Anyone cheated on someone they were with?

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BanjoGirl
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17 Nov 2012, 6:22 pm

Fnord wrote:
aspiesandra27 wrote:
Fnord, those are extreme behaviours. If someone suggested moving in after 2 or 3 dates, I would run, until I couldn't stop.

I moved


Ok you moved, but that's not common when you dated only 2 or 3 times. That's crazy and risky.


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Fnord
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17 Nov 2012, 6:31 pm

BanjoGirl wrote:
Fnord wrote:
aspiesandra27 wrote:
Fnord, those are extreme behaviours. If someone suggested moving in after 2 or 3 dates, I would run, until I couldn't stop.
I moved
Ok you moved, but that's not common when you dated only 2 or 3 times. That's crazy and risky.

"Crazy" is the right word. I was going to move to another state anyway, so it all worked out. That was in the late 1970s.


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17 Nov 2012, 7:01 pm

I was cheated on, a lot, by the first girl I ever loved. It absolutely devastated me.

The whole subject still bothers me, so much so that I get an unpleasant feeling in my chest just hearing about other people being cheated on.

I've never cheated, and never would. I couldn't do that to someone I claimed to love.

I've been the guy someone's cheated with once. Even just that, despite being a messed up turn-on, made me feel like crap about myself.

If I ever felt like I just had to bang someone new (which doesn't sound like me anyway), I'd end the relationship and let my partner out with her dignity intact, rather than making a fool of her for the sake of maintaining a relationship that is clearly already in the shitter.



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18 Nov 2012, 3:03 am

no, I haven't done it, but I have thought about it
I have been cheated on.



aspiesandra27
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18 Nov 2012, 4:15 am

Stalk, why would you do it? I mean, you said you thought about it. Was that because your relationship was bad, or simply temptation?



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18 Nov 2012, 5:07 am

aspiesandra27 wrote:
Stalk, why would you do it? I mean, you said you thought about it. Was that because your relationship was bad, or simply temptation?

I thought about it because I lost attraction back home, so that would be, lust or temptation, just to get it. I didn't go through with it because it doesn't feel right and then I would have to keep track of more lies. The guilt feeling would be a dead give away to my partner at the time.



aspiesandra27
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18 Nov 2012, 5:08 am

I see. It makes sense. Did that relationship end? May I ask how it ended?



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18 Nov 2012, 5:19 am

Yes it ended, she triggered a meltdown and I asked her to move out. The end was sudden, but we since had time to discuss and go over things. We are at least friends now. But I know she wants more, I cannot. I haven't had any romantic relations since then.



aspiesandra27
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18 Nov 2012, 5:26 am

That's what happened with my marriage. I moved countries, believe it or not. But we too are friends. I believe he would take me back anytime, but I have told him that will NEVER happen because I am not attracted to him anymore, and because he irritates me so much, living together was always wrong.

Did you still fee attracted to her? With me it was never going to be salvageable because I felt nothing but disgust for him (not his fault).



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18 Nov 2012, 5:33 am

No, I don't feel attracted to her, it hurts to write it, because she says other men finds her attractive, so she must be attractive. I just don't see her that way and haven't for a long time. I do find other women attractive, just not her. When I stopped feeling emotionally romantic towards her, that is when I decided to end it.



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18 Nov 2012, 5:47 am

I still wonder how I ever did. I can only assume it's chemistry, that is later imbalanced, by new and unexpected reactions?



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18 Nov 2012, 9:30 am

Maybe, because of the power you had in the relationship, and you didn't know what to do with it? Looking for someone else to share it with that could understand or give you the emotional support you needed/wanted. Felt you didn't do anything right in the eyes of your husband and this other person didn't push you to do anything your husband wanted you to do. Something like that?



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18 Nov 2012, 9:40 am

Sounds about right Stalk. The nagging was too much. That's what I remember the most. Followed by all the social gatherings he wanted me to attend, when all I wanted was to be alone.



ladystardust
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18 Nov 2012, 10:53 am

Fnord wrote:
It isn't "cheating" unless you're married; thus, my answer is "No".


What. No. Marriage is not the ultimate commitment, nor the only sign of monogamy. You can have people in open marriages and you can have people who are dating only each other. It depends on what the people in question negotiate as the optimal state for their relationship. Some people never get married and stay in a relationship for the rest of their lives but that doesn't make them any less committed than the people who met only six months ago and rushed into marriage.

Cheating is not necessarily sleeping with people other than your partner (or kissing or flirting or whatever you deem an unfaithful act to be). Cheating is doing those things without your partner's consent, however far into a relationship you may be.



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18 Nov 2012, 11:02 am

ladystardust wrote:
Cheating is not necessarily sleeping with people other than your partner (or kissing or flirting or whatever you deem an unfaithful act to be). Cheating is doing those things without your partner's consent, however far into a relationship you may be.

Translation: Cheating is when you do anything without someone else's expressed permission, because being in a relationship of any kind is all about having control over someone else's thoughts, words, and actions.


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ladystardust
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18 Nov 2012, 11:08 am

Fnord wrote:
ladystardust wrote:
Cheating is not necessarily sleeping with people other than your partner (or kissing or flirting or whatever you deem an unfaithful act to be). Cheating is doing those things without your partner's consent, however far into a relationship you may be.

Translation: Cheating is when you do anything without someone else's expressed permission, because being in a relationship of any kind is all about having control over someone else's thoughts, words, and actions.


Well, yes, I don't see too much semantic difference between 'consent' and 'permission'... I do disagree that being in a relationship is equal to controlling your partner's behaviour, though. I see a positive relationship as being more about compromise, finding the middle ground where you're both as happy as possible.