AS Male/ People assume or ask if your gay constantly

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SickInDaHead
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11 Sep 2012, 12:30 pm

Once, I was working in a factory and had the pleasure of working alone most of the time.


One day I find a note on my truck, from a woman, who wanted to meet me. That's odd - and rare.

So I did my research and, not being horny (sex is overrated) was objective about this person. She had 2 kids already, two different daddies.

Figuring this to be a learning disability, I simply didn't respond.

She went about telling everybody that I was gay.

What didn't help was that there were other men who were known to be gay and I did not do the obligatory shunning of their aquaintance. I treat everybody the same.


On another note, while I look dangerous for the most part, I am not out to "be a man", nor "be a woman" either. Heck if I was a disembodied brain in a jar hooked up to the internet, I don't think I would feel that much different except for perhaps a need for a goldfish as a pet or something.

Now that I think about it, if I woke up female tomorrow, aside from having some explaining to do ("where did you get the boobs?" or "oh, finally you shaved"), I feel as if my daily concerns and activities would not be that different from the previous day (aside from wondering what happened to Mr Winky since people just don't change sex spontaneously like that - but I don't feel like I would be freaking out).

What I have observed, and this makes me wonder, is that in the NT world, they put a lot of weight into what's between their legs and let that be a huge part of their personality and mindset. Unfortunately, around people like that, as a kid if a boy is not looking to dominate others, he will be picked on. Girls I am not so sure what they do to each other but I hear they can be cruel in other ways.

So I guess the adult version of this, since beating people up in the parking lot at an office or factory just for being different will get you shot, is to say that someone is gay.

So, not "trying to be a man every two seconds" equals: "gay".

Stupid NTs. But hey, no need to point it out. Look at the internet, the greatest communications medium in human history that can connect everybody and break down the walls of propaganda and lies set up by tyrants and oligarchs, and what do people do with it? They look at dirty pictures.



eric76
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11 Sep 2012, 12:41 pm

SickInDaHead wrote:
One day I find a note on my truck, from a woman, who wanted to meet me. That's odd - and rare.

So I did my research and, not being horny (sex is overrated) was objective about this person. She had 2 kids already, two different daddies.

Figuring this to be a learning disability, I simply didn't respond.

She went about telling everybody that I was gay.


I found a note on my windshield once when I lived in Houston near the Johnson Space Center. The note basically said "I Love You" and had hearts drawn on it.

I couldn't figure it out. I had no idea who wrote it or where they were from. Moreover, I had just moved to that area and knew nobody around. Also, I think that my immediate neighbors were all married.

A week or two later I picked it up again puzzling over it and noticed that on the other side was a short message asking me not to park where I had been parking. I had seen the one side and never even looked at the other. My guess is that someone scribbled the note about parking on whatever they could find and didn't realize what was on the other side.



hartzofspace
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11 Sep 2012, 12:48 pm

SickInDaHead wrote:
On another note, while I look dangerous for the most part, I am not out to "be a man", nor "be a woman" either. Heck if I was a disembodied brain in a jar hooked up to the internet, I don't think I would feel that much different except for perhaps a need for a goldfish as a pet or something.

This.
SickInDaHead wrote:
What I have observed, and this makes me wonder, is that in the NT world, they put a lot of weight into what's between their legs and let that be a huge part of their personality and mindset.

Exactly so! I think that it is this very mindset that skews so many things in life. I have been accused of "flirting" just because there was one moment where two minds truly connected, and I was content with that and wanted nothing more. The mind has always been more interesting to me than what someone has between their legs.
SickInDaHead wrote:
Stupid NTs. But hey, no need to point it out. Look at the internet, the greatest communications medium in human history that can connect everybody and break down the walls of propaganda and lies set up by tyrants and oligarchs, and what do people do with it? They look at dirty pictures.

QFT!


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Rapture1982
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12 Sep 2012, 9:05 pm

Yeah, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I never have a girlfriend. I am 30 and have only been in two serious relationships my whole life. Also the whole not trying to exert my manliness every two seconds adds to this perception.



Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
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12 Sep 2012, 9:36 pm

erm, I'm actually gay and people quite often don't know it.

I'm fairly sexually active, even by NT standards, but largely because it's a convenient excuse to cuddle. I don't have much of a sex drive either, compared to most guys I know, but considering this observation is usually made by gay men who know I'm gay, it doesn't really go anywhere haha.

straight people are usually quite happy to assume gay intimacy should never occur in public anyway, so nobody gives me much hassle about it :roll:


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Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2
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12 Sep 2012, 9:38 pm

Rapture1982 wrote:
Yeah, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I never have a girlfriend. I am 30 and have only been in two serious relationships my whole life. Also the whole not trying to exert my manliness every two seconds adds to this perception.


yeah, aspies tend to be less into the chest-thumping BS that straight NT guys do, and to be more intellectual.

my mom actually tried to convince me when I came out that I was just a sensitive intellectual and not really gay. I was like "well thanks, I am..." and left off the "but I also like dick."

so yeah, this goes both ways :p "you're not gay, you're just sweet and socially awkward!"


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rastaking
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12 Sep 2012, 9:41 pm

Several HOTT girls at my school all seemed to like me, possibly thinking I was gay though. I think of myself as Sears, I can give you the love you need but I won't spoil you with it.



