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DestinyB24
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05 Dec 2012, 3:59 pm

Ok. So there's this guy that I have been hanging out with for quite awhile. We knew eachother in middle school, but he moved away. He recently came back, and we started hanging out and getting to know eachother again.

Needless to say, I really like this guy. He's sweet, cute, charming, and altogether a super awesome guy. We text back and forth a lot, and see eachother whenever we can. I've told him that I like him, and he's said the same to me. He told one of his friends that he really likes me and could picture me as being his girlfriend.

But here's the problem.. In about 5 months, he's moving to a completely different state, almost 800 miles away. With that being said, he can only see us as being 'best friends.' I guess the point I'm trying to make is that either way, whether we're best friends, or in a relationship, my heart is going to be broken when he moves.

Alright. Now here's a follow-up question for anyone that would like to answer..
-- Should I take my chances and be in a relationship with him, even though he is going to be moving away? Or should I just stay friends with him, to save a little heartbreak..?

P.S. If none of this makes sense, or you don't follow what I'm trying to say or ask, feel free to ask, and I'll try to clear up any questions. (:

Thanks everyone for your time!!


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theWanderer
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05 Dec 2012, 8:54 pm

I speak from experience. Save yourself the extra heartbreak. A relationship you know is going nowhere is an excellent way to get hurt. It will be hard enough to have a close friend move away, so why make it worse?


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MrXxx
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06 Dec 2012, 10:26 am

I think you already know the answer. You may think you need validation of what you already know, but you don't. Not really.

You're conflicted between the way things are, and the way you wish they were.

You already know which will actually be the reality. Live with the reality, not the imaginary dream. You'll be much happier.

You know what to do.


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Geekonychus
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06 Dec 2012, 10:54 am

I may be the minority here but I'm of the opinion that it's better to have loved and lost.......If I was in your shoes I would always wonder what could have been.



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06 Dec 2012, 10:55 am

Forget him. You deserve better.


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MrXxx
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06 Dec 2012, 11:02 am

Geekonychus wrote:
better to have loved and lost....


IMO, that's romantic drivel.


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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...


Fnord
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06 Dec 2012, 11:28 am

MrXxx wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
better to have loved and lost....
IMO, that's romantic drivel.

Whoever first said, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all", has never had to endure the experience of losing his most dearest love.

Alfred Lord Tennyson, you say?

June 13, 1950: Tennyson marries Emily Sellwood, whom he had known since childhood. After his death in 1892, Lady Tennyson devotes herself to helping her son write the authorized biography of her late husband.

Nailed it.


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06 Dec 2012, 11:53 am

DestinyB24 wrote:
He told one of his friends that he really likes me and could picture me as being his girlfriend.


DestinyB24 wrote:
he can only see us as being 'best friends.'

i'm not sure if i am misunderstanding or if he is giving mixed signals.

i think the most likely scenario is that you will have a whirlwind romance, you'll fall more deeply in love with him, and he'll move away from you. then what? i think you might be underestimating how much worse your sadness and heartbreak can get. he might want to protect you from that.

perhaps what he is really saying is, "hey it could be cool to hang out for a bit before i leave, but let's not get heavy because when i move away i am really starting a new life and you will not feature heavily in it... no matter what."

there may be a lingering hope in your heart that circumstances could change and maybe you could reunite. and that could actually happen! but unless you are frankly honest with yourself about your own hopes and intentions... this could be a bad idea.


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MrXxx
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06 Dec 2012, 12:10 pm

Fnord wrote:
MrXxx wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
better to have loved and lost....
IMO, that's romantic drivel.

Whoever first said, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all", has never had to endure the experience of losing his most dearest love.

Alfred Lord Tennyson, you say?

June 13, 1950: Tennyson marries Emily Sellwood, whom he had known since childhood. After his death in 1892, Lady Tennyson devotes herself to helping her son write the authorized biography of her late husband.

Nailed it.


1850 you mean.

Exactly. The poem was inspired by the death of Tennyson's sister's fiance, not by the loss of a romantic love of his own.

One wonders if his sister felt the sentiment was really true. It was probably more likely Tennyson's feeble attempt to put some kind of positive light on a sad situation out of understandable concern for his sister. People say all kinds of rather untrue things they think may make others feel better. Hallem (his sister's fiance), was a good friend of Alfred's, so I'm sure he felt loss as well, but poets often romanticize even the worst of human experiences.

The fact is, losing love sucks, and no mere words can change that.


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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...


Fnord
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06 Dec 2012, 12:13 pm

DestinyB24 wrote:
He told one of his friends that he really likes me and could picture me as being his girlfriend ... he can only see us as being 'best friends.'

You've been 'Friendzoned'.

Image

Wikipedia wrote:
In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person.[1] Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship.

... and ...

Urban Dictionary wrote:
When a member of the opposite sex (usually one you want to hook up with) declares you to be "just a friend"...

... and ...

Know Your Meme wrote:
... an interpersonal relationship in which one member wishes to become romantically involved while the other would rather remain friends only.

Give it up. You deserve better.


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Geekonychus
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06 Dec 2012, 5:44 pm

MrXxx wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
better to have loved and lost....


IMO, that's romantic drivel.

You're 100% right......unfortunately I'm a romantic.



MrXxx
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07 Dec 2012, 6:36 am

Geekonychus wrote:
MrXxx wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
better to have loved and lost....


IMO, that's romantic drivel.

You're 100% right......unfortunately I'm a romantic.


I am told I am as well, and I am to an extent. There is a difference between being romantic in a realistic manner, and being blindly romantic.

If you look closely at the real background behind Tennyson's poem, from which that line comes, I don't think he necessarily meant it the way it is so often used now.


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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...