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mystranger
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21 Jul 2012, 4:25 pm

Well, I don't know if that's necessarily what I really feel right now, but it's as close as I'm going to get.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about seven years now. He's a lucky thirteen years older than I am. We've had the usual disagreements of time together and money. We were engaged, then it just got too much for me, and I called it off, and we didn't see or speak together for at least a month. We've slowly worked our way back up to where we were before the break-up, even having me spend more time over at his place. As he puts it, I've put my touch on certain things, brought in some plants, taken over a side of the bathroom. What sucks now, is that he just got fired from his job. He's put in for unemployment and food stamps, but neither has been approved as of yet.

Tonight, we're going to take my parents out to eat so I can finally get them to talk. We're a very tight-knit family (mainly stemming from the fact that my dad's siblings basically don't talk to him unless they need something), so my wanting my parent's approval on this is very important to me. Now, it's not the talking that's getting me worked up to the point of tears, it's the actual moving out of the house that's the problem. We've never moved once from that house--dad has lived there since high school--and the only time we weren't there was either in a hotel or at a relative's house during vacations. I've always been around family in some form or another. Except for what I have over at his place, I have everything of mine at home.

I guess I'm posting this to see if anyone has any advice on how to make this smoother for me. That, and I need to talk to someone who already doesn't have an opinion on the whole situation.

I guess, thanks for listening.



hartzofspace
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21 Jul 2012, 4:34 pm

Could you do it in stages? Like take a month and move a few things at a time? Not to sure what would be good advice, because if it were me I would be freaking out, too. My fiance and I recently moved into our very own home and at first it was overwhelming. But since I couldn't wait to get out of my old place (which was cramped and noisy) it was more a relief than a trauma. If I had been leaving a familiar home and family situation, that might have been a different thing altogether.


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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21 Jul 2012, 10:41 pm

In a previous relationship, I tried to be "good" and spend a lot of together time. I lost some of myself. And I lost opportunities to emotionally process (not 100% deal, but good to give myself an opportunity).

For example, I sometimes like to take long walks, like two hours, early in the day.

Or, I might do some research and write some personal things late morning or early afternoon. And then I might need the middle part of the day to go to the bookstore, maybe see a movie by myself, or to play in some fashion.

Then, in the evening I might want to spend time with someone else.



analyser23
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24 Jul 2012, 5:01 am

Everyone is different of course, and so is every situaion. I have lived in 3 places and am now 32yo. It was definitely tough moving out of my family home into my ex's house!!
There are pros and cons...
For me, I had disagreements often with my parents and felt squashed in doing what I wanted to do, and was always questioned as to what I was doing, with who, what times, etc. It was nice to have my own choices. However, I was living in my ex's house, so it was still kind of "his rules" and that was difficult in itself. Also, having to learn to "fit in" with someone in a different way to fitting in with people who had grown up with me while living with me.

I now have my own place and my current partner and Son are here with me. It is more setup by me, but is still tough as it is small and I still have to try to "be on my best behaviour" (which rarely happens :( ) and is tough to demand alone time, I always need so much in order to function.

It is a necessary step though, and all I can suggest is, give it a go and see what happens. Will you always have your parents house to fall back on to move back into if need be? If so, this makes a big difference.

With my ex, I also had a few things at his place already. I found, however, that once I made my mind up, I moved all my stuff at once, so that I would have EVERYTHING I needed there with me, not half here and half there, it was important to me to move my "World" over so I could create my own mini World in a strange place so that I would feel comfortable. Create "mini Worlds" at your boyfriends house too, with his input too of course.

Not sure if that was any help at all! Good luck!