Are Aspies More Attached To The People They Love?
ColdEyesWarmHeart
Velociraptor
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 477
Location: 51° North
I could have written this. When I fall in love, I fall all the way in... and get badly hurt by the experience to the point it can take months/years to get over someone I never really had anything with in the first place.
I'm the same with friendships. I have very few friends, but those who are my friends stick around for years and we have very strong close bonds. Everyone who knows me says I'd be one of the rare people who mates for life if I ever found the right partner.
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I could have written this. When I fall in love, I fall all the way in... and get badly hurt by the experience to the point it can take months/years to get over someone I never really had anything with in the first place.
I'm the same with friendships. I have very few friends, but those who are my friends stick around for years and we have very strong close bonds. Everyone who knows me says I'd be one of the rare people who mates for life if I ever found the right partner.
This is me. I've never had a girlfriend, but I've definitely experienced this. It can take me months, years to get over someone there wasn't any chance of getting with in the first place.
I can be loyal to a fault, even if the person turns out to be someone who doesn't deserve loyalty.
This is one of the million things I afore about my AS boyfriend. U am not at all clingy but I am cert passionate. He photographs beautiful models all the time and they love him because he doesn't paw at them. I am completely comfortable with it because I know he loves me and only me. I love that I can openly express how much I adore him and he doesn't feel smothered. Just loved. It is a wonderful trait.
ColdEyesWarmHeart
Velociraptor
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 477
Location: 51° North
Oh yes, the loyalty thing. I'm better than I used to be with it, but I gave people second chances, which turn into tenth chances, hundredth chances... to hurt me in exactly the same way as they did the first time.
It's taken me years to get to grips with the sad fact that while I try to be nice, i.e. I never try to hurt others intentionally and don't lie, cheat or use, that not everyone keeps the same rules.
It annoys me as I'm pretty good at spotting patterns usually, and if someone else described their situation to me I'd be quick to say "This isn't a friend. This is a user. Get rid." but I struggle to see it when it is happening to me.
I think that is a trait many people in general have but more so with an Aspie since they like familiarity. when my bf tells me stories about his exes and especially his ex wife I am horrified. I asked him once why he married her. He didn't ask her to marry him she just told him if they were going to buy a house then they were getting married and they went to a lawyers office and signed the papers. Got some lunch then went about their day. He said he figured he had invested a year and a half in it so he might as well just go ahead and do it. It took him a long time to get out of it too. He just put up with the abuse day in and out.
equestriatola
Veteran
Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 133,779
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.
I think so.......... LoriB is right with the familiarity thing.
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If my Aspie husband and Aspie son are any indication, yes, they do fall hard. In my husband's case, he "used up" most of his romantic ideas before we met. The women eventually broke up with him, and he taught himself to not be so clingy over the years. The down side is I get to hear these stories of romantic things he did for other women, but I know he doesn't have the desire to do those things anymore.
My 10-year-old saw a girl on the first day of school last year. He came home and told me she was "stunning." Although they do not have any classes together this year, he still looks for her in the hall and has not found anyone who compares to her. She is a sweet girl, but she does not like him in that way. For now, he seems willing to wait.
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"One lab accident away from being a super villain." Leonard describing Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory.
My 10-year-old saw a girl on the first day of school last year. He came home and told me she was "stunning." Although they do not have any classes together this year, he still looks for her in the hall and has not found anyone who compares to her. She is a sweet girl, but she does not like him in that way. For now, he seems willing to wait.
yeah all the letters I have written as a little boy, cards, poetry, teddy bears, romantic scenery all turned to nothing. It feels like they only see it as manipulation or just never felt that what I felt for them. I had my already small heart broken into millions pieces and unable to get my self to do anything more. Everything feels like work now.
She sounds like a wonderful person. Just wondering, im brand new here, so hello , and after reading your post i was wondering, are you an aspie, or autistic? and does she know? because you say she thinks you are normal and treats you that way...
And in answer to this thread, oh YES, I get super attached to someone I have a crush on or go out with and I can't even bear the thought that it could possibly end.
interesting, so you get super attached, but you want to live on your own?
No offense, but your subject line is [unintentionally] a bit misleading. There's a difference between "attachment" and "obsession." I get attached, but not obsessed.
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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...
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