How Often Do You Think About Suicide?

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How Often Do You Think About Suicide?
EveryDay 16%  16%  [ 91 ]
EveryDay 19%  19%  [ 107 ]
Weekly but not Daily 13%  13%  [ 73 ]
Weekly but not Daily 14%  14%  [ 77 ]
Monthly but not Weekly 10%  10%  [ 56 ]
Monthly but not Weekly 11%  11%  [ 60 ]
Yearly but not Monthly 8%  8%  [ 46 ]
Yearly but not Monthly 8%  8%  [ 46 ]
Total votes : 556

equestriatola
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11 Dec 2013, 7:32 pm

More like never for me. But harming other people, that's another story.


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LtlPinkCoupe
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11 Dec 2013, 8:35 pm

I actually think about it a lot...I just feel like I have nothing really worthwhile to contribute to the world, nothing productive I'll be able to do once I'm out of college, if I ever DO get out. I also don't have that many real-life friends, nothing much in common with my peers. My dad and stepmother are also elderly and may not be around for much longer, so once they're gone, I'll have even less of a reason to stick around, myself.

I'm really matter-of-fact about it, though...I just think that since I have nothing to contribute, and there's nothing I'm good for, I should just get out of the way and allow space and resources for those who CAN contribute something.


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Niall
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11 Dec 2013, 11:35 pm

Thoughts of suicide are pretty much omnipresent.

I have a major anxiety and depression problem as well as AS. These were, I think, partly caused by allistic society's reaction to me as an aspie. My efforts at attempting to relate to just about anyone else have resulted in social ostracism, so it's not unusual for weeks to go by without having any social contact beyond that needed to buy food. The day before yesterday I finally met up with a friend for a coffee - the first time I'd had a face-to-face conversation lasting more than a couple of minutes in 23 days.

There is a mental health problem, but the shrink's response to that is to try yet another drug - having tried 6, plus beta-blockers, and having read up on the actual evidence for efficacy beyond placebo effects ( Not great: see this article, for example), I'm reluctant to face more side effects for little or no gain. She also wants me to to get help from the autism service in town, which is only geared up for people up to their early twenties, and certainly doesn't have the facilities for complex interventions. The one in the next town, which does have more facilities, told me to get lost or pay them (with what?).

Meanwhile, everyone with mental health problems, autism, or who just doesn't fit in with allistic society is being vilified by the media as a scrounger.

So far, the reasons I haven't taken my own life have to do with the awkwardness and/or unreliability of the methods available, and sheer spite: me autoeuthanising means the Tories win. I genuinely think that the Tories, NuLabour, UKIP, the ConDems and everyone who voted for them want me dead - the latter because they know how the political parties treat the vulnerable, but support them anyway. Every day I stay alive is another day I give the finger to human society.

I live in terror of a brown envelope from DWP-Atos (the social (in)security authorities), because I am an easy target for their lies and bullying.

So yes, the answer to your poll is "daily", because of the realities of being an aspie in this sh***y society, but "constantly" might be more accurate.



Last edited by Niall on 12 Dec 2013, 5:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

aussiebloke
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12 Dec 2013, 2:01 am

^^^^

I like the tone of your jig, if you go through with it they win, if you botch it it's like a massive face palm, , if you have the funds have you thought of Dignatas ?


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lamontge
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12 Dec 2013, 2:41 am

I think about it every day, but not the same way as others. Granted I do think about it every day but it is more a correlation to energy seeking the shortest path. The reason I think of it is in part I am curious what lies beyond, and wonder what death would be like. I have dealt with it every day that I can remember but not because I want to die but because my mother committed suicide just before I was two, I believe everyone has the right to suicide, and I don't know what it is like to walk in anyone else's shoes, or have a right to tell you what you are feeling and thinking is not that painful. But I can tell you my life would of been much different had my mother not committed suicide, maybe better maybe worse. I don't know...

I do know that the truths we tell ourselves, are only true from a certain point of view. We can only control our own actions, you never know who or what will end up in your life, or how just one look, one letter, a moment of your future could affect the rest of the world, or just one child, one random person, or change your life.

Besides I worry that there might be nothing, and this is my only chance.



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28 Jan 2014, 11:40 am

I usually think about on the basis of once, maybe twice a month.



Bisabing
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28 Jan 2014, 1:14 pm

A couple of years ago, I was having an awful year and I was thinking about suicide constantly, even to the point of almost driving my car off the cliff of a mountain near where I live. But I ended up going home, telling my parents and went to the emergency room where they gave me a psych evaluation. But the shame and anxiety of going into the psych ward scared the crap out of me and I ended up going home. That was the closest I had ever been to taking my own life.

If you can believe it, I'm actually engaged. But even through this engagement, I still think about suicide. I feel like I'm trapped in a crevice between those who are lower on the spectrum and those who aren't diagnosed with Autism at all. And a part of me thinks that no one will really miss me. In fact, it would be better if I did go, so that I won't be a burden on other people. Even with medication, I still have those thoughts.

I think the only thing holding me back is my fiancee and my family (not to mention that I'm just scared of taking my life). And I know this post seems all doom and gloom, but I'm just putting my occasional thoughts out there.



motherof2
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29 Jan 2014, 10:23 pm

I have been depressed all my life but a lot more the last few years. I think of dying when I think I can't take anymore. I want everyone to leave me alone and stop having expectations of me. I feel I am failing as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and employee. I don't do any of these jobs well and constantly shift focus as issues require me to. I have never adjusted to parenthood and my daughter is 12. I feel I am no longer close to my husband and have pulled away from him. He is on the spectrum and does not understand. He does not know what I want or need. I am only content when I can curl up in bed and watch tv. I watch the same shows over and over (X Files and Star Trek). Drives my husband crazy. I love my kids but do not feel I am able to do everything they need. My depression affects them which makes me feel worse and then they act out more. I have never really considered suicide but think about dying daily. I don't really want to die but want a better life. Then I get more depressed when I cannot improve our situation. I appear almost Bipolar because I get periods of trying to improve things and burn out again. Constant guilt controls these cycles. I have tried many medications but nothing works and some make me worse. I usually have the best luck with no meds, strict diet and exercise. Unfortunately I have never managed to do these things when working full time.


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jenisautistic
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29 Jan 2014, 11:43 pm

Well I never thought I was going to talk about this but I've been here for at least a year now and I felt comfortable enough to talk to you about it.

Surprisingly as optimistic and innocent as I am,I have thought about suicide before and I have twice planned and seriously thought about doing it but for those of you out there don't worry to not think about it anymore.

And if I did I am not physically capable of killing myself. I was barely even physically capable enough to cut myself either that or just have no idea in the world how to do it I did cut myself with a razor and did it harder but I didn't break my skin because I got frustrated it didn't really hurt but I do have one barely visible scar.

On top of that I'm afraid of heights I'm afraid of pretty much anything that can kill you and I'm afraid of death.

Before I come in story I just want to mention that my grandmother used to be a completely different person pretty much she would take care of me yes but she would be just horrible and abusive sometimes she's to say horrible things to me that most of which I cannot remember. And my uncle would be completely mean and rude sometimes to I don't remember exactly what you did either but it was traumatizing. It's my brain is put in the back of my mind and tried to pretend it doesn't exist like with most things in the past that I have experienced.

I am pointing out those kids would kill themselves because the bowling before and she would think their stupid incident she doesn't know people could do that and she would never do anything like that I need to be bothered by people picking on her. Also saying that there cowards ect.

Anyway I don't remember what happened but it happen and my grandmother is never that horrible again I mean she can get minion but not the abuse that I taken in the past. It is forgetting because like me she was going through a lot in her life and just didn't know how to handle me and her times were different.

I attempted to run away from home but Im not capable of that at all. One time in eighth grade I go to note that do to my grandmother ( I don't know if I even mention the bullying in that letter)and I wanted to run away because I didn't know what I would do to myself if I didn't. I gave it to a friend of mine in the bathroom and Told her not to say a word to a soul.

She was crying and everything I never really thought she cared about me but I guess she did. She kept my word but then I fell out of her backpack and an administrator found it anyway.

So anyway I don't know the order of this but we did have a meeting and everything one without and once with my guardians .

while in the meeting alone I begged the Principal to not to say anything to my grandmother or my other family . But of course he had to The grandmother and family were at the meeting basically denying that stuff has gone on .I don't know how this got started I think she was tearing me out about the letter or something after the principal had told her to be more sensitive attend this story I don't really remember well but I'm trying to remember it as best as I can.

Somehow I ended up calling this friend and saying that I was going to run away she refused to let me run away but didn't really do anything about it yourself besides telling me to call the police and being the person i am I did. I tried calling her back and then when I got someone to pick up I immediately start talking but then I realized I wasn't talking to my friend I was talking her mom and I'll turn the fun I had no idea what to do because they were going to kill me figuratively of course.

So the cops came and pretty much said that they couldn't really help me until I was 16. They were talking about some sort of program I guess but I don't remember what they were talking about . Always remember that I family was giving them some bogus thing about something I don't remember.

