"Call back later when you have something to talk about.

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Mirror
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16 Dec 2006, 10:03 pm

All right! I have been talking to this friend of mine and evertime I call him his busy and tells me to call back later on that day or the morning.

So I do and when he has some free time he then asks what I called for. And I am stumped because I just wanted to see how he was doing.

In short what he ment was to say "call back leter when you have something to talk about" And I agreed with him because I didn't know what to talk about to begin with.

SO!! :D

What are some good conversational pices!? :o

I"m trying to avoid closed ended question because that is all I seem to come up with. And I assume it's just our forte eh!? :lol:

Zanks :)


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shadexiii
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16 Dec 2006, 10:22 pm

Do you call with some subject of conversation on your mind, or just to call? If you just want to talk with him and don't have anything to talk about ahead of time, he may be irritated for that reason. At least in my own experiences, some guys just don't talk for the sake of talking, and can act annoyed if someone "makes" them do that. If that's always his response, or if he's busy more often than not, well, he may not really want to talk with you. Its also possible he just doesn't like talking on the phone (be it to save minutes, or in general.) It may be an issue of him not wanting to talk rather than an issue of you "not having anything to talk about."

If that's not the case, just ask about something recent that's happened. Something he's interested in would obviously be the "best" choice. Like something dumb or silly that happened recently when you were around each other, or class, or something like that. As long as it isn't something clearly empty, like "How about them (insert sports team)" it should be better than nothing, and could even work well. If nothing works, well, it could be related to what I was talking about above. He may simply not want to talk to you. Not a positive outcome, but if that's the case you won't be stuck wasting your time trying to talk to him.



Last edited by shadexiii on 16 Dec 2006, 11:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Corvus
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16 Dec 2006, 10:41 pm

If he is anything like this guy (aka me), I hate the phone. So, people better have something to say



Mirror
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16 Dec 2006, 11:31 pm

Yeah, In general, I really don't like talking on the phone. And I hate to initale a phone call and he allways says. "Call back later today."Or "Call back in the morning." So I call back later like he says. It's just now I understand what he ment because he had to tell me flat out. :lol:

The thing is, it was just a casual "how you doing. What have you been up to?" kind of call that that I was hopeing would develope into some actual conversationing. But It has been postpone and draged out to the point that there was no reason to ask that question any more. :lol:

That's why I prefere to talk in person anyway.
But then when I do have something to say I would tell him in person and it would probably take only 5 minutes to get an answer and now we have like and hour to kill in awkward silence.


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17 Dec 2006, 2:53 am

Hmm, a phone call to basically do small talk? I would've guessed that most Aspies would have an aversion to such a thing, unless you had feelings for him and just wanted to be in contact with him.

Don't contrive a conversation, especially if he doesn't like it.


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Mirror
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17 Dec 2006, 4:39 am

Yes, I very much like him so. :oops: :)

I guess I just wanted to talk to him because I just wanted to talk to him and to sincerely hear how he was doing.

I can feel myself getting attached allready...So I'm trying to limit my calls now for fear I might annoy him.

I am not fazed that much on small talk because I see it as a kind of ritual in way. You do this and this would happen and it could lead to this. I understand it leads to deeper, more gratifying conversations eventualy. Though, if those deep conversations take place on the phone it doesn't feel real to me. That's why I would invite him somewhere and just see if I could find a way to have a deep conversation then. Though I become really shy and awkard and everything turns to poop! :evil:


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Stinkypuppy
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17 Dec 2006, 3:11 pm

Mirror wrote:
Yes, I very much like him so. :oops: :)

I figured as much, hehe! 8) Nothing wrong with that, but as you could guess, you'll have to be careful. We with AS can be at first very clingy to those people we really like, and that usually creeps people out, or they think that we are violating their personal space, and they just need to get away from us for a while. If he's the kind of guy who's "all business, no frills and nonsense and extra crap," then if you want to ask how he's doing, then it's probably best to be direct and ask how he's doing. If he's busy, take that at its face value and don't bug him unnecessarily; do what you came to do, and then leave it at that. Otherwise you'll antagonize him and your friendship with him will get messed up.

