Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

This is Why I've Never Had a Girlfriend!

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

FMX
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,319

19 Aug 2012, 6:14 am

Yes, looking back I think that's occasionally happened to me, too, but only very rarely.

There was one time in particular that I was waiting at a train station and this girl came up to me and asked me when the next train is. I just said "15 minutes" (or whatever), but she then asked something else like where it's going and at this stage I was thinking "huh? why the hell is she asking me this stuff? do I look like I work here?" So I mumbled something again, all confused. Nothing too unusual about the questions themselves, but the thing is, she was standing really close to me the whole time (far closer than was necessary) and it just seemed to take a lot of time and effort to ask such simple questions. It's hard to put my finger on it, but there was definitely something unusual about those trivial questions. In fact, when she was walked up to me she had this look like she was on a mission - I actually thought she was about to try to sell me something, so I was surprised even by her first, perfectly ordinary, question. It was only later that it occurred to me maybe she was interested in me. I was wearing a suit and tie that day, which I don't normally do any more, so maybe that helped. She was very cute, too! I was kicking myself later for not at least giving it a go - even though, in all likelihood nothing would have come out of it anyway.

outofplace wrote:
Don't worry, I do the same thing. Even when I realize someone may be trying to give me a subtle hint, I still have no idea what to do and try to fish for something more definite. Of course, that never happens because women want the guy to take the lead and will initiate in such a way that the man is supposed to know and reciprocate in such a way that appears to be the one initiating when in reality it was the woman who got the ball rolling. Confused yet? I am!


That's a really good way of putting it. I never really though of it this way, but it makes sense. Thanks for the explanation!

outofplace wrote:
I actually had a situation like this yesterday. One of the female drivers at the pizza place I work at had her car break down. My aspie special interest is auto mechanics so of course I was dying to look at it. When I went to do so she mentioned a dinner and drinks special at a local restaurant. Now, the conversation did not call for such a thing so I just commented that it sounded like a good deal and proceeded to look at the car for her. Besides, I don't drink so it would not be something I was especially interested in. Was she trying to give me a hint that I should ask her to go out and take advantage of that special? I thought it a possibility at the time but didn't know if I was reading it right so I just kept my mouth shut. I am still scratching my head as to what it really meant. It could have just been her mentioning it as it came up on her smart phone and maybe she was checking some kind of deal service she is part of and meant nothing to do with me.


I probably would have thought that, too. There are multiple possible explanations for anything a person says and, at least in my case, assuming that sexual interest is the most likely explanation seems rather foolish. But I think what an NT would do in this case is simply jump on the explanation that most appealed to him (she's interested in me), ignore all others if they even occurred to him in the first place, and just go ahead and ask her out. He may well be right, too! But even if he turned out to be wrong and she rejected him he would just think "what the hell is wrong with her? women!" rather than analysing what he might have done wrong. Maybe we just think too much for our own good!