How to tell a guy you are not interested in him

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lease29
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01 Nov 2012, 4:38 am

How do you tell a guy you are not interested in dating him? I have a guy I know who I see at one of my clubs I attend on a regular basis and I can tell he is interested in me. Most times he will give me a lift home and he gets close to me and has even kissed me one time. We have good conversations and he is witty, charming and we get along well. I would go as far as to say that he flirts with me which I don't pick up easily. The thing is I am not interested in him and he is married anyway. Even if he wasn't married I am not attracted to him and wouldn't consider dating him. I know boundaries and would never consider getting involved with a married man.
How do I go about letting him know I am not interested in him?



izzeme
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01 Nov 2012, 6:46 am

i recommend you being straightforward
more often then not, neurotypical men kind of expect women to play "hard to get"; that is, pretending to not be interested while they actually are.

a statement along the lines of "i get the feeling you are attracted to me, but i am not interested, so you can stop trying" should get the message trough



Stargazer43
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01 Nov 2012, 7:01 am

Easy! Just say "I'm not interested in you"



mark99
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01 Nov 2012, 7:48 am

If he is married and his flirting with you has gone as far as kissing you then I would stay away from him.



ShamelessGit
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01 Nov 2012, 7:58 am

Ya I agree with these people. The only good way to reject a man is to be explicit. And it's weird that he's going after you if he's already married.



thewhitrbbit
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01 Nov 2012, 8:35 am

Ok, so I'm going to call you out on something. Stop accepting rides from him. It's not helping your case.

You need to just tell him your not interested. I find women go to amazing lengths to communicate their disinterest, without ever actually saying they are not interested.



benr3600
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01 Nov 2012, 8:39 am

Thanks to the futility of the dating process, if you are not interested in a man, the only thing you can really do is be completely assertive, to the brink of being threatening, to let him know no as in N-O. Do not accept rides because you think it is the nice thing to do, get a ride with anybody; a cab, even, and he will get the hint.



Mindslave
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01 Nov 2012, 9:44 am

I would say that the next time it comes up, make it clear that A) you are not interested in him and B) you enjoy his company and want to remain in contact. If you bring it up out of the blue, he won't understand. So next time he gets close to you, ask him why he is getting so close...I don't know exactly how to ask it. It has to come from you. But as long as you say you aren't interested and you enjoy his company anyway, that should do it.



Kezzstar
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01 Nov 2012, 2:20 pm

This happens to me all the time. It wouldn't be so bad, but I am completely smitten with someone right now.

I try to be polite, but if they start making advances I back right off and start ignoring them until they get the idea that I'm not interested. I feel bad, because even though I've never been rejected I bet rejection sucks, but I'm not going to enter a relationship with someone just because they like me even though my heart is elsewhere. It's just not fair on anyone.


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MXH
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01 Nov 2012, 2:55 pm

say it up front. Dont hide anything. Otherwise you cant expect hed get the message. I feel a lot of the female complaints about men would be avoided if women were more direct



Janissy
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01 Nov 2012, 5:49 pm

lease29 wrote:
How do you tell a guy you are not interested in dating him? I have a guy I know who I see at one of my clubs I attend on a regular basis and I can tell he is interested in me. Most times he will give me a lift home and he gets close to me and has even kissed me one time. We have good conversations and he is witty, charming and we get along well. I would go as far as to say that he flirts with me which I don't pick up easily. The thing is I am not interested in him and he is married anyway. Even if he wasn't married I am not attracted to him and wouldn't consider dating him. I know boundaries and would never consider getting involved with a married man.
How do I go about letting him know I am not interested in him?


You do it by no longer accepting rides home from him. As long as you keep accepting those rides, he will keep thinking he has a chance to cheat on his wife with you.



lease29
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02 Nov 2012, 3:34 am

Thanks for your replies to my post. I am going to meet up with the man in question and just tell him straight that I am not interested in him and that I won't be accepting rides from him again. There should be no hard feelings but I have noticed very recently that he has taken a liking to me so will set him straight.