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PastFixations
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10 Aug 2012, 2:46 pm

OlivG wrote:
I used to do this. Later I realized when using self-deprecating humor, many times the people would laugh AT you instead of your jokes. It ruptures your social value and makes you a clown. People don't respect that. Even if they enjoyed your humor and wanted you to be in their company, it's often so that they could make fun at your expense.

THIS!! !
I got the same impression though again much too late.


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10 Aug 2012, 4:55 pm

Moondust wrote:
I agree with others here who said you have to be very careful how you do it or it can make you lose people's respect.

I had no respect to lose with some people but they used what I said as fuel to be more mean & hateful towards me & say more negative things about me to others. Need to know how to deliver it & with which crowed to use it with so it want be used against you.


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onks
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11 Aug 2012, 7:14 am

patrickmoler wrote:
I'm curiuos to know if any of you use self-deprecating humor as a social buffer. It seems to work well enough for me. When I'm wearing a lil' thin I just make a joke about how i'm obnoxious, a know it all, socially awkward, etc. Then the person just laughs acts like "oh he's actually very witty and charming"

On the down side some people seem to think I have low self esteem because of it......Though those people are often very ignorant and shallow minded.


So what are your guys' thoughts on this technique?


'Well for me that is perfect. You can easily make NTs go weird about you....

Just say you are crazy with a tone that resembles irony. And best is when you name the others as well with some nickname
Hahaha

Can be really fun, ....
because nobody takes this seriously

well you are of course not completely crazy just a littlebit

and at the same time you just describe a part of your self
and nobody cares about you being a little crazy.

well not always smart , has to be appropriate audience.



OliveOilMom
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11 Aug 2012, 7:18 am

You can also give them sort of a sardonic smile or a wink to show you're kidding. Also, laugh when you say it.


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spongy
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11 Aug 2012, 10:00 am

Im big on self depreciating humour.

However Ive found that it has its own time and place and if you overuse it people will take you seriously.

I can do it among friends that have known me for a long period or to avoid people making a huge deal whenever someone compliments something I do.

For example theres this lady on English club who kept saying that my English was amazing blah blah to some new members. I replied that we were all there for a reason, I needed to stop showing off so much/speak slowly and she needed to work on her English.



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11 Aug 2012, 1:44 pm

This is my primary means of survival right now - self-deprecation. I've even been thinking of getting a t-shirt printed for myself that says, "DOUCHEBAG" on the front in big bold letters.

But one of the problems with this is that one of the reasons I am a douchebag is that i'm isolated, and when I do things like this it's sending the message that my isolation is not a serious problem. It's a fracturing of the situation. You are trying to make people do the opposite of what you want them to do: make them laugh when what you really want is for them to be sad with you for a direct, finite moment to disperse the pain and move on. And so you could be isolating yourself even further if you aren't surrounded by really sharp people.



knowbody15
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12 Aug 2012, 8:23 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
You can also give them sort of a sardonic smile or a wink to show you're kidding. Also, laugh when you say it.



this is how you keep yourself in the green in terms of respect. For me, a look, a smile, let people know you're just kidding, that's the irony of self deprecating humor, there's a part of you that might think you're the absolute s**t, while another part of you keeps you in check with the self deprecating humor.



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12 Aug 2012, 11:45 pm

Nowadays I know better than using body language to convey a message non-verbally. If I do what you say (which is indeed a wonderful way when done by a confident NT), they'll interpret my wink as me coming on to them and my laugh as me laughing at them. If other aspies are anything like me, we'd better refrain from relying on our body language to convey the messages we want to convey.


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Dox47
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13 Aug 2012, 2:27 am

I like self deprecation, though I agree that it must be used carefully or else it can come off as negativity or false modesty. I'm not so much concerned about appearing weak or losing peoples respect as I am coming off as a downer or as fishing for complements, both of those are major turnoffs to me so I try and avoid doing them myself.


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