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brea593
Hummingbird
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Joined: 28 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 23

02 Apr 2013, 12:58 am

Hi there. So we're both best friends and lovers, we both see relationships in the same way and give those we love the freedom to be true to themselves and to follow their callings. I really really mesh very well with open relationships with the right person but despite how lovingly they treat me, my brain is conditioned to associate the title of "girl friend" or "relationship" to mean I'm loved. I'm overly logical, it seems. I've never felt so loved by a person, we do what the best couples do, and have what the best couples have. but my brain is just holding onto this ridgid thought that they have to say they're in a relationship with me in order to know if they love me. I need concrete, but I dont want the traditional concrete relationship, it feels smothering, limiting, and possessive. I'm not sure what to do when my heart knows one thing but my aspie brain thinks the other. People cant be labeled, human emotions cant be labeled, and relationships cant really be labeled without loosing touch with the energy surrounding them. :(


Any thoughts, or advice?



goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
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02 Apr 2013, 1:13 am

Feel what you feel & don't be bothered by labels, then. And by that I mean let him call you his girlfriend and refer to you two as being in a relationship. Even if it's an open one, it's still a relationship. Disallowing him to do these things is very likely taken as rejection of his love & of him. I don't even think it's an AS/NT thing, either, this is a You thing.. and I think you need to not take personal offence to labels, and should consider his feelings in all of this - as he's likely confused and frustrated and wanting to know where he stands with you if he's not allowed to call you his gf. I know if I were him I'd be questioning where this (non?) relationship was going and considering my exit opportunities.


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brea593
Hummingbird
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Joined: 28 Jan 2013
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Posts: 23

02 Apr 2013, 2:04 am

Actually Goldfish thats how I feel to a T lol. I feel better now that I know what I'm feeling must be normal. The only reason I dont let these feelings take me over is because I know this man genuinely loves me. I think maybe he has too many negative connotations with the word than I do.



wotsits
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 21 Mar 2013
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02 Apr 2013, 6:03 am

Interesting thoughts. My views on this have only recently changed. I used to want to label everything, to try to make sense of it - if I was a girlfriend then that came with a set of rules that made my life easier. However, I don't want to label my current relationship other than to say it is a relationship. Maybe because I feel that then we are free to make what we want of it?