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Yuzu
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19 Dec 2012, 2:20 pm

1000Knives wrote:
Besides, girls post all kinds of unrealistic crap in their dating profiles. Like wanting guys with jobs, cars, when they're unemployed living at home. I don't get why everyone's sh*****g on him for doing this as a man.


Yes, some girls do and people will equally be sh*****g on them for that too I believe.

BUT

I think he should post the ad on facebook. Might get a positive response, you never know.
People might think he's delusional but you gotta take some risk, right?



Tias
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19 Dec 2012, 5:45 pm

1000Knives wrote:
Tias wrote:
That people are already helping someone immature as you is too much.

You want a girlfriend without having to work hard?

Oh man, i want to be rich, i want a lot of money, BUT I DON*T WANT TO WORK HARD FOR IT.

In other words you're a lazy person is what we can conclude from this. Do you honestly think everything you want will just randomly fall into your lap? *sigh*


I don't see why companionship must be earned. Friends should be your friends because they appreciate you as a person. Not because you've somehow "earned" one. And I don't see how expecting a girlfriend or wife is the same as wanting a lot of money or being rich. It's a common expectation of being human, the analogical equivalent is "I'd like a good job that pays me enough to survive and I'd like to not hate every second of it."

Besides, girls post all kinds of unrealistic crap in their dating profiles. Like wanting guys with jobs, cars, when they're unemployed living at home. I don't get why everyone's sh*****g on him for doing this as a man.


Who ever said i thought what they did was any better?
They are as much lazy and pathetic.
You can't just expect everything in life to fall down to your lap. Oh i wish it did but that's not how it works.
And lastly, say you're a very very unattractive person, you can't just expect someone who looks extremely pretty to be your partner. Get realistic here. You have to think of what you can offer.

But now, why do girls have a easier time than guys? Because some guys are horney enough to not care of the girl living at home and not having a job, sex? Thats all some men need.



DialAForAwesome
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19 Dec 2012, 7:39 pm

The messed up part is, there are plenty of good people who should have some chance at a relationship but don't. On the flip side, there are lots of people with NOTHING to offer who are in relationships.

When you think of it that way, ShamelessGit doing this ad really isn't that bad.


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ShamelessGit
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19 Dec 2012, 8:02 pm

Thanks to those of you who have been nice to me on this thread.

It still seems to me as though most of the people who have mean things to say about me did not actually read the ad.



DialAForAwesome
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19 Dec 2012, 8:13 pm

I honestly don't get all the myself, Git. I read the ad as if maybe you were responding to a lady who had done a similar ad. Then again, I'm weird. :wink:


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Kjas
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19 Dec 2012, 9:11 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
Thanks to those of you who have been nice to me on this thread.

It still seems to me as though most of the people who have mean things to say about me did not actually read the ad.


I think the crux of the issue is that you have ignored some of the most basic needs of a girl who would be looking for someone. There are entire parts of your ad that ignore completely the psychology necessary to get a relationship.

While you may have mastered the psychology and theory of social skills enough to have friends and some kind of a social life, I do not think you have managed to do the same in the area of dating and relationships. They are different things. They have different requirements.

I don't think the others were attempting to be cruel to you - I think they were attempting to point how how completely you ignored some of the most fundemantals aspects of dating and relationships, but did it in the only way that they knew how.


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19 Dec 2012, 9:59 pm

Yuzu wrote:
1000Knives wrote:
Besides, girls post all kinds of unrealistic crap in their dating profiles. Like wanting guys with jobs, cars, when they're unemployed living at home. I don't get why everyone's sh*****g on him for doing this as a man.


Yes, some girls do and people will equally be sh*****g on them for that too I believe.

BUT

I think he should post the ad on facebook. Might get a positive response, you never know.
People might think he's delusional but you gotta take some risk, right?
i like your new avi better should aim the cam higher though :p


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MXH
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19 Dec 2012, 10:33 pm

its an ad people, if you dont like it you're not forced to go for him.



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20 Dec 2012, 12:32 am

Let me summarize all the useful advice.

1. Structure: tl;dr = too damned long. Nobody is even going to read it. At least put the important info upfront, like in a newspaper.

