some aspie women get dates,other aspie women can't

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Boxman108
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21 Dec 2012, 3:41 pm

MCalavera wrote:
Why do you see it as "lowering standards" if a man chooses to date a shy and quiet girl?

A lot of men genuinely find such girls attractive. And really, unlike with girls, men don't put so much importance on the trait identified as "confidence" in their potential partners.

I don't mind dating a confident girl, but confidence or not, it's not a deciding factor for me. It's just a nice bonus to see in a girl.


I'd see it as lowering standards in that it would not be fair to let something like that slide when those expectations are put on me. I'd want a partner who is equal to me, rather than one who can't stand on her own two feet.


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SINsister
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21 Dec 2012, 4:01 pm

Boxman108 wrote:
I'd want a partner who is equal to me, rather than one who can't stand on her own two feet.


Since when does quiet and shy indicate anything of the sort?


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Boxman108
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21 Dec 2012, 4:58 pm

SINsister wrote:
Boxman108 wrote:
I'd want a partner who is equal to me, rather than one who can't stand on her own two feet.


Since when does quiet and shy indicate anything of the sort?


Since the same standard is held to males. If it is a flaw for guys to be shy or quiet, it should be the same for the other gender if we are to have equality.


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MCalavera
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21 Dec 2012, 5:08 pm

Well, we tend to be more picky when it comes to physical looks, though.



MXH
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21 Dec 2012, 5:18 pm

MCalavera wrote:
Well, we tend to be more picky when it comes to physical looks, though.


Not at all. Women are just as picky on looks.



SINsister
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21 Dec 2012, 5:39 pm

MXH wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
Well, we tend to be more picky when it comes to physical looks, though.


Not at all. Women are just as picky on looks.


Hehehe. I'm the pickiest of all! :lol: :P

Actually, that's not really true. More accurately, I'm just rarely attracted to anyone at all. It's either there, or it's not. When it *is* there, I get a bit obsesso. :roll: :?


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SINsister
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21 Dec 2012, 5:43 pm

Boxman108 wrote:
If it is a flaw for guys to be shy or quiet, it should be the same for the other gender if we are to have equality.


So you put a lot of stake into our "society's" gender rules and roles, then, I'm guessing?

Personally, I happen to adore quiet/shy guys. One never knows what's lurking beneath that reserved demeanor... :twisted:


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wtfid2
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21 Dec 2012, 5:52 pm

SINsister wrote:
MXH wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
Well, we tend to be more picky when it comes to physical looks, though.


Not at all. Women are just as picky on looks.


Hehehe. I'm the pickiest of all! :lol: :P

Actually, that's not really true. More accurately, I'm just rarely attracted to anyone at all. It's either there, or it's not. When it *is* there, I get a bit obsesso. :roll: :?
yah same im pretty picky myself...although not entirely..it's just the girls who have been interested in me im never interested in them based on looks..but if you put me in the middle of a school, library, supermarket, with 1200 women, im sure i could pick 700 out that i'd be sexually attracted to.


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Boxman108
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21 Dec 2012, 7:06 pm

SINsister wrote:
Boxman108 wrote:
If it is a flaw for guys to be shy or quiet, it should be the same for the other gender if we are to have equality.


So you put a lot of stake into our "society's" gender rules and roles, then, I'm guessing?

Personally, I happen to adore quiet/shy guys. One never knows what's lurking beneath that reserved demeanor... :twisted:


I'd rather be done away with gender roles altogether. Getting rid of double standards is one way to do that.


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LonelyLoner
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23 Dec 2012, 3:07 pm

I notice if I girl is more outgoing and talkative and confident, it really helps. I'm not ugly, but if I had all those qualities, I'd get guys asking me out all the time.

Looks help, but it's not everything:/



aspiesandra27
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23 Dec 2012, 4:27 pm

But everyone is picky, to their own standards. I might think someone is really good looking, whereas some other girl may find that person ugly. Personality wise the same principle applies.

I think goals, and how one would like to be respected, are fundamental, and high on my scales when choosing someone.

Mind you, I have done a lousy job so far :roll:



Catharascotia
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29 Dec 2012, 7:10 pm

First of all, I like shy guys, and feel there's nothing wrong with being shy. I feel like shy guys tend to put more effort into a handful of close relationships and interests, and develop a deeper commitment to people/things. I know lots of really outgoing guys who have a bunch of friends but aren't really close to or there for any of them. And of course I like shy guys because I'm terribly shy as well and feel they're more likely to understand me. I also feel like shy people tend to think about things more, which is a quality I like.

But regardless, I'm one of those Aspie women who can't get a date to save her life. I'd like there to be an answer beyond "you're not pretty so you're screwed", but I'm not sure if there is :(



mfs1013
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29 Dec 2012, 7:28 pm

I want someone who can totally understand my issues and where i cam coming from... who is not afraid of me, make me feel comfortable, and will help me as far as getting my s**t together and stuff like that...

just please, someone please come up to, tell me im cute, and want to get to know me, give me a chance, stop being so picky, and actually talk to me... most NT men are douchebags, but girls fall for them anyway

I have seen women my age on OkCupid, POF, and Meetme.com who already have kids, but looking for a father... still picky they are

If a non virgin man decides to pop Catharascotia's cherry then moves on the next woman, then forget him...

I want sex, love, and time with my future gf


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alex
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29 Dec 2012, 9:45 pm

LonelyLoner wrote:
Looks help, but it's not everything:/


Definitely true. You could be super attractive, but unless you're giving out the right signals, it'll be harder.


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Fnord
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29 Dec 2012, 9:48 pm

alex wrote:
LonelyLoner wrote:
Looks help, but it's not everything:/
Definitely true. You could be super attractive, but unless you're giving out the right signals, it'll be harder.

A supermodel who acts like an angry robot may be pleasant to behold, but a total pain once you get to know her.


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Catharascotia
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29 Dec 2012, 9:49 pm

Fnord wrote:
alex wrote:
LonelyLoner wrote:
Looks help, but it's not everything:/
Definitely true. You could be super attractive, but unless you're giving out the right signals, it'll be harder.

A supermodel who acts like an angry robot may be pleasant to behold, but a total pain once you get to know her.


Ah, but if the girl is plain, people aren't going to get to know her in the first place.