So, is there any connection between autism and...

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Nonperson
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30 Mar 2013, 5:15 pm

being a ridiculously uptight prude? I mean, there is nothing wrong with being asexual, but whether you are or not, attacking people or calling them stupid for expressing their sexuality is not cool and does not show that the attacker has a superior grasp of theory of mind and social skills.



Verdandi
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30 Mar 2013, 5:17 pm

Being asexual doesn't mean that one is a prude, either.

I don't think autism makes one more likely to be a prude. however. Still, prudery is pretty unpleasant and just another way to socially bully/manipulate/control people. No better from an autistic than from an NT.

I mean, I agree with you.



ezbzbfcg2
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30 Mar 2013, 5:22 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Still, prudery is pretty unpleasant and just another way to socially bully/manipulate/control people. No better from an autistic than from an NT.


You can say the same thing about calling someone else a prude if they have a difference of opinion about such matters.

And no, I have no idea what this thread is about, but that's to play devils advocate.



Nonperson
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30 Mar 2013, 5:23 pm

No, I wouldn't think that being asexual meant someone had to be a prude. I meant to say that whatever your own sexuality, there isn't an excuse for attacking someone else's.



Last edited by Nonperson on 30 Mar 2013, 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nonperson
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30 Mar 2013, 5:25 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
Still, prudery is pretty unpleasant and just another way to socially bully/manipulate/control people. No better from an autistic than from an NT.


You can say the same thing about calling someone else a prude if they have a difference of opinion about such matters.

And no, I have no idea what this thread is about, but that's to play devils advocate.


By "prude" I mean someone who condemns other people for being too sexual. I don't mean someone who simply doesn't enjoy highly sexual stuff in the environment, though yeah, I should have thought twice about the term because it is often used that way.



ezbzbfcg2
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30 Mar 2013, 5:26 pm

Nonperson wrote:
No, I wouldn't being asexual meant someone had to be a prude. I meant to say that whatever your own sexuality, there isn't an excuse for attacking someone else's.


Yeah, but calling them a prude...are they overly prudent in general, or do they just disagree with your opinion on a particular matter? If it's the latter, labeling them a prude seems more reactionary and anger-based than an accurate assessment.



eric76
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30 Mar 2013, 5:29 pm

I suspect that this is distributed pretty much through most segments of the population. Considering the difference in numbers between those on the spectrum and those not on the spectrum, there are probably far more people like this not on the spectrum.



Verdandi
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30 Mar 2013, 5:31 pm

Nonperson wrote:
No, I wouldn't think that being asexual meant someone had to be a prude. I meant to say that whatever your own sexuality, there isn't an excuse for attacking someone else's.


I've come across that attitude so I wanted to say it before it was expressed. I agree with your post.

Like a lesbian woman I used to know who insisted that someone being asexual was literally shaming her for being interested in sex. Very strange to me, to take someone else's sexuality so personally.



UnseenSkye
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30 Mar 2013, 5:33 pm

Nonperson wrote:
being a ridiculously uptight prude? I mean, there is nothing wrong with being asexual, but whether you are or not, attacking people or calling them stupid for expressing their sexuality is not cool and does not show that the attacker has a superior grasp of theory of mind and social skills.


Sometimes, yes, there is a connection. Some autistic people have an aversion to being touched. Some are disgusted by even the THOUGHT of exchanging bodily fluids. Some are just very particular about who is touching them. Some are particular about HOW they are touched. Some, like myself, prefer being the seducer and are turned off by aggressive men. I believe I am bisexual and possibly more inclined to enjoying sex with certain of my own gender -- but I am attracted only to particular women and have not acted upon my feelings. You are asking for one answer when there are probably hundreds of individual preferences. I've had a lifelong preference for androgynous men --- the ones who are often mistaken for Gay, but are not. I admire men who are strong, intelligent and competent in many things, but am not necessarily sexually drawn to them. These are the men who "turn me on" in friendship, although they often find this fact either useless or annoying -- they want sex but don't understand love making. I don't understand how sex can be anything other than mechanical without love. Baffling, I suppose..



Last edited by UnseenSkye on 30 Mar 2013, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Verdandi
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30 Mar 2013, 5:35 pm

UnseenSkye wrote:
Nonperson wrote:
being a ridiculously uptight prude? I mean, there is nothing wrong with being asexual, but whether you are or not, attacking people or calling them stupid for expressing their sexuality is not cool and does not show that the attacker has a superior grasp of theory of mind and social skills.


Sometimes, yes, there is a connection. Some autistic people have an aversion to being touched. Some are disgusted by even the THOUGHT of exchanging bodily fluids.


This describes me, but I am actually not a prude. I personally am not interested in sex, but I don't think that my interest should dictate others' actions, nor do I disapprove of others' sexuality just because it is sexual.



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30 Mar 2013, 5:42 pm

Nonperson wrote:
By "prude" I mean someone who condemns other people for being too sexual. I don't mean someone who simply doesn't enjoy highly sexual stuff in the environment, though yeah, I should have thought twice about the term because it is often used that way.


I'll leave it at this.

I have nothing against other people and how they live their sex lives, I've always been sort of live-and-let-live.

But in fairness, I don't have kids (and the way my life has turned out, I may never have kids), but if I did, I wouldn't want my teenage daughter sleeping around with the whole football team. I'd be very upset, critical, and against it.

