Telling my parents I think I have Aspergers

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Tophat22
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07 Sep 2012, 5:54 pm

I strongly suspect that I have Aspegers, but I am not sure how to tell my parents.

I have taken some online tests like the BAP and the AQ and scored within the Aspie range for all of them. I could go into detail about why I believe that I have Aspergers, but I don't want this to be a "Do you think I have Aspergers" thread.

As I said before I am fairly certain that I have Aspergers, but don't know how to tell my parents. What would you think the best way to tell them is?



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07 Sep 2012, 6:03 pm

Do they know that you have felt different from others? Or were you ever bullied?

Telling my parents about my ADD was easy because we all kind of got a quick education in neurodiversity when my kids were diagnosed. We say BAP stuff all over the family. So my direct experience will not help you, but maybe if I know a little bit more, my experience as a parent could.


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Tophat22
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07 Sep 2012, 6:27 pm

They have noticed habits of mine that can be explained by having aspergers. Such as eating habits, extreme dislike of certain textures, introversion, stimming, and intense interests. However I think they just perceive those being eccentric and not Aspie behavior.



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07 Sep 2012, 6:35 pm

That helps. What first made you suspect you had Aspergers? Did you meet someone with it? See a show about it? Read an article about it?


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07 Sep 2012, 6:40 pm

I told my mom about my suspicions via email. The first thing I said was why I was doing it by email (I'm not good at talking to people face to face.... she knew that already). I told her about why I thought I had it. I made sure to say that I don't really consider it a bad thing, that in fact it is kind of a relief to finally have a better understanding of myself. (I don't know how you feel about it). Her reply was pretty positive. She agreed that I had the symptoms and that if this is what I think I have, I should get tested for it. She did seem to want to emphasize that most people felt the way I do sometimes. I went into more detail in my next email about how it was different than normal feelings.

Over all, we exchanged about half a dozen emails, and it went pretty good. She hasn't brought it up when I've seen her (knowing I prefer to communicate through email).

Do you live with them? You could always leave a letter for them explaining the situation. I'd suggest not saying the word "Asperger's" until after you describe your problems. They may only know of the stereotypes of AS and may make them overreact and overlook the reasons you think you have it. You could list your issues and then say these are all consistent with something called Asperger's syndrome. And then describe what AS is.

Just my $0.02.

Hope it goes well


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Tophat22
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07 Sep 2012, 6:54 pm

Quote:
That helps. What first made you suspect you had Aspergers? Did you meet someone with it? See a show about it? Read an article about it?


I first started suspecting when someone asked why I didn't look them in the eyes when I talked to them. However I started looking into it more after watching a movie about a guy who has Aspergers.

Quote:
I told my mom about my suspicions via email. The first thing I said was why I was doing it by email (I'm not good at talking to people face to face.... she knew that already).


That is a good idea because I am usually not good at talking to people face to face either. I don't think my parents know that though because I usually find it easier to talk to someone I have known for a long time like my family. I am currently residing at a college dorm so doing this by email seems like a good way to do it.

Another problem I forgot to mention is that I am currently undergoing radiation therapy, and I am pretty sure my parents are stressed enough with that. Should I wait about three weeks when it is over to tell them?



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07 Sep 2012, 7:01 pm

Hmmm...

Well, if you are going through radiation therapy (sorry about that), you may consider waiting. Sometimes people make the errant assumption that if one thing is "wrong" with you, then you start seeing all kinds of things "wrong" with you. They may also be very stressed and worried and that might make it harder for them to be receptive.

When you do decide to tell them, you maybe could say that now that you have been away from home for awhile, you have noticed more and more how you are not really like other people and that you felt particularly curious about it when someone commented that you don't make as much eye contact as others. Then when you started looking into that, you learned that it was associated with Aspergers, and in reading about that, you recognized many of the symptoms in yourself. Then I would say something along the lines of "You know, I actually feel kind of good about it (if you do) because now I understand why I have often felt so different from other people my age." Then ask them what they think. If you do view it positively, I would let them know that before you solicit feedback, otherwise they will probably just try to make you feel better and often people do that by minimizing your experiences (even though that is usually not a very good way of making someone feel better).


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Tophat22
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07 Sep 2012, 7:13 pm

Quote:
Sometimes people make the errant assumption that if one thing is "wrong" with you, then you start seeing all kinds of things "wrong" with you.


I can see how people might make that assumption.

Quote:
"You know, I actually feel kind of good about it (if you do) because now I understand why I have often felt so different from other people my age." Then ask them what they think. If you do view it positively, I would let them know that before you solicit feedback, otherwise they will probably just try to make you feel better and often people do that by minimizing your experiences (even though that is usually not a very good way of making someone feel better).


I do view it positively precisely for that reason.

Thank you for your help. I will wait until my radiation is done, and maybe a little longer afterwards in order to get more space between the two incidents, to tell my parents. Thanks again for your guys' help.