how to make an introvert angry



Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 
Page:

tweety_fan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 02, 2007 7:00 pm
Posts: 3897

Sat May 04, 2013 6:26 am

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the ... -introvert

"She's stuck up." Just ‘cause I'm not chattering at anyone within earshot, it doesn't necessarily follow that I have judged people and found them wanting. Maybe I just don't have anything to say at the moment. And really now, who's judging whom here?

"You don't know how to have fun." I believe we've covered this in a previous post. I know how to have fun. It just doesn't involve crowds, high decibels, or costumes. Maybe you're the one who doesn't know how to have fun--d'ja ever think about that?

"She has nothing to say." Ooooooh, that one makes me steam! Someone once said that about me because I had such trouble inserting a word into his monologue, I finally gave up. It's not that I have nothing to say, it's that he had too much to say. Give me a little space and I will dazzle you with my insight and eloquence. If I feel like it.

"Oh, come on!" That's an unacceptable response to my polite refusal to participate in something that doesn't look fun. And if you grab my arm and try to drag me into it, I am not responsible for my actions. I promise you, expletives will occur.

"Party pooper!" Do what you want, I don't care. I'm not pooping on your party. If anything, I'm pooping on my own party and that's none of your beeswax. I'm pretty sure you'll manage to continue having fun even if I'm not there.

"You hate people." I do not. I like people, especially people I like. But even those I prefer in small numbers and controlled doses.

"You're not an introvert." Maybe I'm not what you think an introvert is, but if you'll shut your piehole and let me explain, I'll tell you what makes me an introvert.



BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:00 pm
Posts: 5284

Sat May 04, 2013 9:14 am

Nice! :thumright:


I suppose it makes sense for the extroverts to be sheeple... they recharge off each other and thrive by grouping and chattering the same endless, shallow nonsense.
Breaking the pattern interrupts this whole process, so the herd collectively hisses at the rule-breaker and shuns it away so they can resume the smooth process of shallow hyper-social behaviour.

...humans. :roll:



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 7:00 pm
Posts: 10602
Location: Great Britain

Sat May 04, 2013 1:02 pm

I get people assuming that I'm unfriendly. I'm an Aspie but I have already figured out how to tell the difference between a person being shy and a person being unfriendly.

I can usually tell when a person is being unfriendly (say, a colleague at work) when I make eye contact and smile at them and show that I am intending to say hello or good morning, but they blank me and try to pretend they haven't seen me, but less than a minute later I see them talking and joking and laughing with other people, then only talking to me when they want to know something, or may just about mutter a thank you when I hold the door open or help them in some other way. It's even more obvious that they're being unfriendly when I say good morning or hello and they ignore me, as though they can't be bothered. I know I get the usual cliche response ''their mind was probably on something else at the time'', but that's no excuse to be rude really. My mind is often on something else as I'm walking along, but if somebody greets me at work, even if I wasn't expecting to them to and it was at the last minute, I would still respond and say ''hello'' or something. It's just politeness.

I can usually tell when somebody is being shy and not unfriendly, when they smile at me or say hi or hello or morning or whatever they like to say, but don't speak much otherwise to anybody, unless they are used to someone and are having a talking or laughing moment with somebody they feel comfortable with, just like I do. I'm incredibly shy, but I still converse with my co-workers, greet them when I first see them each day, communicate by asking them something I am unsure of, or just making small talk with them from time to time, but mostly being polite and friendly by smiling and making eye contact. And that's how I can detect another shy person. There's a shy person at work, and one or two times he hasn't greeted me, but I don't take it as offense because I know he is a generally quiet person and often gives off a shy expression in his body language, and so is not ignoring anyone intentionally, just sometimes feels awkward. I do too, so I know how he feels sometimes. But he still makes eye contact and speaks when he feels comfortable, and he always speaks if I speak. But there's somebody else at work who is always yakking away to most people, but ignores others, and walks by some of us with this confident expression that tells you that she only wants to speak to certain people.


_________________
Yes I am a straight female.
From East UK
Aged 24


alpineglow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2012 7:00 pm
Posts: 2131

Sat May 04, 2013 1:34 pm

tweety_fan wrote:
"You hate people." I do not. I like people, especially people I like. But even those I prefer in small numbers and controlled doses.


:thumleft:

Joe90 wrote:
I get people assuming that I'm unfriendly. I'm an Aspie but I have already figured out how to tell the difference between a person being shy and a person being unfriendly.