And if I had a son who turned out to be gay, I'd think I'd accept him for who he is, but one of my key concerns is that he'd be at a greater risk of HIV/AIDS and other STDs because of his sexuality.

Do these things make me a prude? I dunno.



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30 Mar 2013, 5:57 pm

Then there are people that have lots and lots and lots of sex that just want those that haven't ever to shut the f**k up about their desperation-fueled objectification. Activism, reclaiming words and stopping unwanted sexualization all often get called that so what definition of prude are you even talking about?
:shrug:

If I'm going to treat this as a real question, the aspies I have met have been total.utter.sexfreaks.
I've read it's common with being asexual too, but that doesn't make one a prude.
If you go by exactly how much everyone on this forum wants to find someone special, and how little most aspies absorb of cultural dogma, I doubt it would be very common.



marshall
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31 Mar 2013, 12:20 am

Nonperson wrote:
ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
Still, prudery is pretty unpleasant and just another way to socially bully/manipulate/control people. No better from an autistic than from an NT.


You can say the same thing about calling someone else a prude if they have a difference of opinion about such matters.

And no, I have no idea what this thread is about, but that's to play devils advocate.


By "prude" I mean someone who condemns other people for being too sexual. I don't mean someone who simply doesn't enjoy highly sexual stuff in the environment, though yeah, I should have thought twice about the term because it is often used that way.


Maybe they aren't a prude but as a minority find the way the media and society in general seem to have an unhealthy perseveration on all things sexual tiring. Also, if anything, true prudes are usually even more obsessed with sex than others. They have to be obsessed to become offended.



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31 Mar 2013, 1:29 am

Nonperson wrote:
No, I wouldn't think that being asexual meant someone had to be a prude. I meant to say that whatever your own sexuality, there isn't an excuse for attacking someone else's.


Well, if you're talking about homophobia or whatever, no, I don't believe it's linked to autism. I think having trouble understanding sexual attraction is connected to autism. Maybe feeling uneasy or repulsed over sexual interaction. Some of us don't even like to be touched, so the whole caressing, fondling, lips together etc can be viewed as grotesque. But of course attacking someone over one's own personal hang up is wrong. People should mind there own business.



goldfish21
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31 Mar 2013, 1:35 am

I dunno, it depends.. I didn't see the web content that started this discussion, so have no comment on reactions to it. On the one hand, I'm indifferent about people tastefully expressing their sexuality if & how they choose to. But if they're acting like a fool and come across as a negative attention seeking classless <insert expletive of your choice>, then I'd disapprove of their antics and think they could use some frank, honest, constructive advice about what is appropriate or inapprpriate in terms of their public display of sexuality and what the probable real world repercussions of their behaviour are. They may simply be ignorant of acceptable social norms and the reasons for them, or oblivious to the fact that their behaviour is viewed as inappropriate by the majority, or oblivious to the type of negative influence bad-vibes kind of people that sort of behaviour can attract.

Anomiel wrote:
Then there are people that have lots and lots and lots of sex that just want those that haven't ever to shut the f**k up about their desperation-fueled objectification. Activism, reclaiming words and stopping unwanted sexualization all often get called that so what definition of prude are you even talking about?
:shrug:

If I'm going to treat this as a real question, the aspies I have met have been total.utter.sexfreaks.
I've read it's common with being asexual too, but that doesn't make one a prude.
If you go by exactly how much everyone on this forum wants to find someone special, and how little most aspies absorb of cultural dogma, I doubt it would be very common.


I can relate to most of this. When I was younger, I was a whiner about this sort of stuff - but not publicly, only to my best friend. It caused a great deal of stress and anxiety and depression. Now that I'm older and have had more sex than many people, its no big deal at all. I find some of the whining others do annoying, but I don't really care as I was once in their shoes. It would be nice if more people had close best friends they could confide in vs whining to the world.

People can be as sexual or non sexual as they want. Whatever they do with their lives doesn't affect mine, and mine doesn't affect theirs. I do think more people need to keep their private lives, well, private. I don't care whether you've slept with zero or a million people, hearing about peoples sex lives just isn't something I really care for. Its always been sorta weird to hear people talking about some sexual conquest or milestone. I just think it should be personal and that bragging about it, or whining about it, is sort of self degrading. However, if its a private discussion about sex or anything sexual in nature, whether about pleasure or birth control or physiological functioning or disease prevention etc - that's a-ok by me. I'm all for sex education vs ignorance, I just don't care for hearing the stereotypical high five inducing brags and conquest stories, or the bitching and complaining about virginity or lack of a sex life. Its none of mine or anyone else' business nor concern.*

*But I'll admit, I have heard a couple of sexual conquest stories that were pure gold and highly entertaining. They've all been from the same person. I suppose its their communication style that makes it ok and interesting. And while I have had some fun experiences of my own, its extremely rare that I ever share a story about any of them in any capacity. Its just my nature.


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MjrMajorMajor
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31 Mar 2013, 10:00 am

I don't think it relates to autism other than perhaps a rigidity in some personal opinions, but not in those opinions themselves. I do believe that when something enters a public venue, then there is an implied acceptance to the fact that the content is open to receiving opinions both positive and negative from that public. If someone chooses to express their views on something that is being exhibited to everyone, I don't see that as a personal attack and doing so limits the public's own expression. Two completely separate issues.