Just got a girlfriend and.... Now what?

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modernmax
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20 Apr 2013, 12:40 am

So I have just got my first real girlfriend. This one is very interested me no doubt, since she already kissed me, and is looking forward to seeing me again(reason Im going to see her is because she asked me to). To describe her socially, she said she is not very popular in school. A lot of people were making fun of us, so I think she gets picked on a lot. Even though it was directed at us, no one was really saying anything about me specifically, so I think it was only her. A little hard to tell, but I dont think she has any social disorders. I could be wrong there, there werent any signs, but still, I am not entirely sure. I think I recall a couple of people were telling me she was ugly, but I think she looks kind of pretty. Not a supermodel, but definitely pretty.
Questions to ask
1: What kind of questions should I ask to get to know her a little better?
2: How could I stand up to people if they are bullying her?
3:How would I approach the subject of disorders, asking if she has any and telling her about mine?
4:Any really flirty lines you can think of? Not that its important, but Id like to say something that gets her attention.
Any suggestions would really help me, so please help me out here guys (or girls:p)


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aspiemike
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20 Apr 2013, 12:48 am

Tips

1. At 14 years of age, you are defiitely still young and should just live in the moments. Don't want to put any bad thoughts on you, but don't get upset when/if things end.
2. You may not learn this yet, but depending on the type of bullying... the best reaction is no reaction at all. If there is harassment or abuse going on, you may have to take a stand then. Other kinds of bullying should result in non-reactive behaviour.
3. Hang out with her and do some things together. It's best to find out who a person is through any common interests. It seems to allow for a nice flow in a conversation.
4. Flirty lines? mine are too adult for you :P



Valkyrie2012
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20 Apr 2013, 2:15 am

I know you are wanting advice... but I want to add a side not for you...

Even if people pick on her - or you... do not ever let it affect you. What matters is that YOU like her and SHE likes you. Forget what narrow minded self centered teens think. It is a phase. People are uncomfortable facing up to people who are different. As they mature most learn to be more accepting, learn to hide their feelings or just grow out of the phase. Don't let it get you down... stay strong in how you feel - don't let social pressure sway how you feel.

In all my years what I have come to notice is that most people who are "different" are special at a fundamental level. By special I mean kind, dedicated, loyal and very loving and sensitive inside. Keep that in mind every time your girlfriend smiles at you. Your girlfriend doesn't have to be a super model.. nor does it matter if she walks funny, has a wart on her nose or cackles when she laughs. What matters is that you think she is pretty. What is pretty anyways besides our own perspectives of pretty? Aspies and auties don't tend to look at life like most - our idea of beauty can be quite different and I happen to be proud of that. My boyfriend always tells me he can't understand why I find him "cute" or "sweet" he says he is far from it.... but not in my eyes.

As for relationship advice...

I think that it is important to let her know when you are happy in her company.. for instance at the end of a day let her know how much you enjoyed it... even though she can deduce it and tell by how much you smile and laugh... sometimes us lady's like to hear it too :)

I think holding a door for her... or her bags... I watched a muscle bound man walk in front of his wife today and he let her carry the 10 foot heavy folding pick nick table out to the car... all I could think was.... "what a jerk"

Treat her to the things she likes... if she likes a soda after school.. if you have the money, get it for her... even if she insists it is ok not to... I think that inside she will feel special you spent your money on her.

I wish you the best of luck... and I hope other members will correct me if anything I said is off kilter... cause goodness knows I am not very good socially.



PresidentPorpoise
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20 Apr 2013, 7:20 am

The advice that others have given seems pretty good. But as regards asking her if she has any disorders, I would steer clear of that, as she could take it the wrong way.

In terms of what to ask her to get to know her better, just spend time with her and have conversations with each other. Listen to what she has to say when she's speaking, and you'll get to know more about each other before too long. I'm no expert on relationships, but I feel like that's a much more organic and less awkward way to get to know about her than trying to force specific questions into a discussion.

As regards people bullying her, if it's truly egregious, stand up for her/yourself and let people know that you don't care what they think. But ignoring the little stuff might be a good option too. Unfortunately, teens can be rather callous in how they treat each other, but what's important is that you like this girl, so if you think she's kinda pretty, it doesn't matter what your peers think of her appearance.

It says you're only 14, so I'm not sure if I have any age-appropriate flirty lines for you, but on that note, enjoy the time you and this girl spend with each other, but remember, you're only 14 and this is your first girlfriend, so this odds are this relationship isn't going to last, and that's OK.

I hope that some of this helps. I don't think I've given any harmful advice, but despite being quite a bit older than you, I don't have a lot of experience with relationships and hence my advice might not be particularly helpful, so I would take anything I've said with a grain of salt.