I can usually tell when a person is being unfriendly (say, a colleague at work) when I make eye contact and smile at them and show that I am intending to say hello or good morning, but they blank me and try to pretend they haven't seen me, but less than a minute later I see them talking and joking and laughing with other people, then only talking to me when they want to know something, or may just about mutter a thank you when I hold the door open or help them in some other way. It's even more obvious that they're being unfriendly when I say good morning or hello and they ignore me, as though they can't be bothered. I know I get the usual cliche response ''their mind was probably on something else at the time'', but that's no excuse to be rude really. My mind is often on something else as I'm walking along, but if somebody greets me at work, even if I wasn't expecting to them to and it was at the last minute, I would still respond and say ''hello'' or something. It's just politeness.

I can usually tell when somebody is being shy and not unfriendly, when they smile at me or say hi or hello or morning or whatever they like to say, but don't speak much otherwise to anybody, unless they are used to someone and are having a talking or laughing moment with somebody they feel comfortable with, just like I do. I'm incredibly shy, but I still converse with my co-workers, greet them when I first see them each day, communicate by asking them something I am unsure of, or just making small talk with them from time to time, but mostly being polite and friendly by smiling and making eye contact. And that's how I can detect another shy person. ...

:thumleft:



Comp_Geek_573
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:00 pm
Posts: 679

Sat May 04, 2013 1:47 pm

I'm reading "Networking for People Who Hate Networking" and that book describes, in great detail, how the "extrovert culture" and "introvert culture" differ. I think our mental position as Aspies actually serves us well in dealing with those different kinds of people, since we've been surrounded by people different than ourselves our whole lives!

One thing I really like in this book is its discussion of the "Platinum Rule": The golden rule says treat others the way you want to be treated - but the problem with that (painfully obvious to AS people!) is that others may not WANT to be treated the way you do! The Platinum Rule says treat others the way THEY WANT to be treated. Figuring out what that is (if it's different than how you want to be treated) is much more difficult, but much more rewarding regardless of where you are on the NT/AS, introvert/extrovert or any other continuum.

This book does talk about an introvert "strength" that most of us lack - namely, the ability to pick up on non-verbal cues. However, the good news I see in this is that introversion puts AS people in a good position to LEARN those cues!

I do think there's correlation between AS and introversion, simply because our sensory world and thought processes are different than others', and so we generally have to think more about what we say instead of just project our own theory of mind onto people.

I would call myself about 80% introvert on the I/E continuum. I do like my alone time, and in large doses as far as the general human population is concerned, although I've also been known to "think out loud" to people I know well.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 98 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ: 33


Dantac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 7:00 pm
Posts: 3663
Location: Florida

Sat May 04, 2013 9:18 pm

Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
I'm reading "Networking for People Who Hate Networking" and that book describes, in great detail, how the "extrovert culture" and "introvert culture" differ. I think our mental position as Aspies actually serves us well in dealing with those different kinds of people, since we've been surrounded by people different than ourselves our whole lives!

One thing I really like in this book is its discussion of the "Platinum Rule": The golden rule says treat others the way you want to be treated - but the problem with that (painfully obvious to AS people!) is that others may not WANT to be treated the way you do! The Platinum Rule says treat others the way THEY WANT to be treated. Figuring out what that is (if it's different than how you want to be treated) is much more difficult, but much more rewarding regardless of where you are on the NT/AS, introvert/extrovert or any other continuum.

This book does talk about an introvert "strength" that most of us lack - namely, the ability to pick up on non-verbal cues. However, the good news I see in this is that introversion puts AS people in a good position to LEARN those cues!

I do think there's correlation between AS and introversion, simply because our sensory world and thought processes are different than others', and so we generally have to think more about what we say instead of just project our own theory of mind onto people.

I would call myself about 80% introvert on the I/E continuum. I do like my alone time, and in large doses as far as the general human population is concerned, although I've also been known to "think out loud" to people I know well.


I'll pick up that book..sounds interesting.

The part I bolded is something I've known for a long time but never could do it. That to me is the worst kind of lying...its malicious deceit to manipulate another person. I know it works and I know its a useful life skill ..its just that its so -wrong- to me its repulsive.



Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 27, 2005 7:00 pm
Posts: 12535
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D

Sun May 05, 2013 3:32 am

How to piss this introvert off: give me a guide to "coming out of my shell" as though there was something wrong with being an introvert.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


Display posts from previous:  Sort by  


Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 
Page:




You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to: