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Stoek
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07 Jan 2013, 1:49 pm

Dillogic wrote:
Don't have children if you aren't prepared to give them what they need.


This too many parents are narcisstics, and see the whole process of starting a family, as basically having a "mimime that will worship my every move with a constant smile". The reality is if you bring a child into the world, you need to see it as giving something to the world, not yourself.



Stoek
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07 Jan 2013, 1:51 pm

eightyfour wrote:
I have aspergers and 2 of my 3 daughters have been diagnosed with ASD.

Does it make life hard sometimes? YES. The issues that arise are not ones that my husband and I are intuitively designed to handle. So there is extra stress involved in learning to help them.

With that being said though, let it be known....I would much rather have my ASD kids over the NT brats I see in my neighborhood. NT does not equal stress free household. Something tells me those peoples marriage would end in divorce with or without a child on the spectrum. Sad to blame the child for your inability to cope with life.
Agreed, I think one has to be very careful of when they say autistic.

What most are assuming is the case of classical or diagnosable autism. Since many get undiagnosed because the disorder isn't disordering their life, any stats on the subject will be skewed.

My guess is when the disorder isn't causing severe problems, it can be much easier for an nt to deal with a family of aspies, and far easier for an aspie.
Autism,



BuyerBeware
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07 Jan 2013, 3:21 pm

Well, that's hard.

Life is hard.

I see nothing wrong with talking about it. It comforts some people.

But-- life is hard. It's full of inconveniences and complications.

Anyone who thinks it should be neat and smooth and easy, and you should always know what to expect, should read The Giver.

It does't stop me from weeping in frustration sometimes-- and I hate the fact that we live in a society where one person can struggle while another watches and looks down on them for the struggle instead of lending a hand or at least shutting up-- but I would not want to live a life that was too certain, too easy, or too convenient.


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nostromo
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08 Jan 2013, 10:10 pm

It can be true. Equally importantly it can also affect your relationships with your other children to an extent, thats what I find anyway.
Not Autism specifically, just having a disabled child in general and the extra difficulties that go along with that for the whole family.
Having extra support helps a lot (other family etc).



Moriel
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10 Feb 2013, 9:23 am

I'm NT, got both an autistic husband and son. But while I admit my life is not a permanent "rainbow of happiness", I'm certainly very grateful for the two wonderful human beings in my life.

I have a bad temper, I used to fight a lot with my mom because I was quite rebellious, I never had smooth relationships with other men. People say it's because I'm a scorpio, but I don't believe in astrology :P

Anyway, the thing is: I almost never fight with my husband (been married for 8 years and still counting). Of course I sometimes get mad at him, but he never does anything wrong intentionally, he always tries really hard, and he is hillarious, sweet and brilliant.

My friends talk about their NT husbands, they tell me how jealous they get about other women, their constant fights, and I kind of feel sorry for them because I don't have that kind of marital problems. Of course I have other kind of issues, since being the only "normal" in the house can be stressing (I'm the one who always picks the phone, have to negociate with people, complain, thank, engage in social events, and integrate them into society all the time).

I want to think it's possible to have a neurodiverse family in which all the members can lead a meaningful life.


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Mummy_of_Peanut
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13 Feb 2013, 9:31 am

I have a very strong relationship wth my husband and I don't think it can be broken by anything. But, even so, disagreements about how to raise/discipline our daughter have caused a strain. That might have been the same, if she was NT. However, I'm pretty certain that her being the way she is, has caused us to have more conflict than we would have had otherwise. No discipline measures that we ever used had any effect whatsoever and she just continued to do what she was doing anyway. So, we were always arguing about who was doing it right or wrong. My husband was fairly tough, despite it not working and actually turning tantrums into meltdowns. I was generally softer and more understanding, as I could see his method was not working, but that wasn't working either. Only once we'd been on a course for parents of kids with autism did things start to fit into place (we're both soft and understanding now). So, now we have a happy home, few quarrels and a content and much more obedient child. I never thought parenthood would be easy, but complete and utter exhaustion, frustration and self-doubt was not what I had anticipated.


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CockneyRebel
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13 Feb 2013, 3:00 pm

ianorlin wrote:
Dillogic wrote:
Don't have children if you aren't prepared to give them what they need.
I completely and totally agree.


That's what I was thinking.


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Mummy_of_Peanut
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13 Feb 2013, 3:47 pm

Just to be clear - admitting to having a strained marriage, does not equate to not being prepared to give your children what they need. My life has not been anything like the lives of my friends and acquaintances, who don't have kids with autism, but I would not change my daughter for the world. Criticism of a parent, who admits to feeling under a lot of stress, under very trying circumstances, is not helpful. Are they supposed to say that everything is just peachy, when it clearly isn't? If that was the case, us parents really wouldn't need support organisations, on-line forums, etc. My daughter is not so much work these days, but I still have memories of the years where nothing I did or said ever had any impact on her (whilst still cherishing every aspect of her). So, to then be ridiculed or told that I should not have had kids, since I wasn't prepared to take on the challenge of any child, is just like a kick in the guts. I'm more prepared than most, but still under a great deal of pressure. Marital strain is just a fact that goes along with parenting stress of any sort and not an indication of a person's fitness to be a parent.


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Disraeli
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13 Feb 2013, 4:25 pm

not surprised autism is at fault for strained marriages. Stay away from Aspies, I always say.