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charlulz
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20 Oct 2012, 2:29 pm

I've been in college for about 20 days now and I don't have a single friend yet. It's a small school with about 200 kids, i see everybody else socializing but everyone seems to avoid me. I have tried starting conversations with many people but in the end I end up getting weird looks and sometimes people look frightened and walk away. I already have self esteem issues to begin with and this is only crippling me and I've become extremely depressed. I think it may deal with my appearance, I am pretty ugly and I always look angry. I honestly do not know what to do, I really need friends to talk to..


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redrobin62
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20 Oct 2012, 2:54 pm

My college days were the loneliest for me. And my school had 25,000 students! Anyway, because I was into punk at the time, I started hanging out with punk kids from a local bar. Back in those days you had to be 18 to drink. It's different now. They had numerous clubs on campus but I didn't join any. I'm too avoidant. Yeah, I was suicidal and expressed this to a guidance counselor. It didn't do me much good. The feeling never went away and I thought I wasn't going to make it to 21. In retrospect, I guess I should've really went out of my way to make friends. I don't mean thrusting myself onto people. Maybe I should have joined some clubs, like chess or math or something. It'd be nice to get a second chance. I don't know how I'd fare, though.



Fatal-Noogie
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20 Oct 2012, 3:49 pm

Do you have roommates? That's one way to break into a social circle. If they dress up or go out on Friday or Saturday nights, ask them where and if you can join. That gives you an excuse to be at the parties. If you don't have roommates, ask any classmates who know your name. Nobody has ever snapped at me for asking them what's happening over a weekend. Some tell me it's private, some lie about it, but as far as I can tell, the question seems fair game. The one exception might be if a girl thinks your hitting on her, so I try to say "What are you and your friends doing this week/weekend?" or "What are people doing this weekend?" to make it sound less personal. Once at a party setting, you can listen until you hear a conversation you can contribute to. Beer can help with this (use at your own risk).

What is the school's area or specialization? Are there clubs related to your major you can join? That increases the chances of a mutual topic of conversation. The downside is not much conversation takes place during meetings, because the format and agenda is usually formalized so that someone can record the minutes. However if you make acquaintances there, it means you can talk with them before or after the meetings about interesting things.

Besides, clubs want members. They won't turn people away for superficial looks. And the formalized meetings and declared event times means they won't conspire in secret to avoid the "dweebs" and unpopular people, like so many cliques of friends do.


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Holmesian
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29 Oct 2012, 4:19 pm

It'sy. I've been in for two years and still have no friends. Not a one. Sometimes it sucks, but then I remember: I'm getting good grades because I have nothing to do but study!


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anneurysm
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30 Oct 2012, 1:57 pm

It may not have anything to do with how you look physically, but perhaps you should become more aware of your body language and how you come across to people.

Ask a family member or a trusted friend what you may need to work on in this area, and specifically, how other people may feel if you keep coming across a certain way. For example, if you don't smile a lot, people will not be receptive to you because people tend to respond better to people who appear smiling and happy...and once you realize each thing, work each thing into your behaviors as is so that you'll become more confident when the time comes to approach someone.

Also, look for the shy, quiet kids who are by themselves and not hanging out in a group. They are out there! They may be going through the same lonely feelings as you are and may also be searching for a friend.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term psychiatrists - that I am a highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder

My diagnoses - anxiety disorder, depression and traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (all in remission).

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


japan
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30 Oct 2012, 10:40 pm

Holmesian wrote:
It'sy. I've been in for two years and still have no friends. Not a one. Sometimes it sucks, but then I remember: I'm getting good grades because I have nothing to do but study!


I wish I had appreciated the fact that social isolation makes you focus on studying the first time I tried college. I always realized it but I didn't appreciate it. Now that I'm back at school I look at the fact that no one talks to me as a blessing.



Destidude
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31 Oct 2012, 8:16 am

I'm probably not qualified to advise you on people since I didn't have a wonderful social life myself during University. In the early part of my higher education, I mostly hung out with those I knew from before and who were not at the school. There were some opportunities to sustain school friendships but I didn't pursue them very far, even though I think I should have. In the latter part, I had moved in with a girlfriend (again, not of that school) and that relationship kept me away from University socialization. The good thing about this isolation is that it allowed me to get good grades in a very difficult field of study; had I been distracted by lots of socializing, there probably would have been long-term career consequences.

Whatever sorry situation you find yourself in should be looked at as an opportunity. Isolation afforded me the chance to focus on studies. That said, I do from time-to-time lament not having savored the classic "University experience" although I think my regrets are ultimately rooted in the fact that I turned aside previous opportunities that had presented themselves to me. Had I tried but never had a shot at building a quality social life, I don't think I'd ever look back.



guitarman2010
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02 Nov 2012, 2:08 am

I spent 1 semester in college and didn't make any friends. I also was abusing a number of different substances to deal with anxiety and that didn't help one bit.


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equestriatola
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02 Nov 2012, 4:59 am

I've had this problem, as well. It also gets to the point where I fear the whole building I go to will evacuate and empty upon them seeing me.


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charlulz
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09 Nov 2012, 9:37 pm

Sorry I haven't responded to you all sooner, college has been really busy. I read over these and I took a lot of this into consideration. I have been a little more outgoing (talking to people who seem shy as well, attempting to smile, actually talking instead of not speaking at all) and I have made at least one friend so far, well I guess i could consider him a friend. I'm still getting a lot of people teasing me and it's getting to the point where I can't tell if somebody is teasing me or if they are actually trying to be friendly with me, I feel like I've blown off a few friendships due to this. I've even been getting back into my bad habits such as drinking and smoking..

I am happy to say that due to the quietness of not being social I've been getting a lot of work done in my culinary work and finding internships and what not. Also been finding time to sit down and play some video games as well. It's really hard finding the positives out of all of this, but I'm certain it's out there.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 178 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 26 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie