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Tyri0n
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03 May 2013, 3:09 pm

Isn't this a required criterion under the DSM 5?

I tend not to have relationships that last long enough or deep enough for this to be an issue, in the traditional sense. I do, however, have a frequent fear of rejection (is that the same thing as abandonment?). But usually, it's the opposite. I avoid making attachments to begin with due to fear of rejection, or I reject others before they can reject me. In fact, I have had 8 girlfriends where the relationship only lasted a few months because I either started to constantly criticize them or I just suddenly went cold and dumped them before they could dump me. I've managed to only be dumped once. I also deliberately try to get away from people when they start to get too close.

Is this separation insecurity, or is traditional "fear of abandonment" really the only thing that qualifies? In many ways, what I have seems like the opposite of fear of abandonment, or the opposite of separation insecurity.



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03 May 2013, 3:17 pm

That's pretty common in quite a few disorders.


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Tyri0n
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03 May 2013, 3:19 pm

Misslizard wrote:
That's pretty common in quite a few disorders.


Yes, I'm just wondering about BPD though. Everything else seems to fit. But this one doesn't. It seems I have the opposite of separation insecurity. More like a strong aversion to attachment.

I have a huge fear of rejection though. But this isn't separation insecurity. Or is it?



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03 May 2013, 3:37 pm

If you don't get attached because you think it will end, so you break it off first,hmmm,I guess you could do that to prevent the future separation that you assume is inevitable.
But me giving you any advice is really truly the blind leading the blind.I get a different disorder diagnosis from every shrink,it $ucks.
It's anxiety,depression,no wait,BPD,no HFA,wait now Its RAD,or maybe a personality disorder,or ADD.I'm on Medicaid so I get to play revolving Doctors,I've had seven Shrinks in the last eight years.The Mental Health system is so screwed up.As soon a I get used to a shrink,they get a better offer somewhere else,then you get another,with a different idea and a different medication plan.


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Raziel
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03 May 2013, 4:07 pm

On the one hand people with BPD have fear of rejection, on the other hand they have trouble when people get too close or tend to break up relationships. I guess it has to do with the high emotionality and the black and white thinking pattern.


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cathylynn
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03 May 2013, 8:33 pm

breaking up with someone before they can break up with you is one way to deal with fear of abandonment.



Tyri0n
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03 May 2013, 10:39 pm

cathylynn wrote:
breaking up with someone before they can break up with you is one way to deal with fear of abandonment.


So this is consistent with BPD then? That was the one piece of DSM 5 criteria I thought maybe didn't fit for BPD. But if "fear of rejection" + lashing out/disappearing to avoid intimacy = "fear of abandonment" then there's no question I meet this criterion too.



Ettina
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03 May 2013, 10:45 pm

Separation insecurity is one out of a list of traits for BPD. You don't need every single one, any more than you need every single AS trait to have AS.



Tyri0n
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03 May 2013, 11:43 pm

Ettina wrote:
Separation insecurity is one out of a list of traits for BPD. You don't need every single one, any more than you need every single AS trait to have AS.


You do need this one in the DSM 5, though, if I'm reading it correctly. I meet 100% of the other criteria, even the optional ones, under the DSM 5 and, conservatively, 7/9 under the DSM IV for BPD, probably 9/9 if the diagnostician is as loose and slipshod with the criteria for BPD as the one who diagnosed me with Asperger's was for Asperger's.

But it seems that extreme fear of rejection/avoidant behavior and a dismissive-attachment style counts anyway.



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04 May 2013, 1:02 am

Tyri0n wrote:
But it seems that extreme fear of rejection/avoidant behavior and a dismissive-attachment style counts anyway.


Well, when you have an extreme fear of rejection, than you have a "separation Insecurity".
This behaviour you describe is very common in people with BPD.


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06 May 2013, 4:41 pm

Quote:
You do need this one in the DSM 5, though, if I'm reading it correctly.


Where does it say that? Looking at this article, I'm not seeing it. In criterion A2, you can have either empathy disturbance or interpersonal issues, with fear of abandonment counting for interpersonal issues.

Or wait, do you mean B1c?



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07 May 2013, 11:51 am

A lot of "normal" people do this to avoid getting attached and to avoid getting hurt. I don't view it as pathological. Its my understanding that people with BPD usually do the opposite and cling on to a person once they are attached and even if the relationship is unhealthy/abusive. They seek out attachment and get attached easily and then the relationship is usually a roller coaster of "I hate you. Don't leave me."



Tyri0n
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07 May 2013, 1:20 pm

It is B(c) under the DSM V. It's a requirement, and I definitely meet it. Anyway, according to the professional I have seen, I very very easily have attachment insecurity that alternates between anxious-avoidant, unresolved, and dismissive-avoidant.

She thinks that I meet the criteria for many things, given my PTSD, but thinks that PTSD might be preferable to BPD, given the stigma of BPD. I am not sure completely why.



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07 May 2013, 1:28 pm

My mistake,I thought you were discussing bipolar disorder.
My sister-in-law was a facilitator for NAMI and she described the issue with attachment with borderline personality disorder as " I love you ,don't leave me/I hate you,get away from me".


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Tyri0n
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07 May 2013, 1:34 pm

Misslizard wrote:
My mistake,I thought you were discussing bipolar disorder.
My sister-in-law was a facilitator for NAMI and she described the issue with attachment with borderline personality disorder as " I love you ,don't leave me/I hate you,get away from me".


In me, it's more like "I like you" ---- > "I am afraid you might leave me, so I'm going to leave you first."



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