2. Too verbose. Does this sound like the type of person a girl would want to spend an evening with? No. Try to understate the effects of your disorder, rather than magnifying them. Short, catchy, personalized sentences. (note: I'm on the spectrum, as are most people here, so I don't typically feel the need to be fake nice or use compliment sandwiches. Sorry if you're offended)

3. Too off-putting. Others have pointed this out. You accused said others of not reading the entirety of your ad. And that is exactly the point. NT's are even worse about this.

4. Not appropriate for Facebook. I don't know how they do it where you're from, but I have 400+ Facebook friends, and I've had Facebook since 2005 when it came out, and I've never seen anyone using Facebook for this or as any sort of hookup tool. OkCupid or Aspie Connections? Definitely.



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20 Dec 2012, 12:51 am

ShamelessGit wrote:
This sort of ad is the only thing that feels natural to me. I'm so sick of pretending to be a NT and pretending like I'm attracted to every pair of tits and p**** that has a pulse. I don't want to flirt with every single girl and approach hundreds a day. Every girl acts like I'm attracted to her by default, so she makes me put in an enormous amount of effort to try to get her, and often after I get to the point where it might be appropriate to ask her out, I find that I don't even like her. I think some of you guys act like I'm a dog at the pound and I should be grateful for any woman who's willing to let me lick her feet. Apart from being female, 18, and having a libido, I could have met all the standards when I was 10. They are not high standards.



I'll accept that my ad weird and I won't post it. I don't have any sense for what other people find strange, and if you guys find it strange, then I'd imagine the NT would think so as well.


Yeah if it feels natural to seek out a gf like this, but post it on a dating site and know that your chances of response are very very low. Your post sounds too verbose and demanding. I would be surprised if a girl responded positively.



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20 Dec 2012, 12:08 pm

Kjas wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
Thanks to those of you who have been nice to me on this thread.

It still seems to me as though most of the people who have mean things to say about me did not actually read the ad.


I think the crux of the issue is that you have ignored some of the most basic needs of a girl who would be looking for someone. There are entire parts of your ad that ignore completely the psychology necessary to get a relationship.

While you may have mastered the psychology and theory of social skills enough to have friends and some kind of a social life, I do not think you have managed to do the same in the area of dating and relationships. They are different things. They have different requirements.

I don't think the others were attempting to be cruel to you - I think they were attempting to point how how completely you ignored some of the most fundemantals aspects of dating and relationships, but did it in the only way that they knew how.


What psychology have I completely ignored? I really want to be told. The people who said mean things to me just called me names or said things that appeared to be self-contradictory (like having strict requirements makes a girl act pampered--wtf?), or as if they didn't even read the ad, like saying that I didn't understand that relationships are about give and take (that was like, the central topic of the ad).



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20 Dec 2012, 12:13 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
About the emotional maturity requirement: Emotional maturity for me means that you recognize that your emotions are arbitrary and have no inherent value. This is a fact and I'm not interested in arguing about it. If you understand this, then you will not expect people to know what you are feeling without being told, and you will respect other people's feelings even when they differ from your own. It also means that you will not act on your emotions without thinking like a dumb animal. Emotions are often self-contradictory and drive you towards your goals without any awareness of purpose, so taking them at face value always leads to a mess.


This will be the dealbreaker for probably every woman who reads the ad.


Quote:
However, this does not mean that it's bad to have emotions, or even to be overwhelmed by them sometimes. It is only bad when you have no awareness of them.


This disclaimer will not mitigate that.



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20 Dec 2012, 12:20 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
Let me summarize all the useful advice.

1. Structure: tl;dr = too damned long. Nobody is even going to read it. At least put the important info upfront, like in a newspaper.

2. Too verbose. Does this sound like the type of person a girl would want to spend an evening with? No. Try to understate the effects of your disorder, rather than magnifying them. Short, catchy, personalized sentences. (note: I'm on the spectrum, as are most people here, so I don't typically feel the need to be fake nice or use compliment sandwiches. Sorry if you're offended)

3. Too off-putting. Others have pointed this out. You accused said others of not reading the entirety of your ad. And that is exactly the point. NT's are even worse about this.

