Has anyone had experience with dating an AS-spectrum person?

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Have you ever been dumped by someone on the AS-spectrum?
Yes, and I'm NT. 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Yes, and I'm NT. 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
No, but then I haven't really dated either. 29%  29%  [ 32 ]
No, but then I haven't really dated either. 29%  29%  [ 32 ]
Yes, and I'm on the AS-spectrum. 15%  15%  [ 16 ]
Yes, and I'm on the AS-spectrum. 15%  15%  [ 16 ]
No, and I'm NT. (just for completeness!) 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
No, and I'm NT. (just for completeness!) 5%  5%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 110

Penelope_asparagus
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15 Mar 2005, 4:51 pm

I'm just curious. Ok, I have my reasons: Common wisdom here says that aspies would like to date other aspies. I'm wondering if this has actually worked out in the past. Feel free to elaborate!



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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15 Mar 2005, 8:00 pm

Never dated anyone on the autism spectrum, back when I was young and ended up dating I didn't know much about autism or even knew that I was on the autism spectrum.



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15 Mar 2005, 8:04 pm

I dumped all my boyfriends. I think they were all NTs, maybe NTs with a few problems. I think it was my perfectionism, people said I was cruel, but I couldn't see thru their 'uncaring' mask, so I thought they didn't care and ended the relationships. When I met them years later they said they did care!

Oh well, don't be so 'cool' about it then!



hale_bopp
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16 Mar 2005, 12:17 am

I can relate to what post person said.

I have always been the one to break off relationships/ and things that would have resulted in a relationship.

These have all been NT's.

I don't like to hurt peoples feelings.

I am more careful about getting into relationships nowdays, and am happier single.

Sometime in my life I may want to date an aspie, or a very laid back NT.

I'm quite happy at the moment being single.



Last edited by hale_bopp on 17 Mar 2005, 3:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

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16 Mar 2005, 3:02 pm

my relationship with an aspie was one of the worst experiences of my life, for several reasons, and one of them WAS connected to his AS. i'm not saying that all AS-AS relationships are like this, btw, just that there is quite a lot of sympathy for the "AS-AS is best" theory, and i (obviously) don't subscribe to that.

people are individuals, and saying that AS-AS is best is like saying that fair haired people should marry other fair haired people. maybe they get on, maybe they don't.

my current partner is NT, and is making a huge effort to understand and support me and my AS (even though i know it drives him bananas, sometimes). in fact, he's a total empath. we think we're complementary, as i'm more logical than he by miles, and he can tell me what it is i'm feeling just by talking/listening to me, which is handy.

different strokes for different folks.



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17 Mar 2005, 1:50 pm

penelope_asparagus wrote:
Ah, now can you tell me *why*? If not on forum, a PM would be fine.

vetivert wrote:
yes - but the details are reasonably grim, and probably belong in the mature forum. perhaps dunc or another mod could split this thread and shift it to the mature forum, as it might be useful for others to read as well as yourself, penelope-asparagus.

thoughts, people?

Topic split as requested morgvis.... :oops:


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TheWhale
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17 Mar 2005, 6:36 pm

I have been married twice to an AS woman and have it myself. It has been a real roller coaster for over eleven years and still is one. It makes me think that maybe the AS personality has a better match with somebody else with issues but not necessarily AS issues.

Jerry Newport



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17 Mar 2005, 8:27 pm

Just my $.02, but I think it really depends on the individuals involved. Depending on the people, I think an AS/AS relationship is best for some people, and for other people an AS/NT or AS/Other Disorder relationship might be best.



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18 Mar 2005, 4:07 am

duncvis wrote:
Topic split as requested morgvis.... :oops:


thanks dunc. but why are you blushing?

and...erm... where's it gone, exactly...?



duncvis
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18 Mar 2005, 5:28 am

vetivert wrote:
thanks dunc. but why are you blushing?

cos there isn't a suitable emoticon for 'sheepishly doing as asked' :P
vetivert wrote:
and...erm... where's it gone, exactly...?

I shifted the split to the mature forum as you suggested.... *sigh*

Dunc


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aspergian_mutant
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18 Mar 2005, 10:57 am

Notice: most that responded to this thread that spoke of their experiences in being with another aspie, was female.



Penelope_asparagus
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18 Mar 2005, 1:35 pm

aspergian_mutant wrote:
Notice: most that responded to this thread that spoke of their experiences in being with another aspie, was female.


Ah, I am indeed female, but another friend of mine was recently dumped by one of the few people I know that is formally diagnosed with (Well, if its not AS, its one that is very very close). Oh, and there it was a male being dumped by the aspie.



Jetson
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18 Mar 2005, 3:26 pm

The poll is missing an option: "No, because I've never dated an Aspie". I've dated more than a few NT people but have never been dumped on account of my aspie-ness (that I know of).



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19 Mar 2005, 12:52 am

One of the only reasons why I might specifically want an AS-AS relationship is I haven't met an NT girl in years who I didn't think would see her self as setting for less than she felt she could get (if she ended up with me) and feeling like the charity of the relationship would really bug me. IMO the only way I can prevent that is by finding a girl who's minds rigged in a way to where her personality coinsides with mine enough to where she IS doing better for herself even in her own opinion by dating me rather than feeling like "this guy over here likes me, he's a total GQ, plays football for ----- college, he knows some bigshots arrount town, his parents are rich, he goes out and parties 3 or 4 days a week... the guy I'm dating now is nice but he's a flaming dork. He has speech problems, keeps listening to that stupid dark rave stuff, won't watch American Idol with my friends, and looks like some stupid disney character (I thought it was cute, now it's just hillariously pathetic). None of my friends think he's cool enough for me, all my friends tried to talk me out of dating him in the first place, so why am I with him?".

Just from my experience, I've kinda noticed that unless I have the urge to indignify myself by asking out maybe 60 women untill I get a yes and make a complete floormat out of my dignity (I was almost like that in highschool and still burn with regret everytime I think about it) then its probably about the only way I'm gonna find someone. I know AS insures likeness of personality about as much as diabetes but on the other hand I feel like it's a necessary starting point for places to look, especially in the sense that a lot of the almost subliminal things which I don't do (what really bugs NT women about me IMO) is aspie in nature. NT women a lot of times will think I'm cute but that magic AS deviation of personality has em so curt with me even a week later that I get the feeling I really slammed their hopes. Even if I met an NT girl with a very similar personality, I still get the impression that the opportunist in her would wreck it (if in fact pettiness didn't overpower on first glance). If it sounds like bad attitude or negativity on my part causing the problems...I really wish that's what it was - that at least would be something I have some control over, unlike having a personality that's just magically not ok no matter what I do.



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10 May 2005, 8:43 am

What if one of the AS's get obessed and the other is just interested? that happened to me. This girl (whom I am guessing had AS) was a bit obessed with me and I wanted to just get to know her a bit better. We didn't fight or anything, but after just one outing we went our ways



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10 May 2005, 11:16 am

heh. As i said in other topics both my Ex-s were AS. Still are, i hope :P

And its hard work. Simply because feelings are more complex w AS in many cases.......


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