Do you even feel that you're a part of something?

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Personally I feel completely independable, I don't even feel as a family member or a student in school and being a part of society is out of the question for me.

Do you prefer this independance, or do you wish you could be "part of something"?

Not really, cuz I look kinda pathetic from other people's point of view, but I can't find a spot that I could feel even a little related.

I've always been rigth between:

On one hand, I've never been part of something, or only for a short time, until I was "singled out", I'm sure you know what I mean. When being part of something,, it's always like a duty to me. As if I have been brainwashed my entire life to understand, that it's the way you are SUPPOSED to be.

On the other hand, I have a very strong need of being alone, and tending MY OWN special interests. When I can decide myself, I spend about 90% or more of my time alone.

I still need social contact, but only with people I know well, and only small amounts at a time.

I just hate smalltalk, and most time "beeing part of something" with NT's is about absolutely nothing, and most of the time also chaotic and without any concrete plans.

To Dizzee: How strong (or weak) are your desire to be with other people ?? And how much at a time? And I mean if YOU could decide yourself...

I used to when I was involved in text based role playing on AOL. It was a big community and back when I started as a teenager everything was so cool. There were so many people and everyone was so nice to everyone. Unfortunately with what I assume to be the economy getting worse, some people growing up and other circumstances the community began to shrink and diminish. Now all that's left are mostly people that aren't so nice anymore. People that are picky or bitter, people that I tend to not fit in with or feel anxious about. Like I don't even feel like I can go into a chat and play with anyone anymore because I fear I'll be rejected.

I don't know if it's really like that or if it's because I have an ASD or what. I just know that people on there seem more realistic on there these days, meaning they show as many emotions outside of the game as people do in real life and that includes the ability to be mean and unkind.

So no I don't really feel a part of anything as I once did, the sad thing is right before all this happened, four years ago I managed to become quite popular with people and I was at the height of my social status in that community without even trying to do so, I was just being myself so it was like a crash and burn. It did a lot for my online confidence but it yanked it away just as quick and left it worse than before.

It's really lonely.

I'm not sure myself, since I never had a decent contact with other people, I have no urge at all, I'm not even interested how it feels being a part of something.

You probably have some special interests... How does it make you feel when you talk about those interests with others? Do you feel any urge to do so? Aspergers often like to talk about their special interests ... at least I do... a lot.

Ohh yes I like talking about special interest's, but I feel that most people feel annoyed when I start talking about it non-stop, feels like it's a one sided conversation. People think that I'm too deep and talk about unnecessary things, sidetracked in other words.

You see!! You DO want to be part of something, but like many (or most?) Aspergers, it' has to be on our conditions. You wan't to show them what you are good at, and what makes you happy. People are getting annoyed all the time, when I talk about my special interests too.

What about finding someone who has the same interest as you?

I'm useless in conversations with several people. I tend to stay with one-on-one conversations. It makes me feel more in control, and makes me feel much more secure.

This is one thing that I really have trouble with. I very rarely feel like I truly "belong" when with friends and family.

I'd like to get into some kind of "team" activity because that kind of setting helps. It was really good when I used to play video games and there were 3 or 4 people per team.

The only competitive "sports" I've been a part of over the past decade was RC racing and target shooting competitions. I felt disconnected with everyone because the only one on my team was me.

Well I guess you're right, but our interest's are very deep and It's too damn hard to find anyone who think's alike, that's the main problem I think.

I used to be part of my high school's debate team. We were inherently unpopular, and a rather small group of misfits with similar ideals. It was the best time of my life because I felt more understood by them than I ever did by my own family. I really miss them and the way we used to hang out together. Now that I'm in College, I might as well be invisible. I go to class, sit through lecture, go home. I have no friends here at school, I don't even know the names of anyone in any of my classes, and last semester even forgot my teacher's name. It's like living in a big city, it's horrible and very lonely. It's like Charlie Brown said once, "I can feel all alone in a crowd of people." The only place I feel any connection anymore is here, among my fellow aspies who have similar experiences and can appreciate the sorts of things I have to deal with because they've been there themselves. Odd as it may sound, I'd give anything to go back to high school.

I know ... same problem here... Right now, I'm into Quantum Mechanics .... Nobody knows anything about it .... or want to. What are your special interests right now ? And how often do they change ?

When I'm in a "forced" social situation, I usually just keep my mouth shot.... thats the only way I know ... unfortunately.

I don't know where you live, but is it a possibility to get an official diagnose? I've never got any, even though it was clearly noticeable when I was 5 years old, and my brother has infantile autism. But I'm getting one soon....

I'm not trying anymore to fit in ..... It never worked anyway.

I've made the discovery that kind people can see you as part of their group even when you may not feel it yourself. If you find this out, you can gain your sense of belonging from it. It works best with a small group or a subgroup within a larger group. But one should be very careful not to get one's self-esteem or feeling of a right to exist based on the opinions of others, or else cruel people can ruin things for you by letting you know they think you don't belong. Also, belonging is okay as long as it doesn't mean you're required to do or say things that make you uncomfortable and as long as belonging doesn't mean being pressured to be more social and stuff (like letting people touch you or having to come around too often or talk too much) than feels okay for you.

I also feel a natural sense of belonging on WP that I've never felt all on my own before. My diagnosis particularly helped in this, but mutual understanding with people here has been the thing to really do it. I fit in because I'm not weird to people here. At last! Even coming out as gay never did this for me. But now I have a community of my own. I know we're also very different from each other and might react very differently face-to-face than the way we do online with each other. But we are online, and that's making this work for me. I'm happy to be here and can spend a lot longer reading and posting than I can socializing with NTs, as long as my fibromyalgia doesn't interfere too much. I don't freak out from overload on WP - just sometimes feel like I've been on the computer too long in general, which means other difficulties are involved.

I feel like I'm a part of something when I talk to my Ohio friend/cousin-in-law, Chris, and also, sometimes, when I post here and somebody replies to me specifically.