Dr Phil: Mother who hates her autistic daughter



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MindBlind
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17 Nov 2012, 12:49 pm

I can't stand this woman. She claims that she's tried everything to help her daughter, but doesn't even understand what autism is and thinks her daughter is being "mean" to her when her daughter is probably having a meltdown. Sure, she's struggling and sure, she's desperate but it's so hard to feel sympathy for her when she says that hates her daughter to her face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAtJZ-9l2tI



Surfman
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17 Nov 2012, 1:05 pm

TV is a conditioning vehicle
The show [and this thread]
is more about discrimination and autistics

It is confirming to all
'autistics are unlikable'
And reiterating and increasing
the divide
Between the sexes

oops sorry different discrimination...



Fnord
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17 Nov 2012, 1:09 pm

The mom's favorite dolly is broken; she can't get it fixed, and she can't throw it away. Thus, the hatred.


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MjrMajorMajor
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17 Nov 2012, 1:10 pm

I watched that one. I think the mother ended up going into counseling, so all for the good. The autistic daughter was almost a side note to the fact that the mom thought of her family as a reflection of her image over anything else.



PTSmorrow
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17 Nov 2012, 1:40 pm

People also hate non--autistic children and the other way around.



SpiritBlooms
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17 Nov 2012, 1:51 pm

Some parents hate their non-autistic or non-disabled children.

It's often a problem with the parent not thinking through what parenthood is before becoming a parent. It's not all cuteness and dealing with a miniature version of oneself. It's dealing with another personality with different needs, strengths, weaknesses. It's dealing with all the hardships that come with life, and the special vulnerability of a young life.

Some people aren't capable of dealing with being parents, and shouldn't have children at all, because their lives are all about themselves, no one else. Or they're dealing with issues themselves and don't have feelings, thoughts or energy to spare for another.

It's possible the mother is also autistic or has some other problem. She clearly can't or won't cope with parenting this child. I feel for the child, who needs a parent - and apparently doesn't really have one.



Surfman
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17 Nov 2012, 1:53 pm

Its not just autistics as unlovable
that get highlighted on that TV show
We get treated the same as everyone else



MindBlind
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17 Nov 2012, 2:30 pm

Surfman wrote:
Its not just autistics as unlovable
that get highlighted on that TV show
We get treated the same as everyone else


Never did I suggest that this is unique to autistic people.

What is different. however, is society's reaction to this sort of parenting. Gladly, Dr Phil condemned this woman, but it seems that there is a ridiculous amount of sympathy and understanding towards people like Karen McCarron (for example) because of this notion that they killed their child because "they just had enough". Plenty of parents of non-disabled children "just had enough" and we never reduce their prison sentences for that, nor do we retract our disgust towards them. We just have this idea in our heads that autism is just such a burdensome thing that when somebody kills their autistic child, it's because autism is such a horrible thing and that everyone would feel this way.

Nobody ever seems to blame the parents, but rather their "situation" and their child's autism. Bullshit. That's why I uploaded this because it felt so good for somebody on mainstream american media to say exactly how I'm feeling towards these women.



MindBlind
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17 Nov 2012, 2:43 pm

Surfman wrote:
Its not just autistics as unlovable
that get highlighted on that TV show
We get treated the same as everyone else


Never did I suggest that this is unique to autistic people.

What is different. however, is society's reaction to this sort of parenting. Gladly, Dr Phil condemned this woman, but it seems that there is a ridiculous amount of sympathy and understanding towards people like Karen McCarron (for example) because of this notion that they killed their child because "they just had enough". Plenty of parents of non-disabled children "just had enough" and we never reduce their prison sentences for that, nor do we retract our disgust towards them. We just have this idea in our heads that autism is just such a burdensome thing that when somebody kills their autistic child, it's because autism is such a horrible thing and that everyone would feel this way.

Nobody ever seems to blame the parents, but rather their "situation" and their child's autism. Bullshit. That's why I uploaded this because it felt so good for somebody on mainstream american media to say exactly how I'm feeling towards these women.



NewDawn
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17 Nov 2012, 3:05 pm

The woman clearly has a narcisistic personality disorder, and probably loves the attention she's getting by being on the Dr. Phil show, even if that means shedding crocodile tears, for that is what they are. I don't buy the drama queen behaviour of this woman for an instant and I don't feel sorry for her. Such overt, manipulative displays of emotion turns me off.

Such mothers always find something wrong with their children (and everybody else for that matter). There are plenty of parents with children who need extra care and attention for whatever reason. The vast majority doesn't use that as an excuse to beat up their kids.



itry2bpositive
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17 Nov 2012, 3:15 pm

Thank you. I think that show was very disturbing but it describes my family.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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17 Nov 2012, 3:22 pm

Watching the first ten minutes (hard to watch):

This mother does not really understand autism, has had several different diagnoses.

And, if we could finance a networking/resources center, where this mother could get something as simple as a mother's day out, some assistance with care taking and tutoring where she didn't have to be the only person caretaking presumably all the time, might make a world of difference.



SpiritBlooms
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17 Nov 2012, 7:00 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
And, if we could finance a networking/resources center, where this mother could get something as simple as a mother's day out, some assistance with care taking and tutoring where she didn't have to be the only person caretaking presumably all the time, might make a world of difference.
Yes! Whether one blames her or not, this would make a world of difference for a lot of people.



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17 Nov 2012, 8:30 pm

SpiritBlooms wrote:
Some parents hate their non-autistic or non-disabled children.

It's often a problem with the parent not thinking through what parenthood is before becoming a parent. It's not all cuteness and dealing with a miniature version of oneself. It's dealing with another personality with different needs, strengths, weaknesses. It's dealing with all the hardships that come with life, and the special vulnerability of a young life.

Some people aren't capable of dealing with being parents, and shouldn't have children at all, because their lives are all about themselves, no one else. Or they're dealing with issues themselves and don't have feelings, thoughts or energy to spare for another.

It's possible the mother is also autistic or has some other problem. She clearly can't or won't cope with parenting this child. I feel for the child, who needs a parent - and apparently doesn't really have one.


The media narrative is different for abled children, however.

Parents who hate their disabled children don't get enough support, must be depressed, overworked, etc. People will line up to make excuses for them. They do it on this forum, for that matter.

Parents who hate their abled children are pathologically evil, however, and deserve every bad thing that could possibly happen to them.



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17 Nov 2012, 10:40 pm

My mum wanted a trophy daughter for a firstborn and she ended up with Mick Avory Jr. I can see why she'd be disappointed. She can't take it out on me anymore. She won't be telling me to live in the present or be more feminine anymore, because I stood up for what I believe in.


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