Webalina
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12 Sep 2012, 10:16 pm

Colinn wrote:
. I have a family member that does this out of insecurity and seems pretty unbalanced sometimes as a result of years of rushing into these things. So it seems illogical to me to seek out a relationship with anyone that will have me, especially for such petty reasons as validating my sexual preference.


My sister is like this. Ever since she was a small child, she HATED to be alone. Had to have kids over all the time. Now that she's grown, she's the same way with men. She meets a guy -- usually online or in a bar -- sleeps with him almost immediately, they date for a couple of weeks, he dumps her, and with a couple of hours she's already on the computer looking for someone else, and the cycle repeats itself. Don't know what she's looking for -- she was married for a short time to one of these guys, but he turned out to be bipolar and didn't think he needed to take his medicine -- but I hope she finds it soon or she going to get in serious trouble.



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12 Sep 2012, 10:31 pm

LordExiron wrote:
As a gay male, let me add that sometimes we are just asking because we think you're handsome and there's really no way to know if a guy is or isn't without asking. A simple no will get us to leave you alone, but it really hurts when you make it sound like we are disgusting people when all we were trying to do was complement you.


My brother used to get hit on by gay guys all the time. We never could figure out why, but I witnessed it myself. He was never offended by it. Even though he wasn't gay, he considered it a compliment if a guy found him attractive.

I also have a female friend who goes through the same thing. Very butch in appearance, behavior and interests, but she swears she's straight. When I first met her I would have sworn on my life that she was gay, but she swears she's not. She confirmed that I'm not the only one who thinks so, and that lesbians hit on her all the time. I witnessed this once as well. Interesting that since I've learned so much about AS, she was one of the first people that I know that I thought might be -- monotone voice (her nickname is Eeyore), not much expression, stimming issues (she's done some self-harming), plus she's EXTREMELY intelligent. This neutral appearance of hers might be part of it as well.



bruinsy33
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12 Sep 2012, 11:35 pm

eric76 wrote:
From time to time, people assume I'm gay, I guess because I've never been married and rarely date.

I don't worry about it at all. What do I care what other people think? If I did care, I'd do a lot of things much differently like get a haircut every couple of weeks, buy new clothes regularly, iron them occasionally, go to popular bars and restaurants, go fishing and hunting much more often, get a new(er) car, attend weddings and funerals, clean the house, watch popular movies, ... .

Years ago, I used to work with someone who was gay but deep in the closet. He always kept his hair just perfect, wore fashionable clothes, ..., and he was a chick magnet. Go to a local restaurant at lunchtime and it seemed like every girl in her 20s and 30s couldn't keep their eyes off of him. I never really understood that.
I am sure people have wondered if I am gay because I have never been married and rarely date but I could care less what they think.I know the truth.



oftenaloof
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13 Sep 2012, 12:58 am

When I was 19 my mom confronted me and asked if I was gay.
I've always had a very low sex drive. Frankly I just don't care. I have dated and I was married, but divorced 2 years ago. (I left her)

It seems to be a common thing with AS from what I have read.

I am not feminine and in fact I work out and am fairly "macho" I suppose. I am just not in relationships often.



Andy_117
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13 Sep 2012, 1:14 am

I wish people thought I was gay. I am sexually attracted to men! HEY! GUYS!! THINK I'M GAY!!

Y'see, I hang around gay people a lot. And I don't think I give off enough signals for them to think I'm at all attracted to them. It can actually get really frustrating. I mean, look, I'm not going to say I'm great at hitting on people. Cos I'm not. But it can be really odd when people brush me off because they're certain I'm just some straight guy. NOOOO COME BAACK I TOTALLY LIKE DUDES JUST NOOOOOOO

So to answer your question: you're wrong, because I'm autistic and not remotely stereotypically straight or male, and I have never once been asked if I was gay. ...at least, not in the way I would have liked. :?



Kindertotenlieder79
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13 Sep 2012, 11:32 pm

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
erm, I'm actually gay and people quite often don't know it.


Haha, same here. Perhaps we're not effeminate enough for others to realize our orientation?

Ca2MgFe5Si8O22OH2 wrote:
I'm fairly sexually active, even by NT standards, but largely because it's a convenient excuse to cuddle. I don't have much of a sex drive either, compared to most guys I know, but considering this observation is usually made by gay men who know I'm gay, it doesn't really go anywhere haha.:


Now I'm sort-of jealous, because I'm quite inactive, although I don't find many gay men all that attractive.



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13 Sep 2012, 11:44 pm

Nope, never.


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SavageMessiah
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13 Sep 2012, 11:55 pm

Here's another perspective...

The NT World proclaims that men think about sex every 8 seconds. But my thoughts and worries can preclude me from doing this for weeks. My more "more involved time" thinking about sex is done alone without any distractions, and is mainly a function to relieve anxiety.

In person, I've had a low "completion percentage" because of sensory deprivation combined with losing focus. Spontaneity is also non-existent and "planned sessions" are out because I cannot guarantee I will feel up to anything at any time.

Everyone thinks that stuff like this is curable or mendable. But if you can't get your mind on it using any conventional means, then why should we need to worry about the supposed necessity of it 24/7?

And it certainly doesn't give the right for people to decide what orientation you are. However, people must believe whatever they can to validate their own existence.


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14 Sep 2012, 12:27 am

I don't think I ever get thought of as gay or at least nobody has ever told me so. I've had a few gay guys hit on me but I don't know if that was because they thought I was gay or because they were drunk and they thought they would try it on regardless of whether I was gay or not.