded that sentence to say that I am "just getting started in the business".



Monkeybuttorama
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24 Jun 2012, 11:46 pm

runfromcheney wrote:
Monkeybuttorama wrote:
I don't know anything much about dating sites, just have one question.. Who is LBJ?


What grade did you get in history class?
Image


BTW, heeded. I reworded that sentence to say that I am "just getting started in the business".


I'm assuming you didn't mean that to be an offensive/rude question. (but to answer, I just finished a history class a cpl weeks ago and got an A)

Even with the picture, I'm sorry, I don't know who that is; I'm terrible with names and with associating them with pictures



DogsWithoutHorses
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24 Jun 2012, 11:49 pm

Monkeybuttorama wrote:
runfromcheney wrote:
Monkeybuttorama wrote:
I don't know anything much about dating sites, just have one question.. Who is LBJ?


What grade did you get in history class?
Image


BTW, heeded. I reworded that sentence to say that I am "just getting started in the business".


I'm assuming you didn't mean that to be an offensive/rude question. (but to answer, I just finished a history class a cpl weeks ago and got an A)

Even with the picture, I'm sorry, I don't know who that is; I'm terrible with names and with associating them with pictures


He was a US president, the 36th


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Monkeybuttorama
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24 Jun 2012, 11:51 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

He was a US president, the 36th

Thank you, that gave me enough to go on to look it up ^_^



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25 Jun 2012, 2:23 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
-I would make this profile shorter and punch it up, try to be succinct more then descriptive, leave room for people to ask questions
-I would have pictures taken in which you have a different facial expression, I think your last one is the best. (but it's not the most flattering angle)
Also try if you can taking some higher quality photos, they tend on average to make people look better (okc mined their data for this info)
- Change your private thing answer because it's standard issue, you're a unique individual, highlight that at every opportunity
-love your facts!, the guy I'm dating now had a similar thing (presented some really cool trivia) on his profile and it was a major draw

Your picture I think are the most urgent of these concerns. I think the lack of expression and iffy lighting isn't helping you lead with your best foot forward.

best of luck, online dating varies a lot by demographic and locale so don't take a lack of response as a personal indictment
you also have a lot of things women (and I'd argue most people) on okc generically (so not all individuals) like to see, 6ft tall (if that's honest and not being generous, only criteria here I think is a gender specific preference, you aren't religious or militantly atheist, you're employed (at a job you like too, life satisfaction is hugely attractive), you're going to school, and you write in complete sentences. Those are all awesome.


I notice you care a lot about the guy's height (and how he should be taller than the girl, not a very feminist mindset), you often mention it - just saying.

But i disagree, it's not the only gender specific preference.

All girls that i am being in contact with them right now, and the ones i met up are....TALLER than me.