Sex - Moving too Fast because you think it's normal?

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This is one of my first posts, and an important question that has been riding on my mind for awhile. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to post it here or in the adult forum. I'm more comfortable posting it in a women's forum.

Does anyone else out there have experience moving too fast with a guy because you think it's the normal thing to do, to fill a lonely void in your life for the moment? In other words, have you ever hooked up and given oral sex to a guy because you think it's what people do naturally, not because it feels good to you?
I don't know if it's just my low self-esteem or thinking black and white that led me to make those decisions. I'm trying to understand so that I can avoid making the same mistakes again. I have a hard time standing up for myself and tend to just go with the flow and I might bargain with myself and say okay oral sex but not intercourse, even though I'm not interested in either one. I bet lots of people, no matter their mentality, succumb to the same thought process.
I can't wait to be in a relationship where I can be myself!

I think a lot of us have enormous trouble with this.

I know for myself, I have massive problems understanding what is going on in that respect, actually recognising it in the moment. Even if I do cue in, my mind just kind of freezes in shock and refuses to process, and go mute, I just can't speak up for myself at that point. Which is extremely bad because I kind of end up on "autopilot" - which is very dangerous around men, because they take no response or passiveness as agreement (even when it's not) and simply take advantage of it.

I second the mute thing. That's happened to me before.

I don't think that "performing" to keep a partner happy is limited to aspie women, but I do think we are more likely to be sensitive to that pressure. The naiveity, the low self esteem, the feeling like you don't have anything else or better to contribute, wanting to be accepted. Now that I think of it, it's a lot of those reasons that they teach teens in sex ed not to sucumb to.

When I was younger that was definitely me. I'm kind of learning from my mistakes as I grow older though. I still tend to move faster than I'd like to though. You have to be careful because more than half of the time guys think with their penis and girls tend to have more of an emotional bond thing when it comes to sex. The best thing to do is try to get to know the guy and postpone the sex for as long as you can unles you're okay with a one night stand. Now, I'm not saying that having sex on the first day you see a guy wont make him your boyfriend, I'm just saying that it probably wont and/or it's better to get to know the person first.

I move really slowly when I'm seeing a man. I think I have a wariness about me ever since I went too fast with my first boyfriend.

Sex is what happens between a man and a woman:- you don't need to prove anything to anybody, when you meet someone who shares your love of interests and respects you enough to take things to the next level, which may mean slowly, then its okay to hold back a bit till you're sure of what direction the whole thing is going; I usually know straight on if things aren't too great.

This is a great thread. I'd bet that most women, Aspie or not, have had the experience of giving in to sex at some time in their life when they really didn't want it. Or what can also happen is you take that desire to please to a grotesque extreme and you become a ... sorry ... "slut", and for the same reasons. This is what I did after my divorce, and it took a couple of years to get myself back to normal.

Now, six years later, I have a huge desire for sex again, but I don't do anything with anybody I don't feel comfortable with. I think it's all about understanding yourself, and believing that it's ok to want sex or not want it, as your feelings dictate. Giving in because it's expected of you is no different from doing anything else simply to curry favor with someone.

I think it's important to meet men on equal footing, and make it clear that if we have sex with them, it's because we want to. It's because we want to share physical intimacy with them, and not because we feel like we have to give in, in order to "keep" them.

It's taken me a little while to get back here; I felt embarassed about posting about hooking up and oral sex.
To update, I said no to sex the other week for the first time since I was a virgin and he gruffed about it one time. I felt a little sorry for him but it didn't interfere with our bubble and we still ended on a sweet note. He's the first person I've spoken to about that.

I have certainly moved too quickly with these things in the past, and it's never worked out. I suppose I sort of had the impression guys like sex so in order to be in a relationship with one I'd have to be willing to get intimate initially. Also I certainly wasn't intrested in guys that would 'wait till marrige' so I figured if I wanted a boyfriend as an 'adult' I had to be open to sex. I never had sex forced on me but cant say I really desired it every time I've had it.

But yeah based on my experience it seems when I got with guys and we got intimate and had sex on our first meeting, those proved to be very short lived glorified one night stand kind of relationships. I just ended up feeling rather used and discarded after every one of those attempts.

One I really was convinced wanted to be in a longterm relationship just out of the blue didn't text me for like 2 weeks that I spent worrying and worrying that maybe something bad happened to him...only to get a text after that period in which he basically said we could still hang out to 'fool around' but that he didn't want anything long term. So yeah that seemed to be the result of moving too fast...which is why with my current boyfriend I made a point to wait till I got to know him a bit before we indulged in sex which has turned out much better and of course the initial sex was better because by that point it was something special between us not just fleeting lust bound to fizzle out.

I don't know if I read the post correctly, but I think if you feel pressured to make a guy happy in that department then maybe he is not the one for you. A guy you really like and see yourself with will be the guy you feel comfortable around and not feel obliged to do anything like that for so quick.