Faceblindness, and sexual attraction.

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naturalplastic
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27 Jun 2012, 11:33 am

A question for the faceblind.

Are the faces of some members of the opposite sex more attractive to you than others ( as with me and with with most people)?

Or does everyone just look alike to you ( ie bodyshape being the same the face doesnt matter in an opposite sex person)?

Am I making any sense at all?

OK... if you're GAY ..and...faceblind ( just so I dont get accused of being biased) substitute 'same sex' for 'opposite sex' in that question.



Valkyrie2012
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27 Jun 2012, 11:42 am

I am not entirely sure if it is like this for everyone - but I am not always face blind. I would say it kicks in 75% of the time. Or - if someone changes something in their appearance.

I work in a hotel... very stressful, especially when I don't recognize someone I just checked in. They come back talking friendly and acting as if they know me. These people have features, but I do not recognize them. Usually I am sitting there half panicking trying to figure out who they are.. and sometimes I never do and offend them for asking what room or what their name is, but needs must.

All that said... I am not attracted to people in a "typical" way. I am attracted to hands... regardless of the face. When I look at people I rarely notice the face as a whole - and when I do I am so uneasy and unsettled I quickly revert to looking at features only. I like peoples lips... very much. Eyebrows is another.

Sometimes I like the way a person moves... and certainly being "buff" as a guy is nonsense to me... as again.. certain features will stand out and I will either love that feature, or dislike it completely.

Not sure if this is the feedback you were looking for...



Surfman
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27 Jun 2012, 11:58 am

I just put on me beer goggles, and the world is full of pretties



MindWithoutWalls
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27 Jun 2012, 11:58 am

I think I have some small degree of face blindness, though maybe not enough for my answer to count. But I don't mind participating in the responses if you don't mind that I do.

For me, it's not about being able to see faces or appreciate them in the moment. It's about being able to picture them in my mind or remembering them well enough so that I can tell if I'm seeing someone familiar again. I have intermittent trouble with this, especially when it's someone I don't know well. So, it's not full-on face blindness. I can think someone is somebody else, and this has caused me some embarrassment more than once. Sometimes I can't talk to someone until I'm sure I'm not wrong about who they are. Sometimes I make a mistake. Sometimes I don't recognize someone I've met on several occasions before. I often have to go by hairstyle, so if hair is similar, I can goof up. I can also think someone is a different person just because of hairstyle, even if I ought to know the person is the same from context.

I'm gay, but I can recognize an attractive face, even if I'm not attracted to the person. So, men can seem nice looking to me. Even other women can be appealing without my feeling that kind of attraction, because I don't automatically want every woman I see. It takes something more than just what's in the face or body. I'm not attracted to people I think aren't nice. Even actors that have seemed attractive before can look ugly if they play mean characters. So, I guess behavior and attitude are part of how I know who someone is. So is context. Maybe I'm using these things as triggers, so I don't really know how bad my face blindness (if that's what it is) really is.

Does this answer offer any help with your question?


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Greb
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27 Jun 2012, 12:24 pm

Good question. I find some faces more attractive than others, of course. No problem there. When I'm in front of somebody everything is OK. The problem comes when I try to remember or picture this face, or to recognize this person.

But...

Now you mention it, I find (most of times) attractive those faces with clear features, like big noses, or big mouths, or freckles or angular faces, as Katherine Hepburn or Julia Roberts. On the other hand, I find those kind of 'round' sweet faces kind of mild and not as much attractive, as Katie Holmes. Indeed, I have been told more than once that I had a very 'strange' beauty canon.

I never thought on it, but in some way, it's true that when a face is easier to be remembered, it's like it earns points... weird, now I'm thinking on it. :?



Monkeybuttorama
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27 Jun 2012, 12:31 pm

Unless I've interacted with someone many times, I cannot recognize them unless there is something that stands out about them, such as weight, tattoos, etc.

I think everyone looks pretty much the same, even in hair and clothing; it's all just subtle variations of the same styles, and because of that, if someone wears something different, gets a hair cut, etc. I don't recognize them at all.

That said, I don't find anyone particularly appealing unless I know them and learn what subtle differences they have, but that's still mostly intellectual, rather then physical; Unless it's porn or strippers (which are visual-only, and mostly related to the body, rather then the face), I don't much care what a person looks like, I'll still be attracted to them if they have an awesome personality.


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CWA
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27 Jun 2012, 1:02 pm

I have three categories of people: Ugly, gorgeous, average.

Most of the time I don't notice. But if I intereact with someone, then they get put into one of the three categories.

I'm pretty faceblind. I have a really hard time with some of my kids teachers unless there is something very different about the person. Like if they are very overweight or something or have an odd piercing. Then I can use that to help me.

Unless it is someone I know WELL I have a very hard time recognizing people out of context. For example if I bump into a coworker I work with daily outside of work I will recognize them pretty quick. But if it is one I know less well, or one of my kids teachers I have NO clue who they are usually until there is a hint in the conversation.

My husbands boss lives near us and I have bumped into her several times at the grocery store. EVERY SINGLE TIME I don't know who she is and she realizes that I don't know and I'm trying to fake it and she has to say "I'm your hubbys boss". This one worries me because we work at the same company and I don't want it getting back to mangement that I can't recognize someone I've met many many times.

That all being said I practice "noticing" changes in peoples appearance. Unfortunately I do it to the extent that it may come off as creepy. For example, I work with 5 guys. Every single day I study their hair and facial hair. Every day. I do this so that if they get a haircut I can say something (and find out if I have successfully recognized the haircut) or give them a hard time if they skip a day shaving (our employer requires us to be clean shaven every day or else you may be snet home to shave) adn therefore seem sociable and hopefully fit in better (challenging as the only female of the bunch in addition to my lack of social skills).

To be honest I thought EVERYONE had to do stuff like this before I learned about AS.



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27 Jun 2012, 2:06 pm

Yes, some faces are more attractive than others. My faceblindness doesn't seem to have the effect of making everyone look totally the same, if that is what you were saying.

But I do have a hard time recognizing people I've only met briefly or a few times, and sometimes I even have a hard time recognizing people I know very well if they are in an unexpected place. One time, I was driving home, and I didn't recognize my (now ex) husband riding his bike at the side of the road. He was rather offended.

I also have to think of what my family is wearing if I am trying to find them in a crowd or at a store because I can only pick them out by what color shirt they were wearing, even though their faces ought to be quite familiar to me.

I was very proud of myself recently for recognizing a new neighbor at the store because she is a lovely person, however she is tall and nice looking and blonde and looks similar to many other people in a way. However, she wears very detailed, artsy type clothing so if I see her in a shirt with say, beading around the top, then I am pretty sure it is her, and if it is her then Oops, I accidently smiled and waved at a stranger.

As a side note, I find attraction to be about much more than just the face or body. If someone is funny and makes me laugh then I am super attracted to them. Examples of this being actor Ed Helms, from the Office and The Hangover, and comedian Bo Burnham. I don't think that either of them are typical of faces that women go crazy about, but I do find that they are so funny! And laughing makes me feel good, and that makes me fall in love with someone or have a crush on them. I hope that makes sense.


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MindWithoutWalls
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27 Jun 2012, 2:49 pm

glasstoria wrote:
If someone is funny and makes me laugh then I am super attracted to them.


Well, that would explain some of my childhood / young adult crushes! :lol:


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