4. Not appropriate for Facebook. I don't know how they do it where you're from, but I have 400+ Facebook friends, and I've had Facebook since 2005 when it came out, and I've never seen anyone using Facebook for this or as any sort of hookup tool. OkCupid or Aspie Connections? Definitely.


Thanks. This is constructive criticism. I get it that the Ad is too long and complicated.

I will occasionally defriend numerous people on Facebook that I don't feel close to or don't think that I will ever likely speak to again. The first time I did this my facebook friends went from 138 to 36, and they have stayed between 36 and 50 ever since. I do this so that I don't have to look at a bunch of stuff that I don't even care about. But I don't ever put anything on facebook that I'm ashamed of, so I let every person see everything on my profile. Also, I don't even care if this is how facebook is normally used. I only care if you guys think the Ad would work or not. You've stated that you think it's a bad idea, so that's all I need.

I tried OkCupid once, but I got turned off because it seemed like every other profile picture was a shot of somebody's genitals, and all the stuff I saw on their profiles was gross and vain. In general dating websites don't sort people according to my needs. You could probably see from the Ad that I don't even give a damn what anybody's hobbies are, just so long as you have some and I can participate. That's why I thought maybe it would be better if I made a custom ad.



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20 Dec 2012, 12:33 pm

Janissy wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
About the emotional maturity requirement: Emotional maturity for me means that you recognize that your emotions are arbitrary and have no inherent value. This is a fact and I'm not interested in arguing about it. If you understand this, then you will not expect people to know what you are feeling without being told, and you will respect other people's feelings even when they differ from your own. It also means that you will not act on your emotions without thinking like a dumb animal. Emotions are often self-contradictory and drive you towards your goals without any awareness of purpose, so taking them at face value always leads to a mess.


This will be the dealbreaker for probably every woman who reads the ad.


Quote:
However, this does not mean that it's bad to have emotions, or even to be overwhelmed by them sometimes. It is only bad when you have no awareness of them.


This disclaimer will not mitigate that.


That's a thing that really frustrates me about women. I've accepted that my feelings don't mean anything since I was a child, and I have to think like this every time I interact with any person. I guess women are just so used to everybody going out of their way to accommodate them, so they never have to figure this stuff out? I really feel like I'm dealing with a child whenever I have to interact with somebody who assumes that their emotions mean something to anybody but themselves.



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28 Dec 2012, 2:05 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
Janissy wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
About the emotional maturity requirement: Emotional maturity for me means that you recognize that your emotions are arbitrary and have no inherent value. This is a fact and I'm not interested in arguing about it. If you understand this, then you will not expect people to know what you are feeling without being told, and you will respect other people's feelings even when they differ from your own. It also means that you will not act on your emotions without thinking like a dumb animal. Emotions are often self-contradictory and drive you towards your goals without any awareness of purpose, so taking them at face value always leads to a mess.


This will be the dealbreaker for probably every woman who reads the ad.


Quote:
However, this does not mean that it's bad to have emotions, or even to be overwhelmed by them sometimes. It is only bad when you have no awareness of them.


This disclaimer will not mitigate that.


That's a thing that really frustrates me about women. I've accepted that my feelings don't mean anything since I was a child, and I have to think like this every time I interact with any person. I guess women are just so used to everybody going out of their way to accommodate them, so they never have to figure this stuff out? I really feel like I'm dealing with a child whenever I have to interact with somebody who assumes that their emotions mean something to anybody but themselves.


Here's a better way of saying what you mean:
Emotional maturity for me means that you will not make it my job to be responsible for your happiness. If you are already happy, that's great. If you aren't already happy, I will try to make you feel better, but if I fail, I'm sorry. I am not your dad. They are your emotions. I can help you, but I can't do it for you.

This is more concise and less combative. It's not perfect, but its a start.



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28 Dec 2012, 2:17 pm

^^^that makes sense, but in addition, emotional maturity means the first person is also willing to take responsibility for the fact that their actions and words can have consequences. people do not live in bubbles where they can say and do as they like with no effect, and to believe it is possible is actually quite immature.


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