How does Asperger's help Borderline Personality?

Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

Jacks0n55
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2013
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 3
Location: Hampshire, United Kingdom

05 Apr 2013, 8:38 am

I have Asperger's Syndrome and I find it really hard to keep contact with a lot of the relationships that I form. However, this one girl (who I am madly in love with) says she loves me and that she wants to have a future with me but sometimes gets these random feelings of what she calls 'emptiness' and I can't help but want to help her. She takes Dialectical Behavioral Therapy but I love her so much and will do anything for her. Unfortunately, this relationship is long distance and I can't be there for her all the time YET; but am moving to University very near her and will see her every week! Can anyone offer me some advice?

I am also worried because she is going to a party tomorrow and I don't trust her in her depressed state, she does really abnormal things and I'm anxious that she'll sleep with someone else. I really feel bad at the moment; can anyone help me?

Thank you.



MsAngeeDepp
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 14

05 Apr 2013, 12:00 pm

i am borderline and my guy is an aspie..


you have a long road a head of you if you want to make it work...we are in dire straights right now

aspies have a hard time showing love and tend to isolate..im sure you know this well..borderlines need constant reassurance of love and will test you to that.

And you really both have to come to mutual understanding. My aspie gets very emotionally involved with his ex and it infuriates me. And when I ask him to not talk to her..especially since we were going to couples counseling..he laughed in my face and mocked me. To a BPD that equals I dont love you. Also when he isolated, that was a problem too because I felt like I was just a roommate to him..no dates..nothing..

So if you can push yourself to meet her halfway, thats great but this combination tends to not work because you are both on the opposite end of the spectrum. If you want to stay, make sure she continues with DBT. That helps ALOT and be patient! Just as Im sure she will with you..If you cant be physically as affectionate as she needs..do little stuff to show you care..like a short phone call while shes downstairs just to say hi..cook dinner for her..do a little errand for her...Itll make the works. But you cant help her, she has to do the recovery herself



Jacks0n55
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2013
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 3
Location: Hampshire, United Kingdom

05 Apr 2013, 12:33 pm

MsAngeeDepp wrote:
i am borderline and my guy is an aspie..


you have a long road a head of you if you want to make it work...we are in dire straights right now

aspies have a hard time showing love and tend to isolate..im sure you know this well..borderlines need constant reassurance of love and will test you to that.

And you really both have to come to mutual understanding. My aspie gets very emotionally involved with his ex and it infuriates me. And when I ask him to not talk to her..especially since we were going to couples counseling..he laughed in my face and mocked me. To a BPD that equals I dont love you. Also when he isolated, that was a problem too because I felt like I was just a roommate to him..no dates..nothing..

So if you can push yourself to meet her halfway, thats great but this combination tends to not work because you are both on the opposite end of the spectrum. If you want to stay, make sure she continues with DBT. That helps ALOT and be patient! Just as Im sure she will with you..If you cant be physically as affectionate as she needs..do little stuff to show you care..like a short phone call while shes downstairs just to say hi..cook dinner for her..do a little errand for her...Itll make the works. But you cant help her, she has to do the recovery herself



Yeah, I'm more of a 'I know I'm loving you and I know that I do and I tell you often' kinda guy; seems clingy and I sometimes annoy her by saying it so much but at least she knows... I don't know what else I can do; like I said, I'm 150 miles away at the moment and she's going to a party tomorrow and I'm worried...she says she wont but Idk!



Jacks0n55
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2013
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 3
Location: Hampshire, United Kingdom

05 Apr 2013, 12:55 pm

Unfortunately she isn't very loving when she's depressed; so I don't feel like I'm doing anything right...



MsAngeeDepp
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 14

05 Apr 2013, 2:02 pm

Just do some little things..text her that you're thinking about her..Send her some snail mail..Just be thought..You can be thoughtful and still be who you are..I wish my Aspie would compromise like that..



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,059
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

05 Apr 2013, 7:47 pm

Jacks0n55 wrote:
[Yeah, I'm more of a 'I know I'm loving you and I know that I do and I tell you often' kinda guy; seems clingy and I sometimes annoy her by saying it so much but at least she knows... I don't know what else I can do; like I said, I'm 150 miles away at the moment and she's going to a party tomorrow and I'm worried...she says she wont but Idk!

I'm like that too. I don't have expedience dating a girl with BPD but my 1st girlfriend & current one have some of the symptoms; sensitive, kind of emotionally needy at times. & I also had a couple online women friends with BPD & read up a bit on it because I was misdiagnosed with it. Anyways... MsAngeeDepp has some very good advice. Try to be supportive. Ask her how she's feeling/doing/if she's OK ect. Ask her what's wrong if she's not doing the best. Sometimes just being there to listen can help but you can also try to analyze a little & find ways to reassure her things are/will turn out OK. You could send her some text when she's at the party just to check in; like tell her you were thinking of her, miss her or just wanted to know how she was doing or the party is going. You might could help her feel better & distract her from doing something. One very important thing is that you try not to get upset with her or act upset with her if/when she does do anything.;when you get upset by anything you take some time out to cool down.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


jcarmel
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 20 Apr 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 39

21 Apr 2013, 12:24 am

Hi! I'm NT currently in a relationship with an aspie, but I have dated someone with borderline personality disorder before.

You are asking how you can help your girlfriend, but the most important thing you need to realize is that you cannot help her disorder. If you try to help her with her disorder yourself, it will completely drain you. I feel like your AS may be good for your relationship because it buffers you from some of the emotional manipulation inherent to her disorder.

I don't know you and I don't know your girlfriend, but I can tell you that the impulsive nature of BPD makes it possible that she will sleep with someone else (although it is less likely in a depressive state).

I think the best thing you can do is support her in healthy endeavors (that DBT is absolutely essential). Understand that BPD is, unfortunately, a part of who she is. Forgive her if she has setbacks, but do not let her abuse you.

Best of luck.



Popsicle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 May 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,574

21 Apr 2013, 12:28 am

Jacks0n55 wrote:
Unfortunately she isn't very loving when she's depressed; so I don't feel like I'm doing anything right...


Try not to take it inward. Try not to think it's your fault. It isn't.

During a depression the depressed person is thinking horrible thoughts about themselves and negative thoughts in general. Everyone is different so I can't really say how you should approach her during those episodes if at all. If you are lucky she will tell you.

I think borderlines are attracted to Aspergers people because of their loyalty. Borderlines are very insecure and think everyone will leave them. I think borderlines like continuity and routine in some ways too, like Aspergers people tend to.

If it's worth it to you overall then ride out the rough patches, and try to enjoy the good times when they come.



DyspraxicPanda
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 48
Location: Dijon, France

21 Apr 2013, 4:01 am

I'm on the AS spectrum and my girlfriend has BPD. Sadly I'm bad at talking about my feelings and at demonstrating them, but I try showing them by being with her when she wants to, and listening to her and by being physically affectionate. It does work but it gets really really hard when she's away because we are in a long distance relationship during the year.
We've had problems in the past because when I am sad or I have a problem I tend to shutdown and not talk to anyone ever about it, except people on the internet because they don't know me so I'm not scared of bothering them. I have a lot of trouble talking to people I'm close to because when I'm not doing ok I tend to isolate.
So yeah try not to do that I guess, it's been our worst problem lately. She feels abandoned when I do that.

There's good sides. She's super understanding and since she is an introvert she doesn't mind that sometimes I want to be alone (just not too often ! !) and she understands my sensory issues and is way more organized than me, which helps ! Tbh I love her very much.


_________________
Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia, NVLD and a strong taste for words
http://dyspraxicpanda.tumblr.com/

Your Aspie score: 135 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 70 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie