Do people reject or downplay your diagnosis?

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Spending weekends in the library, huh? Wow, how horribly pathological! Why, if everybody spent their weekends at the library, people might actually know things! The horror!!



Don't believe the "doing it for attention" deal. People do occasionally do things for attention, but if it's something as desperate as faking a neurological disorder, they usually have serious problems in their lives to begin with--meaning that they actually need the attention they're trying to get, and people have been downplaying and ignoring their distress for a long time. (With the obvious exception of a malingerer who fakes illness to, for example, get out of military service--I am assuming that this is quite rare where autism is concerned, what with the difficulty of diagnosis and the necessity for a life-long history.)

I can't even hate the people who really *are* faking AS for attention (I've never met one, but I guess a few of them are out there)... you have to be in a lot of trouble before you resort to that.

Anyway, the "doing it for attention" thing is just a way of dismissing your experiences, perhaps because they believe you will get more than your share of help if you're diagnosed autistic, or because they are threatened by the idea that autism can be subtle--that disability is not always obvious, so that they can't divide the world into clear categories of me-the-non-disabled and you-the-disabled, and thus can't keep the (to them fearful) idea of disability away. People like having neat little ideas of what it means to be disabled--that the disabled are some obviously impaired group far away from the main body of society, rather than, as it really is, everyone being potentially (and inevitably, if you live long enough) part of that group.

When they make accusations about our wanting attention, they don't think of how desperate somebody has to be to actually try something like that. If they thought of that, and honestly believed you were faking it, they would realize you needed help and if they cared even a little try to help you. Maybe they'd be misguided, but at least they'd understand that you had a real problem.

I would conclude that they really haven't thought much about your experiences--that they haven't thought enough about it, anyway, to have the basis for a true opinion of whether you are faking or not. And that means that their statement that you are "doing it for the attention" can be safely ignored--it isn't an accusation based on logic.

What kind of response should they give, anyway?

People tend to say something like "oh, really?" when you tell them some condition or ailment of yours. That's socially polite.

Everyone has some issue or condition or ailment, but most aren't something that casual friends around them need to know.
I know a guy with MS. He doesn't "come out" with MS to us. Nor does the girl who's diabetic. Nor does the guy who has mild tourettes.

I prefer people around me to know. I can be really awkward and really dense, and I want them to know that I really AM awkward and dense--not willfully offensive. Plus, I tend to stim the second I stop thinking about not doing so, and I'll go off on lectures, interrupt people, generally seem like either an absent-minded professor or else a few crayons short of a box... I would prefer people to know why. I'd rather be known as "that autistic chick" than be thought of as a rude, hateful person or annoying brat. Plus, if I tell them, I can follow it with, "So if I do anything annoying, just tell me to stop, because I probably have no idea I'm annoying anybody."

I guess some people tend to downplay my diagnosis because I can make some eye contact and hold conversations. They don't know that this eye contact is fleeting at best, and my conversations never go beyond a few minutes of small talk because anything more is too overwhelming. In class I can make conversation, but I need to turn away into myself after a few minutes to "recharge".

But people have misconceptions about AS, so it doesn't surprise me, especially when one's case is mild.

This.

Downplayed, yes. Especially by my family. When I brought up the subject of autism (I don't bother any more), they would quickly change the subject as though speaking about autism made them uncomfortable.

It would have been nice to have had some questions to answer about the subject, but never mind.

My Human Resources Manager has been downright nasty at work.
She volunteered before with a child with Asperger's and compares me to him, I think. Well everyone's different. She once had the nerve to hijack a private meeting (there are supposed to be two management people in the room) and she caught me one-on-one before the second person came and was telling me everything I do wrong, if I was anyone else I would be fired for my behavior... the other person came and she was fine.

Not an Aspie but l know what you mean.

l actually see people try to diagnose other people all over the internet. There is someone l talk to online from a different site who displays a s**t ton of Aspie traits. lt's pretty obvious to other people. She's not diagnosed and l don't even think she's considered that she's might have AS but when criticizing her NTs will use stock phrases associated with the traits of AS. Saying she must lack empathy or "simply cannot see anything from another person's point of view."

And l actually see that same thing, randomly, in a lot of different situations. Once people have a set of symptoms in their head they are eager to apply it to someone.

l've gotten similar remarks. People will try to use it to their advantage. Because l don't have a diagnosis l am easily able to retort with a clever witticism and even get a little nasty with people when they come down on me with the armchair psychiatry tactics.

The quick wit is really what has always saved me in these situations because l have an easy time making people look foolish. lf l actually were diagnosed with AS, they might not even believe because wit and sarcasm are not commonly associated with it (but l've seen plenty of it here). In any case, l would still keep my diagnosis under wraps so l would have more freedom with my own behavior.

Bluh, definitely when I was first diagnosed.

It seemed quite a few of my friends were very skeptic and in turn they down-played it a lot.

One of my very best friends was saying that he didn't think I had it because his brother has it much worse than I do.

I hate it when that happens.

Your friends should be supporting you right now. Even if your diagnosis does make them uncomfortable, they could at least try to hide it by asking you questions about it. Writing a long letter can really help. It shows people that you're really serious about what you're saying.

Good luck

I would say downplay or ignore it. I don't often talk about it offline though.

My friends though, at least when I am under distress they will console me. I suppose some members of my family will too.
Things have certainly improved from what they were a couple of years ago.

Professionals who don't know ASDs well downplay it. People with mental illnesses who I know IRL downplay it. People who I get along with well who I know in person tend to not. People who I only know online tend to not believe me when I'm describing what I go through in my daily life.

I still find being very open about my ASD best though - I don't actually conceal it at all. The most common piece of jewelry for me to wear is a puzzle piece necklace.

This.
I have met someone who faked it. She actually partially convinced herself too. It wasn't a little wake up one day and decide she wants to pretend to be on the autistic spectrum thing. She was in so much mental pain that faking was her method of coping. She needed a reason for being how she was that wasn't her how she was treated growing up, AS was the lifelong thing she turned to because she'd developed some of the symptoms and had already been introverted.

In her case after a few years of therapy for her depression and anxiety she was able to realize what had been done, but the amount of pain it took to start that, and to continue it for at least 6 months, was huge.