I need help, don't know what to do, am panicking

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Alfonso12345
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28 Aug 2012, 12:38 am

I just had a major meltdown, no idea why I never had one before, but it's the middle of the night and I woke up everyone, because something got stolen. It was a flash drive for my computer and it had stuff saved on it. Most of the stuff on it isn't irreplaceable, but one thing on there is and it's extremely important to me, kind of an obsession type thing, not sure what to really call it, but it was a record of how many days have passed since I last did something and I have always edited the thing every day for about 2 years and it's just gone, the whole thing is gone. I can't remember the number of days, so I can't recreate it, it was saved on only the stolen flash drive, and I can't ever get it back or remember the exact number of days, I don't know what to do, it's just gone. The other stuff on it is saved on my computer so that isn't as big of a deal, but the # file is gone and it is a very big deal, it always made me extremely frustrated when I was unable to edit for a few days and then couldn't remember the exact number of days that passed and until I was able to remember and add those days to it, I would not be able to calm myself down, but it's just gone.

I'm sorry about this giant paragraph, but it's a rant and I don't know what else to say or do, or who to tell because I don't know how to explain to anyone why I had a meltdown because I've never had one before, maybe because I somehow managed to escape any stressful situation that might cause it before it happened, but this was one that could not be avoided. I don't know what to do or how to explain why this meltdown happened, it would be too embarrassing to tell my family. All I know is I can't trust anyone and I need to get out of here because someone is stealing from me and lying to me.



Last edited by Alfonso12345 on 28 Aug 2012, 1:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

LtlPinkCoupe
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28 Aug 2012, 12:52 am

Wow, I'm so sorry...

Are you currently living at home? Is it possible that a family member walked off with it (the flash drive) not knowing what it was? In other words, are there any "suspects" you think might have taken it?


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Last edited by LtlPinkCoupe on 28 Aug 2012, 12:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

redrobin62
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28 Aug 2012, 12:53 am

I must admit, meltdowns are an aspie/autie curse. When they told us our work schedules would be changed from 8 hour shifts to 12 hour shifts, I freaked out and handed in my resignation. In retrospect, my behavior was a bit inflated considering every one else stayed, but Asperger's explains my internal combustion so I understand it now.



Alfonso12345
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28 Aug 2012, 1:00 am

LtlPinkCoupe wrote:
Wow, I'm so sorry...

Are you currently living at home? Is it possible that a family member walked off with it, not knowing what it was? In other words, are there any "suspects" you think might have taken it?


Yes, I am living at home, but I discovered the worst thing. I tried to look again and when I looked in a place I looked already, I found it, but it was hidden, it's all still there, but because I thought it was lost/stolen, something, I just lost all control and woke people up and now I feel horrible that I woke up everyone for no reason. I don't know what to do now, I feel like I should just leave, leave everyone behind, they don't need me here. I've been working on a novel and I have it saved on another flash drive, I could always just work on that in public libraries and sell a bunch of stuff I don't need to make money and just live in my car. Then when that novel gets published, I can make money and just hide away in a one person apartment where my family won't ever have to see me or hear from me again.



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28 Aug 2012, 1:04 am

Everybody is entitled to a fit once in a while, don't sweat it. It's obviously not something you make a habit of doing, so I'm sure it won't be held against you. Just apologize tomorrow and tell them that you had some info on there that was important. If they are testy tomorrow it's because of interrupted sleep, I'm sure they will be better the next day.

Think back to things they did once that you overlooked. Everybody is entitled to a moment once in a while. This was yours, that's all.


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Alfonso12345
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28 Aug 2012, 1:11 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
Everybody is entitled to a fit once in a while, don't sweat it. It's obviously not something you make a habit of doing, so I'm sure it won't be held against you. Just apologize tomorrow and tell them that you had some info on there that was important. If they are testy tomorrow it's because of interrupted sleep, I'm sure they will be better the next day.

Think back to things they did once that you overlooked. Everybody is entitled to a moment once in a while. This was yours, that's all.


But I don't know of a good way to apologize, I feel like they should hate me now. The thing I thought was lost wasn't, and the whole meltdown was over nothing, that's the worst part. I feel like maybe I should mention my suspicions of having an ASD that I've kept hidden from everyone for about 5 months. I can't think of a good way to tell them and I think if I do, maybe I could explain why everything frustrates me so easily and why it only takes a matter of minutes of searching for something that I can't find to feel like I could have a meltdown any second.

All I know is, I'm not even going to try going to sleep, I'll be too humiliated to do it and I just know the memory of what I just did will haunt me for many years to come, just like every other thing I have done wrong.



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28 Aug 2012, 1:23 am

Not all nightmares happen during sleep. Besides, for that much attachment, backups of backups.

I had years of work on a hard drive, with a SMART error, and one day it would not open. Got a laptop drive, and on the tenth try I got it open and copied the disk, which promptly died dead forever, but I got the data.

Flash drives cost $10, Besides your other problems, you are cheap and disorganized.

Dont take it personal, I tell all my computer customers the problem is operator error.

So quit panicking, deep breaths, and tell yourself you have to keep up with your stuff. Several backups, and one should be offsite. It is how this stuff works, and wishes are worthless.

Now that you have captured the guilty party, make them do right!

And good luck with your book.



