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nouse
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26 Jun 2012, 8:39 am

I'm a loner. I'm happy, occasionally. I'm not an aspie.
I have rejected lots of people when they have tried to be my friend. When I was 13-16 I just walked away without interest. Others were trying to get me hang around with them but I simply refused. I just didn't have any interest what so ever. It was frequent and I had hard time to avoid their "intimacy" in school. They started to bully me because I didn't want to spend time with them and preferred to be completely alone. I handled social situations when needed and they weren't tiring. Those situations were just utterly repulsive.

Time progressed and I was in my mid twenties. I had developed serious anxiety and psychologist tried to diagnose me as an aspie. It felt like I was breaking her brain when I told about my life. I didn't receive (rightfully) AS diagnosis because I have had friends before teenage years. It was in my teen years when I cut away my social life completely.

So do aspies reject friendships on purpose?



alec_eiffel
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26 Jun 2012, 9:21 am

Quote:
So do aspies reject friendships on purpose?


Yes, but usually as a preemptive defense strategy based on previous failures and embarrassments.



namaste
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26 Jun 2012, 11:36 am

i have never rejected friends
they have rejected me most of the time
and when humiliation or insults get beyond control point then i avoid them
but its always they who first avoid me.


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ValentineWiggin
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26 Jun 2012, 1:52 pm

For me, it's just never happened (friendships) in real life-
it's not an issue of rejecting them, although I don't personally feel "wired" toward friendship.


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Erminetheawkward
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26 Jun 2012, 7:37 pm

I've never rejected anyone in that I've never said "I don't want to be your friend". But I do shy away from "mainstream" people, like HipsterChick said. I'm still getting over my negative experience with mainstream "popular" people back in middle and high school. I also shy away from really outgoing, social people when they approach me. I just can't keep up. I relate it to speaking Spanish. I can understand spanish and speak it on a basic level. But I couldn't communicate well with a native speaker.


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Last edited by Erminetheawkward on 27 Jun 2012, 11:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

lostgirl1986
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26 Jun 2012, 8:54 pm

I might have done it on purpose a few times when I was much younger. I know that I've rejected people who were trying to be my friend unintentionally. For example, in grade 8 a girl in my class tried to befriend me by always asking me if I wanted to sit beside her or be her partner for things. I thought she was just being nice, my brain didn't register that she was probably trying to be my friend until a few years after.



Wolfheart
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27 Jun 2012, 12:21 am

Definitely, I think we can give gestures and body language that are seen as reserved or disinterested without even knowing it. I know I did before I started to make a concious effort to be more aware.



Wolfheart
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27 Jun 2012, 12:23 am

One example would be a person on the spectrum that struggles to make eye contact, a person might see that as disinterested, another example might be someone on the spectrum that speaks in a monotone voice or someone that has closed body language without being aware.



351Boss
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27 Jun 2012, 1:30 am

I find I can be quite dismissive, once in a blue moon I do go out and I can make myself socialize but I pay for it later with mental fatigue because it takes everything I have not to take my focus inward, stare blindly and drown out the stimulus. Sometimes it creeps up on me and I do just that though, when I need to take a break and it's already been a big day or something.
But there are some people that I have in the past, quote: "Cut Down" as friends have told me, These people are usually guys making advances that I'm just not that into and after I've tried to be 'subtle' (*snort* like a brick) in my 'rejection'. Apparently I can be harsh...LOL

Meh:shrug:

When people (New acquaintances) want to stay in touch, I don't mind at all, there are a lot of nice people out there... but it will never be me that will make the effort, not because I don't like the person or anything but it just the thought never crosses my mind down the track, I rarely think about people who have only graced my life momentarily. I guess I'm an out of sight out of mind kinda girl.

I have to make a conscious effort to occasional drop a line to friends I've had for years because it's the right thing to do not because I feel a hankering to keep in touch. Luckily I have true friends that actually like me worts and all and accepted me long before my weirdness had a name.



thewhitrbbit
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27 Jun 2012, 10:04 am

I think that all aspies accidently reject people at times due to the inability to read social ques.

I think some aspies actively reject people.



Sweetleaf
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27 Jun 2012, 1:27 pm

I mostly only reject people who cause harm to me or people I care about....other then that I am pretty accepting, however there are some kinds of people I just don't have anything in common with and no real interest in which I don't attempt to socialize with. I mean as much as people say you can't judge by clothes, someones way of dressing can say a lot about what their social group is....and I know I have had better luck with some social groups than others so I tend to stay away from the ones I've had bad luck with.

I will also admit though those who come off as preps and/or jocks kinda freak me out so I guess I kind of reject them...at first glance because I got bullied by people like that so I feel intimidated around them. I mean I am sure there are decent people in that social group and if I met one I'd be chill with them I wouldn't want to be friends as we wouldn't have anything in common but I wouldn't have an issue with them.

Then of course Jehova's Witnesses or whatever that walk up to you to try and convince you, that you should convert to their religion. I don't want to talk about it so I walk away before they get close enough to talk to me.


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teamnoir
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01 Jul 2012, 4:49 pm

Sometimes yes.

And having friends at earlier ages doesn't preclude being aspie. I had friends early. I still have friends. And I'm autistic.



J-P
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02 Jul 2012, 10:15 pm

namaste wrote:
i have never rejected friends
they have rejected me most of the time
and when humiliation or insults get beyond control point then i avoid them
but its always they who first avoid me.


Same for me :(



again_with_this
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03 Jul 2012, 12:30 am

alec_eiffel wrote:
Quote:
So do aspies reject friendships on purpose?


Yes, but usually as a preemptive defense strategy based on previous failures and embarrassments.


Well said. When younger, I would have been happy to have friends. Moving into my teenage years it became preemptive to avoid what I figured was the inevitable.



hyperlexian
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03 Jul 2012, 12:30 am

i am not very good at maintaining friendships. i sort of wait until other people ask me to go out and do something, but i don't really think of asking THEM to get together. it's silly. so i end up wondering what happened to the friendship, but usually i believe i simply neglected it.


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EtreOptimiste
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04 Jul 2012, 1:10 am

You may not have Asperger's syndrome but it definitely sounds like you have Avoidant Personality Disorder.