Then they left later my friends mom called back and wanted to talk to my grandmother. She was talking to her and she was again lying and her mom suggested a school that was special-needs school.

Later in school of this friend pulled me aside and asked me if I was taking medication and I totally going to have a taking this for my seizures and basically my grandmother said something along the lines of mental illness or something .

That year we had been fun stuff for some time doing stuff iComm we had a trip to Pennsylvania but ever since we haven't been the same again I guess she thinks I'm crazy.

My grandmother and uncle Gave flank for that letter for the longest time although the entire letter was the truth.

There is also an earlier time where I did it but this was pretty much 80% because of bullying and bullying alone I would've letter to my friend at the time calling her to keep my YouTube account safe in case anything happened stuff like that but luckily never saying anything that could be interpreted as bad that would require parents to be called.

Again being me I give it to the teacher announced it up put in her mailbox not knowing that she would read it I was in the principals office asking why would write something like that and I was planning to hurt myself and of course I said no they asked me why would write this then I said just in case like just in case something happened. They asked me if I cut myself but luckily didn't check my sleeves and of course I said no again .They said not to worry about that kind of stuff because eventually you would write stuff in a will. Not wanting to get found out I asked them what a will was they explain it to me and I said I'm not worried anymore. And then they let me go.


To the people reading this don't worry I will never think about that again especially since I can't even do it and I am severely afraid of death and I don't think anything so low whatever happened to me but if it did I will try to get help .

Bu I do want to ask you something Do you think is a chance of someone I know Seeing this? because if it's high I don't want to keep this on here .


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Basso53
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30 Jan 2014, 12:03 am

Never. I can't even imagine a situation where I'd consider it.


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redrobin62
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30 Jan 2014, 3:15 am

<--- Thinks about it every day. It's like a virus, a festoon in his brain.



headhunter228
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30 Jan 2014, 3:48 am

I've briefly tossed it around a few times as a kid, but mostly in response to some punishment. A spiteful "They'll be sorry they treated me like this!", but nothing more.

I've outgrown those little urges, and I will never seriously consider it. Mostly because I've always been of the opinion that suicide is the coward's way out of minor problems.

And I'm no coward.


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Asperbear
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30 Jan 2014, 7:30 am

My brother committed suicide, so I think often about it. It basically saved me from doing the same. Was contemplating it doing myself, but he beat me to it. As strange as it sounds: It helped me a lot. Made me realize what life is about : Living.

I strongly dislike the notion of "the cowards way out" but I see where it is coming from.



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30 Jan 2014, 7:36 am

I thought about suicide last night, I couldn't sleep, I just wanted to see an end to it all.

I feel much better today though. I'm glad that I can hold on and get through the worst times these days.

Feeling suicidal is the worst feeling for me.

I am sorry for anyone who feels that way.


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devark
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30 Jan 2014, 8:42 am

I'll be dead soon enough, no need to rush things.


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Delilah85
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31 Mar 2014, 2:14 pm

I go for extended periods of time when I don't think about suicide at all. Then I go through extended periods where I think about it multiple times a day. It becomes very consuming and I find it hard to think of anything else at all. I'm in one of those periods right now.

My life has become very isolating and I feel that there are very few people I can be honest with. I dread leaving the house because I've become so worried about upsetting other people. I've given up trying to make friends, because over the past several years, the only "friends" I've made have turned out to be using me, or have drifted away because I was "too difficult." I understand that having Aspergers makes me hard to be around. I lack that social filter and accidentally offend people on a regular basis - I think this compounded by all those childhood lessons about honesty being the best policy. I look around me and see NT people who are selfish, greedy, and possibly sociopathic, and I wonder why these people have friends and I don't.

I have a wonderful husband, but I feel as though, because of his work hours, I don't spend as much time with him as I'd like. I spend most of my time at home, leaving the house only for necessary errands, doctors visits, and creative activities that I find therapeutic.

At this point, I can't forgive myself for all of the years I spent as a horrible drunk, self medicating before I got a diagnosis.

I thought that being honest with people about my diagnosis would help, but it has only led to ridicule and one of my so called "friends" using me (without my knowledge or consent) for an anthropologic study.

I usually live in hope that things will improve, but right now I have none.

I feel as though I'm overburdened by a few friends and family members who have severe mental health issues, and that I spend so much time looking after these people that I have no time to try and address my own issues.

It's not as though I'm at my wits end. It's more suicide seems like a logical thing to do based four years of therapy that have helped me understand myself better, but done little to improve my quality of life, and the multiple drugs I've been on that have all caused uncommon but undesirable side effects for me. Right now, I don't feel as though anyone can help.

Thank you for establishing a forum in which I can vent.