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28 Aug 2012, 1:27 am

I'm glad you found it. It really does sound like it could never be replaced. I think you might want to print it out, or at least copy it onto something else. Also, just in case this happens again, you could get a lockbox. I got a really nice one for $20, fire proof, with a key and a code, whichever you would be most comfortable using.
Also, I don't think anyone hates you. I've done some awful things to my family before, for almost the exact reason as you (With me, it was people taking my secret projects, art work or poetry and showing it to everyone :oops: ), but they always managed to forgive me. After a while.
And even if your apologies are awkward, I'm sure they would forgive you no matter how badly phrased they are.
And I understand (at least I think I do) how you must be feeling. Embarrassed, useless, silly for being so emotional. And every time you try to think about it, and calm down, all those emotions just come right back up, refusing to go away. But your human, so thats okay. If you were'nt, I'm sure you would not be nearly as interesting to your friends and family as you doubtless are :D
And I'm certain you are an integral and much needed member of your family. So, perk up a little, okay? Things like this happen all the time, to everyone. :D
(Oh, a little off topic, but I can't help but ask; What is your novel about? If this is a bad time to ask, I'm sorry, but your mention of it perked my interest :oops: I'm always interested in new authors )



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28 Aug 2012, 1:39 am

Alfonso12345 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Everybody is entitled to a fit once in a while, don't sweat it. It's obviously not something you make a habit of doing, so I'm sure it won't be held against you. Just apologize tomorrow and tell them that you had some info on there that was important. If they are testy tomorrow it's because of interrupted sleep, I'm sure they will be better the next day.

Think back to things they did once that you overlooked. Everybody is entitled to a moment once in a while. This was yours, that's all.


But I don't know of a good way to apologize, I feel like they should hate me now. The thing I thought was lost wasn't, and the whole meltdown was over nothing, that's the worst part. I feel like maybe I should mention my suspicions of having an ASD that I've kept hidden from everyone for about 5 months. I can't think of a good way to tell them and I think if I do, maybe I could explain why everything frustrates me so easily and why it only takes a matter of minutes of searching for something that I can't find to feel like I could have a meltdown any second.

All I know is, I'm not even going to try going to sleep, I'll be too humiliated to do it and I just know the memory of what I just did will haunt me for many years to come, just like every other thing I have done wrong.


Say this, no more no less;

"Hey, sorry about last night. I was tired, I was stressed out and had a lot on my mind and when I couldn't find what I was looking for it was the last straw. I lost it. Again, I'm sorry, and you know it's not a common occurance"

Then be quiet and they will either fuss more, grunt neutrally, or say it's ok. Either way by a few days it will be forgotten. Right now is not a good time to bring up thinking you have AS. You can use this incident in the future as an example when you mention it to them, but don't throw that at them first thing in the morning when you apologize.

Also, the more nonchalant you are about it, the easier it will be.


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Alfonso12345
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28 Aug 2012, 1:41 am

Thanks for the replies, they somewhat helped. I did actually try to reconstruct the # file before I discovered that it wasn't gone forever and was somehow able to remember at least 4 of the things that were on it. I'm calmed down now, luckily, but I feel so horrible about waking everyone up, I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I really don't know how to apologize. I don't know if I even want to be forgiven because I don't think I deserve to be. But what my story is about, I'm going to keep that information to myself, but when I do publish it, I'm going to use a pen name instead of my real name, but I haven't decided just yet what that should be.

Right now, all I am thinking about is leaving, just disappearing. I have everything I need on my flash drive and I have a little bit of gas money. I could try to just disappear and live in my car for a while. Maybe I could take some things with me to sell. After what happened, I don't feel like anyone will want me around anymore anyway.



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28 Aug 2012, 7:24 am

You deserve to be forgiven. Your a human being, and mistakes happen. From what you are saying, it is apparent that you're very considerate of your family and others, and I'm sure they care about you as well, and are willing to be understanding. I can understand how you feel; that others would be better off without you, or that you aren't worth their love or attention. But those things are untrue. And if you left, it would just make you and those you care about anxious, guilty, lonely, etc.



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28 Aug 2012, 8:37 am

Your meltdown was understandable in your situation - which should be easy for them to understand. You probably frightened them more than anything (there are things even NT's do not know how to react to). An apology should be able to fix that.



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28 Aug 2012, 9:43 am

ObserverGirl_4 wrote:
You deserve to be forgiven. Your a human being, and mistakes happen. From what you are saying, it is apparent that you're very considerate of your family and others, and I'm sure they care about you as well, and are willing to be understanding. I can understand how you feel; that others would be better off without you, or that you aren't worth their love or attention. But those things are untrue. And if you left, it would just make you and those you care about anxious, guilty, lonely, etc.


Actually, if I just left, it also would be a bad thing for me, living in my car and selling whatever I think I can make money on. Sleeping in a car might not be safe either. There are bad enough people who could steal from a homeless person without remorse and I could have been robbed, maybe killed, who knows?

Thanks for the reply though. When I actually did apologize, they were all extremely calm about it this morning. It almost amazes me how calm they are, because I don't even think they should be. Everything turned out better than I expected, so I guess I don't need to leave.



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28 Aug 2012, 9:43 am

I'm glad you found your flash drive! :D

I agree with what OliveOilMom said - go easy on yourself. Apologize in the morning and then move on. We all have meltdowns once in awhile for different reasons. I bet some of your other family members even have meltdowns of their own sometimes, too!


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Alfonso12345
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28 Aug 2012, 9:51 am

LtlPinkCoupe wrote:
I'm glad you found your flash drive! :D

I agree with what OliveOilMom said - go easy on yourself. Apologize in the morning and then move on. We all have meltdowns once in awhile for different reasons. I bet some of your other family members even have meltdowns of their own sometimes, too!


They probably do, but I doubt it's anything like mine! :lol: I do think if the # file had not been on it, my reaction would have been different. It wouldn't be anywhere near as bad as it was. I would still be very much annoyed, but I wouldn't have thought it was gone forever.

Even though I feel much better after apologizing, I'm still extremely embarrassed that the meltdown happened. I don't know how to ever make that feeling go away and I just know the memory of it is going to haunt me for many years to come, but I don't know what to do about that.