How to tell when she's NOT interested

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B3dsage
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05 Feb 2013, 12:37 am

The other side of this question- how to tell when she is interested -has been much discussed. But many of the signs or methods suggested can lead to a false impression of interest. I, at least, have struggled probably more with understanding when she isn't interested. And, it is arguably a more important topic: if you overlook an interested girl then you just miss out, but if you misinterpret and think that a girl is interested then you create awkward situations at best.

I have had so many problems with this that I no longer trust my own judgement when I think that a girl is interested. It has gotten to the point that in order to avoid those problems, I just don't want to bother pursuing women anymore. That leaves me with a very lonely outlook for the future.

So, does anyone have some insight to a less drastic way to avoid those "but if you weren't interested in dating me then why did you..." conversations?



MXH
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05 Feb 2013, 12:46 am

I find that lack of interest is more easy to spot than interest. A general sense of ignoring you when you talk and doing as little to keep her side of a conversation (if she even sticks around long enough tocall it a conversation). Flat out telling you she isnt interested, finding silly excuses to walk out, etc.



Thelostcup
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05 Feb 2013, 1:03 am

If you're hitting on a girl and she generally isn't paying you much attention (e.g. not looking you in the eye, not acknowledging you when you see each other in public, switching her attention to other people when you're in the middle of talking, etc) that's generally a good sign of disinterest. A lot of inexperienced guys (myself included at one point) will still continue by deluding themselves that she's playing "hard to get".
It's something you have to learn how to recognize.


I have an even worse issue. A lot of women give me signs that they are interested (especially when I'm not trying to be particularly flirtatious) and then turn me down when I ask them out on a date. I seem to have trouble differentiating romantic interest from friendly interest.



yellowtamarin
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05 Feb 2013, 1:27 am

These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.



B3dsage
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05 Feb 2013, 3:03 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.


The problem arises when girls do these two things but intend them only as friends.



yellowtamarin
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05 Feb 2013, 3:04 am

B3dsage wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.


The problem arises when girls do these two things but intend them only as friends.

That's why I'm suggesting you look for the actions in brackets, for lack of interest, rather than the first parts for interest.



B3dsage
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05 Feb 2013, 3:10 am

Thelostcup wrote:
I have an even worse issue. A lot of women give me signs that they are interested (especially when I'm not trying to be particularly flirtatious) and then turn me down when I ask them out on a date. I seem to have trouble differentiating romantic interest from friendly interest.


I guess I was not clear. This is what I mean.


I recently was talking to a girl who, for the past year, has been initiating conversations with me. I don't initiate conversations with other people usually because I just forget that they exist, so she initiated almost all of them. She told me that she liked me (I must have missed something in the context of her telling me that) and even invited me to spend thanksgiving with her family when she found out I was planning on spending it alone. Many times she would suggest doing something together or say she was hoping to see me at XYZ event, but then it never would happen. We just recently had a more direct conversation where she explained that she was never interested in dating me, and she thought she could be "casual" with me because she had made it clear that our differences are too great. The whole thing was very frustrating, and it looks like now I have turned a friendship into an awkward acquaintance (yet again).



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Feb 2013, 3:20 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.



Some girls don't ever initiate because "it's the men's job", not even with those who are interested in.

Sometimes, girls visit my dating profiles several times but never initiate, when I message them they turn out to be interested!

Confusing creatures.



MXH
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05 Feb 2013, 3:21 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.



Some girls don't ever initiate because "it's the men's job", not even with those who are interested in.

Sometimes, girls visit my dating profiles several times but never initiate, when I message them they turn out to be interested!

Confusing creatures.


pretty much. How many threads as of late have beenabout women asking how to get a specific guy to approach them? Whynot save the hassle and do it yourself



B3dsage
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05 Feb 2013, 3:26 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Confusing creatures.


seconded



yellowtamarin
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05 Feb 2013, 3:29 am

MXH wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.



Some girls don't ever initiate because "it's the men's job", not even with those who are interested in.

Sometimes, girls visit my dating profiles several times but never initiate, when I message them they turn out to be interested!

Confusing creatures.


pretty much. How many threads as of late have beenabout women asking how to get a specific guy to approach them? Whynot save the hassle and do it yourself

Because they can't tell if the guy is interested or not :P

But more seriously, if you have already been approaching a girl, initiating contact fairly frequently and inviting her to hang out, surely she's not going to play hard to get for too long? If she's responding to your texts, but almost never sending you one first, or will say yes to hanging out but doesn't ask you out to anything, IMO this is a good indication that's she's not interested. But...what do I know about NT girls, maybe they do play hard to get for ages.

Edit: Oops, they play hard to get, not lay hard to get. :oops: Freudian slip?



Last edited by yellowtamarin on 05 Feb 2013, 3:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

MXH
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05 Feb 2013, 3:32 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
MXH wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.



Some girls don't ever initiate because "it's the men's job", not even with those who are interested in.

Sometimes, girls visit my dating profiles several times but never initiate, when I message them they turn out to be interested!

Confusing creatures.


pretty much. How many threads as of late have beenabout women asking how to get a specific guy to approach them? Whynot save the hassle and do it yourself

Because they can't tell if the guy is interested or not :P

But more seriously, if you have already been approaching a girl, initiating contact fairly frequently and inviting her to hang out, surely she's not going to play hard to get for too long? If she's responding to your texts, but almost never sending you one first, or will say yes to hanging out but doesn't ask you out to anything, IMO this is a good indication that's she's not interested. But...what do I know about NT girls, maybe they do lay hard to get for ages.


maybe try and find out the same way guys have to find out. By getting rejected (or not). But im guessing its easier to complain and not get anything done, and still have offers

I dont believe in hard to get. It sounds more like an excuse for "i didnt like him at all, but *insert random event here* changed that"



yellowtamarin
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05 Feb 2013, 3:38 am

MXH wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
MXH wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.



Some girls don't ever initiate because "it's the men's job", not even with those who are interested in.

Sometimes, girls visit my dating profiles several times but never initiate, when I message them they turn out to be interested!

Confusing creatures.


pretty much. How many threads as of late have beenabout women asking how to get a specific guy to approach them? Whynot save the hassle and do it yourself

Because they can't tell if the guy is interested or not :P

But more seriously, if you have already been approaching a girl, initiating contact fairly frequently and inviting her to hang out, surely she's not going to play hard to get for too long? If she's responding to your texts, but almost never sending you one first, or will say yes to hanging out but doesn't ask you out to anything, IMO this is a good indication that's she's not interested. But...what do I know about NT girls, maybe they do play hard to get for ages.


maybe try and find out the same way guys have to find out. By getting rejected (or not). But im guessing its easier to complain and not get anything done, and still have offers

I dont believe in hard to get. It sounds more like an excuse for "i didnt like him at all, but *insert random event here* changed that"

The first part was a joke, but I agree. You won't see me asking for advice on how to get a guy to approach me.

Not sure I understand your second response. In the scenario I've described, she's not interested and it probably won't change. If he pursues her too much more she will get irritated and the friendship could be damaged.



MXH
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05 Feb 2013, 3:41 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
The first part was a joke, but I agree. You won't see me asking for advice on how to get a guy to approach me.

Not sure I understand your second response. In the scenario I've described, she's not interested and it probably won't change. If he pursues her too much more she will get irritated and the friendship could be damaged.


i figured as much, but wanted to explain better for the audience.

I was talking on the odd chance she did end up going for him. The whole hard to get idea is made up to 1- give the guy an excuse to keeptrying, 2- give the girl an excuse for eventually saying yes.



B3dsage
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05 Feb 2013, 4:19 am

Sooooo no one has any ideas on separating friendly from flirty then?



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Feb 2013, 4:41 am

MXH wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
These are two of the ways I would show I am interested, that I wrote in another thread:

yellowtamarin wrote:
- Initiate communication with them (rather than only responding to their texts, conversations, etc.)
- Suggest hanging out with them (rather than only agreeing to hang out when they ask)


I'd suggest looking out for the parts in brackets for lack of interest.



Some girls don't ever initiate because "it's the men's job", not even with those who are interested in.

Sometimes, girls visit my dating profiles several times but never initiate, when I message them they turn out to be interested!

Confusing creatures.


pretty much. How many threads as of late have beenabout women asking how to get a specific guy to approach them? Whynot save the hassle and do it yourself


Women's logic: Because it's the MAN's job.


or

"I tried it once and got rejected, it hurted me so much and vowed to never do it again."