PTSD how to get rid of it?

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I was already posting it somewhere else, but I'm in just a good mood about it. I have to post it again! :

I'm doing PTSD-tests once in a while and for the first time I just fullfilled in 1 out of 3 PTSD-tests a positive result.
A half year ago, I was still clearly in the PTSD-range. So it is getting clearly better after a view months.

But I still have it.

I thought about it a whole bunch of while.
Yes, I belive it'll get better and I'll suffer less and less, but I also belive that every trauma leaves like a scar.

As a little child I was already once in a traumatic situation. I got over it, so that it didn't hurt me anymore.
But it left behind claustrophobia. This was my "scar" after the trauma and because of that I was more vulnerable.
The trauma I have now has many paralels to my first trauma and I don't belive that's a coinsidence, it's more that I was more vulnerable.

So, I started writing about my traumatic situation in this forum and it kind of helped me.

I started getting traumatic symptoms after being in locked ward for two weeks in a psychiatric hospital against my will. This happend nearly two years ago.

I stayed in this hospital ambulant for nearly another two years, until last week.
Now I have the feeling I have to rethink everything again, not being there anymore.

I still don't understand why I stayed there ambulant for another two years, well knowing that it was traumatic there for me in the locked ward.
In this time I continued staying there ambulant I showed clearly traumatic symptoms, irritability, meltdowns, highly amivalent behaviour towards the people working there and espessially towards my therapist there and so on. I also started writing them mostly per email my feelings towards the locked ward and the situation back then. In the end of my ambulant time in this psychiatric hospital I even just wrote down numbers in my letters. Numbers after numbers, calculating the seconds I had to stay there and other stuff. Also when I was afraid because something remindet me on the traumatic situation I wrote. I still have the need writing them down my thoughts about the locked ward and the situation in the psychiatric hospital. How do I deal with it? I came in that locked ward nearly two years ago, because I wrote something what was missunderstood as a suicide note.
Very often I wasn't able to express my feelings and thoughts there in amulant therapy and was highly scared there nearly the entire time. I didn't showed those symptoms befor or in real life. There were clearly attached to the traumatic situation.

Now, not being there anymore and the knowledge I don't have to go there anymore releaved me from most of my symptoms.

But I still don't understand:
Why did I continue to go there for ambulant therapy for another two years, well knowing that I was traumaticed in the very same psychiatric hospital in the locked ward?
And why did noone noticed it there, why all this happend?

This night I dreamed that I'm in a cinema, I l eft my bike there and suddenly the door shut and there were no windows.

I couldn't move anymore and was totally fullfill with fear, because of my claustrophobia.
The dream felt very real.

Now the trauma is nearly two years ago.
I feel better, but still kind of mixed.
I want to cry because of the trauma, but laugh at the same time because now I'm complitely out of the traumatic environment since 1 1/2 weeks.

I also have the strong desire to see the traumatic place again, but I don't know if it's good or bad for me.

Uhh that doesn't exactly work with PTSD, you can know its not real and in the past all you want, but that does not stop it from feeling real when you get the symptoms. The whole thing with PTSD is it screws up ones ability to do just that. Because normally the brain can let it go but PTSD prevents that and instead causes it to replay over and over again in various ways.

crying a little and getting a headache when attempting to just face it, relive it and realize its not real is a freaking understatement of what happens, at least to me. I've tried that approach in the past and well looks like it didn't solve my problem, so I question if it would solve the OPs problem.

So what does help?

I have it since nearly two years and I made huge progress at this time, but it is still VERY difficult to deal with it and I still have to think nearly every day about the trauma and I can hardly do something else.

And in not even two weeks anymore it is exactly two years ago and that's a terrible difficult time for me and messes me up the whole september and propably even october.

But I'm still doing fairly good, eventhough it is so hugly difficult. Last year at the same time, when it was one year ago, I was even slightly psychotic.

Marijuana can help because it is a serenic too and you can bake it in spacecakes rather than smoking it. Yes I have trauamtic issues too with childhood physical abuse from my father and emotional abuse from my mum as well as further emotional abuse in a place I was referred to in 1988-94 when I just walked out. I have essentially zero levels of compassion for most people , not because I lack empathy but I never received any after 1977. Talking therapies do not work because the last time was like bear baiting and trying to make me feel I can't do any right. I should be prescribed sativex but that is only given to wheelchair users that have MS and I also have epilepsy which I kept in remission becasue I smoked pot for years and eaten spacecakes two years after I gave up smoking it and I'm now not eating spacecakes for a while. I am a much nicer person when I am on the dope so iots a shame I cannot be prescribed something which does me a lot of good and I feel a lot better afterwards that being emotionally. I haven't had a spacecake for over a month. I have experienced nightmares due to the experiences I have had throughout 1974-94.

I heard that E can help some people but it can be dangerous too in the wrong environment and that acid and shrooms should not be messed around with recreationally because these can cause a psychosis unless used in moderation and in the right set and setting. I have used philosophers stones and I feel when I was tripping I just could not hate people due to the effects of 'dissolved boundaries'. But either way what causes the trauma in the firsst place still stays the same.

One treatment I've heard described is this:

First, figure out a bunch of things you can do that you find calming and relaxing. Get those things ready.

Next, get a tape recorder and start recording yourself telling the story of what happened, in as much detail as possible. If you start getting really upset, take a break and use the relaxation techniques you've figured out to calm back down. Then keep going.

Once you've got your tape, set aside a time every day when you will listen to the tape. Pay attention to the story on the tape, but also keep track of your stress levels, and pause the tape to do your relaxation activities whenever you start getting upset.

If it's working, you should find it easier and easier to listen to the tape without getting upset. At the same time, because the tape forces you to think about the trauma, thinking about the trauma should become less upsetting as well.

This thread really sucks

Ppl without PTSD should f**k off

Quit giving advice when you know nothing about it.

PTSD NEVER goes away.

Treatment takes many years under the guidance of an expert.

Reliving/re-experiencing can be very dangerous.

Stop f*****g around and get expert help.

I know people with PTSD and they basically describe it as a problem with processing the events that happened to them. I think medicine will only get you so far. Assuming you have a therapist, I think it is a case of slowly working on your symptoms bit by bit while trying to come to terms with whatever happened to you. This is, sadly, the extent of my expertise. Your best bet is finding support from other survivors and, of course, mental health experts.

You don't/can't "get rid" of legitimate PTSD.

Correct.