Quote:
I am not fazed that much on small talk because I see it as a kind of ritual in way. You do this and this would happen and it could lead to this. I understand it leads to deeper, more gratifying conversations eventualy. Though, if those deep conversations take place on the phone it doesn't feel real to me. That's why I would invite him somewhere and just see if I could find a way to have a deep conversation then. Though I become really shy and awkard and everything turns to poop! :evil:

I understand what you mean here. I had to practice my small talk skills over a period of 1-2 years, and I've finally gotten skilled enough to small talk my way through a conversation for 2-3 hours if I really had to (even though I'd feel like dying at the end of it!). But whenever I small talk, it is typically difficult for me to try to steer the conversation into any particular direction, especially into deeper, more profound topics. I typically have a lot more success with starting and maintaining a profound conversation if somebody brings up the topic directly (e.g. "I have a problem going on, and here's the story"), which is a totally different approach from starting a small talk conversation and then hoping that it will evolve into something else. Your friend may not have the time or patience to wait for the conversation to "evolve," thus suggesting stuff like "call me back when you want to say something."


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Mirror
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17 Dec 2006, 4:53 pm

Stinkypuppy wrote:
Mirror wrote:
Yes, I very much like him so. :oops: :)

I figured as much, hehe! 8) Nothing wrong with that, but as you could guess, you'll have to be careful. We with AS can be at first very clingy to those people we really like, and that usually creeps people out, or they think that we are violating their personal space, and they just need to get away from us for a while. If he's the kind of guy who's "all business, no frills and nonsense and extra crap," then if you want to ask how he's doing, then it's probably best to be direct and ask how he's doing. If he's busy, take that at its face value and don't bug him unnecessarily; do what you came to do, and then leave it at that. Otherwise you'll antagonize him and your friendship with him will get messed up.

Quote:
I am not fazed that much on small talk because I see it as a kind of ritual in way. You do this and this would happen and it could lead to this. I understand it leads to deeper, more gratifying conversations eventualy. Though, if those deep conversations take place on the phone it doesn't feel real to me. That's why I would invite him somewhere and just see if I could find a way to have a deep conversation then. Though I become really shy and awkard and everything turns to poop! :evil:

I understand what you mean here. I had to practice my small talk skills over a period of 1-2 years, and I've finally gotten skilled enough to small talk my way through a conversation for 2-3 hours if I really had to (even though I'd feel like dying at the end of it!). But whenever I small talk, it is typically difficult for me to try to steer the conversation into any particular direction, especially into deeper, more profound topics. I typically have a lot more success with starting and maintaining a profound conversation if somebody brings up the topic directly (e.g. "I have a problem going on, and here's the story"), which is a totally different approach from starting a small talk conversation and then hoping that it will evolve into something else. Your friend may not have the time or patience to wait for the conversation to "evolve," thus suggesting stuff like "call me back when you want to say something."


Thanks!! :D I couldn't have thought of this better myself!! :D

When it comes to the small talk It just ends up as an awkward silences at the end and I don't know what to say to fill it up that would lead to a good topic. And in that silence I here "call me later on today ok?". But at least he dosn't say it in a bad tone of voice. But i'm wondering how long that patience is going to last. :lol: So I'll ease up on the calling-for-what-seems-to-be-for-no-reason-but-for-the-sake-of-hearing-you-talk-and-posably-get-a-conversation-going-but-obviously-i'm-not-that-skilled-in-what-i'm-trying-to-do calls. :lol:

But I know I could feel myself begining to feel the 'wuv' for him. So i'm trying to control that emotion. Cause I don't know if he would accept my cuddling,snuggling,paddling behind him everywhere, copying everything he does,wrestling,laying next to him, 'wuv' conection stuff with out having it lead to something sexual or not have it creep the crap out of him.

Upon further thought: no..no, I don't think that would be possible.

So I think I better keep things low and not show my surfacing clingyness by calling him so much.8)


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