My best friend is in love with me

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This sounds like the most probable idea. It's kind of like what I said - keep going and see where it turns out.

Mine was kind of different because we live too far away to actually see each other (Oh why must fate be so cruel ;-;) so the aspect of dating hadn't crossed my mind.

Good luck!

We do see each other weekly, so I dunno if that counts as having dates :/ We like it though
I'm just scared of getting hurt again, like with my ex. So I don't want to start a relationship unless I was sure I loved him...

You do love him. You're just scared an anorexic man who relies on you for so much (and you the same), who is protective, loving, caring, almost harmless, and adores you in ways he himself is scared to express, will end up hurting you by ruining your relationship somehow. You are not his brother, so give him a chance already. You are probably the only chance he will ever get in his lifetime, for any kind of romantic relationship at all, for that matter marriage. Stop being afraid of romantic heartache, and wing it. If it doesn't work out, you can still go back to the way it is now, if you try hard enough. This fear you have will keep you from knowing who is actually out to hurt you, I mean, do you really think someone you know that well, and at such a deep level, would hurt you in the way your ex did? Don't let your ex come in between you and this poor man, this man obviously would go to great lengths to make you happy, despite his condition. Most people don't care enough to stop a sexual assault happening in a public place, with tons of people around, so ask yourself why would he care to take the time to give a crap about you? BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU!

Woah there nelly, if he actually said the words "abandon me" then that's a good reason to be worried right there. I said it before but coming from a place of needing some one to get you through the day and not 'abandon' you is not good starters for a relationship.

Also, I think the people who are so adamant that "you DO love him" when you've said clearly that you don't (or at least aren't sure) are being kinda presumptuous and projecting a bit of their own or culture's romanticism onto real life. Yeah, a lot of people probably think it would be great to have a best friend who's there for you 24/7, treats you great and relies on you, and also likes you romantically, and that you'd be a fool to turn down that kind of opportunity. I wouldve thought that way when I'd had no or less experience. But the truth ain't that pretty. Sometimes your feelings for someone just aren't like that, and you can't tell someone how they oughta feel based on how you think they should. Listen to what YOU think your feelings are cause no one can tell you what they are.

That said, you don't have to know you love someone to start a relationship. Generally, you just think there might be potential (even if you've already known them) and you see how things proceed. IMO you can't really know if you love someone til you've tried being with them in that way.

BUT that ALSO being said... I don't think it's true that you can necessarily go back to the way things are now if you change things. There's a buttload of potential for hurt and misunderstanding there that can drive you apart. That's why I say if you do go there, take it sloooooooow.

Basicly, listen to your own feelings and to reason. If you think you like him romantically, regardless of whether it's "love," then maybe it's worth a shot, but don't just dive in. Keep a level head about it and you'll be fine

ETA also really, REALLY don't get with anyone out of pity or because you think they can't find anyone else. That might sound kind, but it's actually very cruel. I should hope I wouldn't even have to go into all the other reasons why that's a terrible idea.

to quote princess bride
"life IS pain, anyone telling you otherwise is selling something."

that said - this happens to me a lot, the love receiving end, and I find reasons to avoid. perhaps Ima chickensh*t.

close your eyes, forget everything about him for a moment, then open your eyes and re-look at him.
try it a couple times and see what you see, make a decision and live it to the fullest.

friends are as valuable as lovers

maybe even more so...

To the OP: You should be clearer about whether you know you could never be attracted to this guy at all, ever, and that you could only be friends, or alternatively, if you are attracted but don't know how long it will last. These are very different scenarios.

Upon my initial reading I guessed the first, seeing as it seemed to be a sort of relief to you when he first claimed he was not romantically interested. I would have assumed that, had you found him at all attractive, you would have rather found this at least somewhat disappointing. I have been in several of these situations before and it was never pretty. More often I was the guy who was (sometimes very) interested, and the girl just wanted friendship, but once it was the opposite, that the girl felt more.

All I know is that when I was the one with the attraction, I often waited as long as possible to say it outright, because I knew that this would kind of force it to go one way or the other, whereas as long as I merely hinted and waited for her interest to grow, there was still a chance. And unfortunately, every time I have been waiting with this sense of anticipation, the answer has been a firm and unchangeable "no" when I actually learned it. I suspect he might have lied for this reason, possibly even he thought it could create interest (i.e., by seeming to reject you, if you tried to defend yourself against the lost possibility then he would know there was potential there).

Though now it sounds like you are somewhat attracted you just don't know if it's "true love". It's up to you in the end, but I don't think most people can actually tell that unless they are through the "new relationship" stage. If you don't even let the two of you begin that, you are closing off the possibility to ever find out. Especially if you have given him very mixed signals that put him in the position of trying to not get hurt no matter what you feel.

Tell him you don't love him, and you want to remain friends, very good friends, and that you will help him with tips and things if he ever gets another crush. I'm not sorry for my previous post, I was trying to get you to realize how much you do for him.

it IS possible for one person to LEARN to love another person, given enough time. behold the power of focused imagination. love can be a matter of will, as well.

This might have happened, and it can indeed happen!

I REALLY WANT the OP to learn to love her aspie man, to give him a proper chance to be her man!

No one should "have" to learn and he doesn't have any entitlement in this. It's down to how the OP feels about it. I'm just saying it can happen.

I am not saying she "has" to do anything, I was just expressing a sincere wish, is all. I see myself in her man [should she choose him]. somebody here on WP gave me a proper chance [for the first time in 5 decades of living] and I wish all other aspie guys can get a similar fair shake.

What you're living is one of the oldest stories in the book.

Women like badasses. That's a fact. So basically you're now in the situation 'He's a great guy, we have fun together, we can talk for hours, we understand each other, he cares for me and treats me well, then why can't I be romantically attracted to him, why???'.

Well, because you're a woman. A women don't feel romantically attracted to nice guys. Even if they would like to. Don't force it. It doesn't work. Forcing this kind of things never worked.

But.....

On the other side, romantic attraction has triggers. Sometimes a stupid thing can trigger this romantic attraction. If you want to be with him, you have to be in love (people, we're based in chemistry), so you have to find a trigger that make your body produce the 'love chemistry'.

How? it depends on you. Everybody is different. But I would recommend you to try new experiences together. For example: you both could have a dinner in some stylish restaurant, well dressed (I'm talking about suit and night dress). I know a couple of girls that felt suddenly romantically attracted to their current partner the day they saw him in an event with a nice suit.

I fell in love with my ex because he wasn't badass. He was the nicest guy I knew then.
I know I should give him a chance... I just want to be completely sure I love him before I do. He loves me and he takes care of me, so it just feels wrong not to love him back. But what happened with my ex is getting in the way, stopping me. It scares me. I don't know how I can get over that mental barrier so I can learn to love again.

For an 18 years old girl?

I highly doubt it's possible.

If she was attracted to him then she would have already been attracted to him.

Accepting the pain.

Some people try to overcome this stuff convincing themselves that next time, there will be no reason for fear.

That's a mistake.

Reality is that you can get hurt again. And you can lose a good friend. Or perhaps not. But there's no guarantee, and something inside you knows it perfectly. Sooner or later you will deal with pain again. That's life: there's no escape. You can jump into the chance of suffering again (or being happy), or you can hide waiting for the pain that, be sure, will reach you eventually.