Need help to stand up for myself

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So, there's this guy living next to me in a student dorm. Right now his girlfriend is visiting him and today they came home at 4 am, slamming doors and talking loudly. Fortunately she will be gone tomorrow. But even when he's alone, that guy often talks on Skype for hours after midnight, complete with laughing and not trying to be quiet at all. It used to go as far as until 5 am. Now for him that's not a problem, since he barely ever visits any lectures and just sleeps til far into the afternoon. But I have to get up at 8 or 9 most of the time, and when I hear someone talking, I just can't fall asleep. Since I get tired at 1 am usually, and need at least one hour to fall asleep in any case, that leaves me with 6-7 hours of sleep anyway - but since the noise really bothers me, I often can't sleep until 4 or 5 am. And then I have to sleep about 12 to 14 hours at the weekend because I'm so exhausted from the lack of sleep.

So I really, really want him to stop. I think it would be reasonable to demand that he does something quiet at least after midnight. The house rules say you have to be quiet at 10 pm anyway, so technically I'm right. I mean, he has the entire day to talk to his friends online, and I think it wouldn't kill him to do something quiet like watching a movie with headphones on after midnight.

The problem is that I have low self esteem and can't really stand up for myself due to lots of bullying throughout my life. I told him about 3 times so far that he's a bit too loud, and at first he seemed to be sorry, but he clearly doesn't really care because he just does it anyway. I feel like he's the kind of guy who, if I really demanded silence, would feel insulted and snap at me for being so sensitive and b*tchy.

Do you think it would be reasonable to tell him something like "In the future, please be quiet after midnight. I know you can sleep whenever you want, but some of us do actually go to university. We only have a few more months to share this flat, so it won't kill you to be a little considerate in that time. You can do whatever you want at night, as long as I don't have to hear it." And if he still doesn't care, would it be appropriate to ask the dorm management for help?

you've already asked him to be quiet and he is breaking the rules. i'd go straight to dorm management.

I would leave a nicer note...along the lines of "Hey, I have to be up at such and such time on such and such days. I've been having trouble sleeping due to noise, so could you please try to be a little quieter after midnight. I'd really appreciate it. Cheers." And maybe leave a six pack of beer out for him. Bribery works. Small price to pay for a good night's sleep. Then, if that doesn't work, contact the person in charge.

Well, I thought I'd try it on the friendly route once more, because I've known him for a few years and have to work with him sometimes, and from what I said to him so far he might not have realised how distressing it actually was for me. And I'm afraid that if I complain officially he will be even louder to annoy me. But.. then there's the fact that he's heavily smoking in his room as well, which is not only annoying because the whole smoke goes to my room, but highly, highly forbidden. So.. maybe I can blackmail him with that.

Sanctus, cathlynn is exactly correct. You don't need to deal with it yourself. Your campus has an enforcement system in place to deal with rule violations, let them deal with it. If he tries to retaliate against you let the enforcement people deal with that, I guarantee you they will have a ZERO tolerance policy for retaliation. But I think it would be extremely unlikely that he would retaliate in any way. If he continues to violate the rules continue to report him, he won't be there long.

I've handled things my way (the wrong way) most of my life, believe me filling a complaint is the right way.

Sigh. I know... I will talk to him once more tomorrow, and I will be polite, but really clear. If he still doesn't care, I will go to management. It's just that sometimes I feel so helpless, because those people just do what they want, and when you dare complain, they make it look like you're actually just a bitchy killjoy, and I used to believe that because I didn't have any confidence. Now I'm starting to see that I need to become more confident and assertive.

By the way, do you know if there is any way to get help with that? Therapy, maybe? Any kind of groups?

Don't talk to him again. Just report him. You already talked to him once, that was fair warning. If you talk to him again he will see it as weakness on your part.

I would recommend you look into your college's counseling program. Most offer at least a fixed number of session per year to students. In the case of my college it is 6. once you get hooked up with a counselor he/she can further guide you toward a support group or whatever is appropriate.

I finally did it, I asked him to be quiet after midnight. Friendly, but not too nice. He responded like he got the message. We'll see.

As someone else who has had a very similar experience, I tend to fall back on this quote "Your right to swing your fist ends where the other person's nose begins". You are defending your rights. I wish you luck with the situation; hope he stays quiet.

If you swung your fist near my nose I would be perfectly within my rights to strike back as you've threatened assault.

Oh great, it lasted about 30 minutes. He's talking again now, in the same volume. Too exhausted to deal with this right now, but if I see him tomorrow I might lose my sh*t. He gets one more warning, then I'm off to the dorm management.

Holy cow, we only have to live next to each other for 3 more months. You'd think he could just be considerate for that time, even if it means he has to stop his precious talking. NT's.

Dang! I have a captioned photo of how someone could gain control with these types of people
(it would require a bit of roleplaying, perseverance and getting them to believe there's some sort of romantic incentive for them), but now that I've reviewed the photo, its only proper place is on the Adult forum, which is ironic considering how childish and infantile the offender's behavior is

If you really must insist on giving him one more warning (which I don't think he deserves), then explicitly tell him that you will report him to the appropriate authorities if he continues to be disruptive.

I would say - I don't want to have to make a complaint about this but the noise you are making at night is affecting my studies. If he counters your objection keep repeating that this is effecting your studies until he gives up.

say things like I need sleep at night to function during the day, I'm hear to learn i cant do that because of your noise,

If it doesn't stop then make the complaint.

Easier said than done I know and Well done for bringing it up to him in the first place I know I wouldnt

It is not acceptable for someone talking and laughing loudly about 4 or 5 am in the morning as that is very disturbing best thing to do is report about it don't let him off lightly.

Is it possible that he doesn't realize you can hear him? I guess I should rephrase that as a statement. It is possible he doesn't realize this is what you are talking about. What would happen if you knocked on his door while it was happening and just firmly, but still politely, said "This. This is what I mean. I can hear you very clearly and I can't sleep."